COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA SEASON 1
by the captain cool
Summary: THE STORY OF CAPTAIN COOL. A JANITOR WHOSE ALSO A SUPER HERO.. READ THIS EPIC ADVENTURE AS CAPTAIN COOL AND HIS FRIENDS TAKE ON THE EVILS OF THE WORLD, AND THE EVIL OR RETAIL.. THERE ARE MOMENTS IN THIS STORY WHERE MUSIC WILL POP UP.. ITS MAKES THE STORY BETTER IF YOU LISTEN TO THE SONG LISTED, THERES A SPOTIFY PLAYLIST OF MOST OF THE SONGS AT COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA, OR YOUTUBE
1. Chapter 1

COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA

EPISODE 1- WELCOME TO HELL

NARRATOR: IN A TOWN CALLED COOLSVILLE THERE IS A GIANT STORE, WHERE EVERYONE GOES TO SHOP, AS MOST OTHER STORES HAVE BEEN TAKEN OUT IN ITS PATH..AND THE PEOPLE ON EARTH HAVE TO GO HERE IN ORDER TO SURVIVE.. AS IT HOLDS ALL THE TOOLS FOR SURVIVAL...AT A VERY LOW AND CHEAP PRICE..MAGIC MART

THE STORE IS GIGANTIC.. ITS THE SIZE OF A CASTLE, THERES GIANT CHIMINEYS ON TOP OF THE STORE, WITH BLACK SMOKE POORING OUT..THERES A GIANT SIGN ON THE BUILDING THAT SAYS MAGIC MART..THERES A SMALL BLACK CAT WALKING THREW THE PARKING LOT..

(INSIDE) INSIDE IS A GIANT SUPER CENTER/GROCERY STORE WITH A SUBSHOP INSIDE THE FRONT OF THE STORE, WHICH IS CLOSED...

(SOMEWHERE IN ELECTRONICS) 2 SHADY GUYS ARE LOOKING AROUND... THEY HAVE A GIANT BUGGY OF GAMES...THEY RUN TO THE FRONT OF THE STORE A GUST OF WIND PASSES THEM...THEY STOP

THUG: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

THUG 2: I DONT KNOW..BUT KEEP GOING YOU IDIOT!

THEY TAKE OFF..THEY GET TO THE FRONT OF THE STORE..THE GUST OF WIND RUSHES IN FRONT OF THEM..A SILHOUETTE OF A MAN APPEARS..

THUG 2: WHAT IS THAT?!

THE MAN STEPS OUT OF THE SHADOWS..THE MAN IS 6FT TALL WITH LONG BROWN CURLY HAIR, HE HAS ON A BLACK TRENCH COAT BLACK T SHIRT WHITE WRESTLING BOOTS, A SUPER HERO MASK ON AND A BLACK COWBOY HAT..HE IS CAPTAIN COOL AGE 18..

THUG: WHO ARE YOU?!

CAP: I AM SHERIFF COOL...AND YOUR STEALING MAGIC MARTS MERCHANDISE

THUG: YA...AND WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

CAP THROWS OFF HIS TRENCH COAT, HE HAS 16 GUNS HOLSTERD ON HIS SIDES

THUG 2: THATS ALOT OF GUNS

THUG: NO MATTER..IT DOSNT MATTER HOW MANY GUNS YOU GOT..ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHOS THE FASTEST

THE THUG PULLS OUT A PISTOL AND POINTS IT AT CAPTAIN COOL

THUG: NOW DIE!

THE THUG SHOOTS AT CAPTAIN COOL..CAPTAIN COOL DISAPEARS...

THUG: WHAT THE?

CAPTAIN COOL APPEARS BEHIND THE THUG, HE GRABS HIM BY THE BACK OF HIS NECK AND PUTS HIM IN A CHOKE HOLD, HE PUTS A GUN TO HIS HEAD...THE THUG STARTS TO SWEAT..THUG 2 PULLS OUT HIS GUN AND POINTS IT AT CAPTAIN COOL..

THUG: BRO! BRO! DONT SHOOT! PLEASE!

THUG 2: I CAN HIT HIM

THUG 2 SHOOTS AT CAP.. CAP PUSHES THE THUG INTO THE SHOT AND THE BULLET GOES THREW HIS HEAD...THUG 2 JAW DROPS

THUG 2: NO..BRO..IM-

CAP SHOOTS THUG 2 6 TIMES IN HIS CHEST...THUG 2 FALLS TO THE GROUND DEAD...

CAP: LISTEN SHOPERS OF MAGIC MART...IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT STEALING OUR MERCHANDISE..I SHERIFF COOL WILL SHOOT YOU ALL DOWN!

CUSTOMERS: YEAH SHERIFF COOL STOPPED MORE BAG GUYS!

GIRL CUSTOMER: I WANT TO HAVE HIS BABY!

SHERIFF: HAHAHAHA REALLY... I MEAN OKAY..I GUESS..

SHERIFF COOL QUICKLY STARTS GETTING UNDRESSED

(INSIDE CAPS ROOM) CAPTAIN COOL IS ASLEEP IN HIS BED..HE HAS ON A BLUE SHIRT AND WEIRD AL PAJAMAS ON WITH HIS SUPER HERO MASK..

CAP: (SLEEP TALKING) NO.. I WANT TO HAVE HIS BABY FIRST HEHEHE..

CAPS FACE STARTS TURNING RED.. CAPS DOOR OPENS..A WOMAN WALKS IN, SHE HAS SHORT BROWN HAIR..SHES FRANKIE AGE 36..

FRANKIE: CAPTAIN COOL..ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR FIRST DAY AT WORK?

CAP COOL REMAINS ASLEEP..

FRANKIE: CAPTAIN COOL? ... WAKE THE FUCK UP!

CAP COOL WAKES UP..

FRANKIE: TIME TO GO TO WORK..

CAP: OHHH SHIT

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS IN HIS BATHROOM LOOKING IN THE MIRROR..HE HAS ON A BLUE TSHIRT, BLUE JEANS, HIS SUPER HERO MASK AND BLACK SNEAKERS..

CAP: THIS..IS ..GOING TO SUCK

(TIME ELASP) 9:59PM, FRANKIE AND CAPTAIN COOL ARE DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD..FRANKIE IS DRIVING..

FRANKIE: ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT YOUR FIRST DAY AT WORK?

CAP: NO..NO IM NOT

FRANKIE: WELL.. YOU'LL GET USED TO IT

CAP: HAHA..IM NOT GONNA BE HERE LONG..IM GONNA BE FAMOUS

FRANKIE: YEAH GOOD LUCK WITH THAT

THE MAGIC MART COMES INTO SIGHT..THE SONG ONE WINGED ANGEL BY NOBUO UEMATSU STARTS PLAYING

CAP: WELL THAT CANT BE GOOD

SONG: SEPHIROTH!

CAP: MAN YOU KNOW YOUR JOB IS GOING TO SUCK WHEN YOU HEAR THIS AS YOUR PULLING INTO WORK...

THEY PARK THE CAR..THEY GET OUT OF THE CAR..CAP LOOKS UP AT THE MAGIC STORE

SONG: SEPHIROTH (SONG ENDS)

FRANKIE: ARE YOU READY?

CAP: I GUESS..

THEY WALK TOWARDS THE STORE..A BLACK CAT WALKS IN FRONT OF THEM..IT STOPS AND LOOKS AT THEM..

CAP: THATS THE CAT FROM MY DREAM.

THE CAT RUNS AWAY

FRANKIE: OH YEAH..SHES BEEN HERE LONGER THEN I HAVE.. SO MAKE SURE YOU KEEP AN EYE ON HER..

CAP: DOES SHE HAVE A NAME?

FRANKIE: NO..

CAP: IM GOING TO NAME HER...LUNA

(TIME ELASP) (INSIDE A BATHROOM) CAPTAIN COOL IS STARING INTO A MIRROR HOLDING A MOP..

CAP: ALRIGHT..WERE ONLY GOING TO BE HERE SIX MONTHS AT MOST..

A MAN IN A MAGIC MART VEST WALKS IN HE HAS SLICK BACK HAIR AND IS MUSCULAR HES JOHNNY

JOHNNY: HEY CAPTAIN COOL..YOU UHH DONE IN HERE BECAUSE I GOT TO TAKE A SHIT...

CAP: UHH NOT REALLY I GOT FINI-

JOHNNY: WELL IM GOING TO TAKE A SHIT ANYWAYS..SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN DAYDREAMING

JOHNNY WALKS TO ONE OF THE STALLS..

CAP: WELL IM DONE IN HERE...

CAP WALKS OUT WITH A MOP AND BUCKET..(TIME ELASP) CAP PUTS THE MOP AND BUCKET IN A MAITENANCE CLOSET...INSIDE IS 3 SCRUBBERS, THERES A MAN WORKING ON THE DRIVINGONE, HE HAS A GREY AFRO AND A JUMP SUITE, HES FRANK AGE 57...

FRANK: HEY CAPTAIN COOL... HAVE YOU GATHERED UP THE SHOPING CARTS YET..

CAP: I DID WHEN I FIRST GOT HERE..

FRANK: MIKE IN MAITENANCE SAID ITS BAD AGAIN..

CAP: WHO?

FRANK: CAN YOU GATHER THEM UP PLEASE

CAP SHRUGS

CAP: ALRIGHT

(OUTSIDE IN A GIANT PARKING LOT) THERE ARE BUGGIES SCATTERD EVERYWHERE

CAP: (INNER MONOLOGUE) MY NAME IS CAPTAIN COOL..IM A JANITOR AT THE WORLDS BIGGEST SHOPING CENTER..MAGIC MART..IVE BEEN WORKING HERE FOR ONE DAY NOW..AND IT TOTALLY BLOWS

CAP PUTS IN SOME HEADPHONES

CAP: TIME TO JAM OUT...

THE SONG PERFECT DAY BY LOU REED COMES ON.. CAP SLAMS SOME BUGGIES TOGETHER.. (TIME ELASP) CAP PUSHES SOME BUGGIES INSIDE..  
(TIME ELASP) CAP SLAMS MORE BUGGIES TOGETHER (TIME ELASP) HE PUSHES SOME MORE INSIDE (TIME ELASP) CAP PUSHES MORE BUGGIES INSIDE (TIME ELASP) CAP PUSHES SOME BUGGIES INSIDE (TIME ELASP) CAP DRIVES A ELECTRIC SCOOTER INSIDE (TIME ELASP) CAP SEES THE LAST TWO BUGGIES FROM THE LONG PARKING LOT.. CAP WALKS OVER TO THEM (TIME ELASP) CAP HAS A BUGGY ON EACH SIDE OF HIM, HE STARTS RUNNING REALLY FAST..HE JUMPS UP AND PUTS HIS FEETT ON THE BOTTOM OF ONE THE CARTS...HE TAKES OFF, HE LIFTS HIS HANDS UP IN THE AIR..CAP CLOSES HIS EYES

SONG: ITS SUCH A PERFECT DAY

CAP OPENS HIS EYES A WHITE VAN DRIVES INTO HIM (SONG ENDS) AND HE FLIES BACK 30 FEET ON THE GROUND, CAP FLIPS ON THE GROUND..HE STOPS..  
HIS BODY IS COVERED IN BRUISES.. (CAPS POV) EVERYTHING IS BLURRY..A MAN STANDS OVER HIM IN A JUMP SUITE AND A MOE HOWARD HAIRCUT, HES MIKE IN MAITENANCE..HE KICKS CAP IN THE FACE KNOCKING HIM OUT..

(TIME ELASP) CAP WAKES UP IN A SMALL BED...HIS SHIRT IS OFF AND HES COVERED IN BANDAGES... A BLONDE WOMAN IS THERE STANDING OVER HIM..SHE IS LISA AGE 49...

LISA: YOU OKAY CAPTAIN COOL

CAP: AM..AM I IN A HOSPITAL

LISA: NO..WERE IN THE MAGIC STORE INFIRMARY.. SABRINA WANTED ME TO BANDAGE YOU UP AND SEND YOU BACK TO GET THOSE LAST TWO CARTS...AND THIS COUNTS AS YOUR LAST BREAK..

CAP: HOW KIND OF HER...

LISA: WHAT HAPPENED...

CAP: I UHH..WAS HIT BY A WHITE VAN

LISA: THERE WAS NO VAN NEAR YOU WHEN I FOUND YOU...

(FLASH BACK OF THE MAN KICKING HIM IN THE FACE)

CAP: IT WAS SOME GUY..WITH A MOE HOWARD HAIR CUT..

LISA: UHH.. MIKE?

CAP: WHO?

LISA: THAT GUY?

LISA POINTS AT THE DOOR..MIKE IN MAITENANCE IS WATCHING THEM FROM OUTSIDE THE DOOR WINDOW..

CAP: THATS..MIKE IN MAITENANCE?

(TIME ELASP) CAP GOES BACK OUTSIDE...HE GOES TO THE LAST TWO BUGGIES...

CAP: HOW DARE SOMEONE HIT THE SHERIFF..I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE.

CAP GRABS THE LAST TWO BUGGIES...AND SLAMS THEM TOGETHER...THIS JANITOR BUSSINESS IS GETTING OLD!

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS PUSHING A TRASH BIN THREW THE GROCERY SIDE..HE LOOKS OVER AT THE FROZEN SECTION, HE SEES A GUY IN A BLACK LEATHER JACKET A BLACK MOHAWK GLASSES A BLACK BAND T SHIRT AND RIPPED UP JEANS...HES MIKEY AGE 21..CAP KEEPS GOING ON THE NEXT ISLE STALKING ANOTHER FROZEN ISLE IS A MUSCULAR BALD BLACK GUY, HES LAQUINTON AGE 25..CAP KEEPS GOING ON THE NEXT ISLE IS A GIRL IN A BLACK LEATHER JACKET WITH SPIKES ON THE SHOULDER, SHE HAS BLACK HAIR AND RIPPED UP JEANS SHES CARA AGE 22.. CAP KEEPS GOING... ON THE NEXT ISLE IS A 4FT TALL WOMAN WITH BROWN HAIR, LONG FINGER NAILS AND POINTY EARS.. AND LONG FANGS COMING OUT OF HER MOUTH, SHES CAROLIN AGE 56

CAP: EEEHHH

CAP KEEPS GOING A MAN JUMPS OUT AT CAP, CAP JUMPS UP IN THE AIR AND SCREAMS,

CAP: UHHHH...WHAT THE FUCK

BRENT: IM BRENT..

BRENT HAS BROWN CURLY HAIR A BUSHY BEARD OVERALLS WITH A BLUE SHIRT UNDERNEATH AND BROWN BOOTS...

BRENT: HI CAPTAIN COOL

CAP: OH HEY BRENT..

BRENT: HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE NEW LEGEND OF ZELDA GAME...YOU CAN GO THREW THE CRACKS IN THE WALL...

CAP: YES..IVE SEEN SOME VIDEOS OF IT ON YOUTUBE

BRENT: HEY..HEY WANNA HEAR A JOKE

CAP: NOOO!

BRENT: HOW DO YOU FIND WILL SMITH IN THE SNOW? HAHAHA

CAP: OKAY...

BRENT: WANT TO SEE SOMETHING COOL?

COOL: NOOOOO!

BRENT UNHOOKS HIS OVERALLS

COOL: NO! NOOO! NOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOO!

BRENTS OVERALLS FALL DOWN TO HIS WAISTE...HE LIFTS UP HIS SHIRT...A ALIEN FACE STRECHES OUT FROM THE INSIDE OF BRENTS CHEST

ALIEN: GRAAAAAAAA

CAP: GAAAAAAAA! WHAT IS THAT THING!

BRENT: ITS MY HERNIA

CAP: THATS NO HERNIA!

BRENT: SURE IT IS..I LOOKED UP THE SYMPTONS IN A BOOK

CAP: OKAY I GOT TO GO

CAP WALKS OFF... HE WALKS PAST THE CERAL ISLE, THERE IS A SHORT OLD MAN WHOSE GREY, HES GOT NO HAIR ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD...HE LOOKS OVER AT CAPTAIN COOL WITH HIS LIFELESS GREY EYES..HES BILL

CAP: IS..THAT.. A ZOMBIE

FRANKIE WALKS NEXT TO CAP..

FRANKIE: THATS BILL..HES NOT A ZOMBIE..PROBABLY..

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS NOW WALKING THREW ELECTRONIC SECTION WITH THE TRASH BIN..A TALL YOUNG LOOKING GUY WALKS UP TO CAP..HE HAS ON A BLUE BEANIE A BLACK COAT A BLUE T SHIRT A BELT AND BLUE JEANS AND GLASSES, HE HAS A GOTEE AND A MUSTACHE HES KENNETH

KENNETH: WOAH WATCH IT..YOUR THE NEW GUY CAPTAIN COOL...SO BE CAREFUL NEXT TIME..YOU COULD OF WALKED INTO MY BUBBLE OF SPACE...YOU SEE THATS WHERE I KEEP..MY PERFECT FACE..

KENNETH FACE GLISTENS AS HE RUBS IT...

CAP: YEAH YEAH I GOT IT!

KENNETH: YOU KNOW CAPTAIN COOL..IF YOU WANT TO GET A GIRLFRIEND..MAYBE YOU SHOULD DITCH THAT STUPID HERO THING AND BECOME A REAL GENTLEMAN

CAP: I COULD HAVE A GIRL FRIEND

KENNETH: NO YOU DON'T..NOW TRY THIS OUT ON SOME LADIES

EVERYTHING GOES DARK..A SPOTLIGHT SHINES DOWN ON KENNETH AND HE HAS A ROSE IN HIS MOUTH

KENNETH: HELLO MAM..MIND IF I COME IN...YOU

CAP: (VOICE ONLY) YEAH I WOULD GET ARRESTED

THE LIGHTS COME ON AND KENNETH DROPS THE ROSE..

KENNETH: SURE.. I GUESS IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE.. IM FORCED TO HOLD DOWN A ARMY OF LADIES.. EVERY DAY

CAP: HEY..MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIND ONE GIRL AND STICK WITH HER

KENNETH: WELL.. YOU SEE I JUST CANT...THERES SO MANY PRETTY ONES I JUST CANT STICK WITH ONE HEHEHE

CAP: ...YOU MIGHT REGRET THAT ONE DAY

KENNETH: YOU FOOL.. KENNETH NEVER HAS REGRETS..

(TIME ELASP) 7AM, CAP IS IN THE BACK OF THE STORE..HE GETS TO THE TIME CLOCK COVERED IN DIRT AND BRUISES...HE CLOCKS OUT...

CAP: FINALLY... I CAN GO HOME

FRANKIE WALKS UP NEXT TO CAP..

FRANKIE: READY TO GO HOME

CAP: YEAH...

(TIME ELASP) 9AM. CAP IS IN HIS ROOM ASLEEP...HIS DOOR SLOWLY OPENS...A GIANT SILHOUETTE WALKS IN HIS ROOM...IT HAS RED EYES

SILHOUETTE: CAAAPTAIIN COOOOLL WAKE UPPP

CAP LEANS UP...HE RUBS HIS EYES

CAP: HUH?

THE SILHOUETTE TURNS A LIGHT SWITCH ON..IT REVEALS A 400 POUND SAMOAN MAN, WITH SHORT CURLY HAIR HIPSTER GLASSES.. HE HAS ON A BLACK SHIRT AND JEANS..HES VJ AGE 18...

VJ: CAPTAIN COOL ITS TIME TO GO!

CAP: ...DAMN IT VJ I NEED TO SLEEP...

CAP LIES BACK DOWN TO SLEEP...

VJ: CHINESE?

CAP LEANS BACK UP...

CAP: YEAH OKAY LETS GO...WAIT HOW DID YOU GET HERE

VJ: I DIDNT TELL YOU...

(OUTSIDE) VJ IS STANDING IN FRONT OF A CHEVY TRAIL BLAZER

VJ: I GOT A NEW CAR!

CAP: HUH! THATS SO COOL...

VJ: I CALL HER...THE SIN EATER!

CAP: OKAY YEAH THEN..LETS JUST GO EAT

(TIME ELASP) THE SONG FLY ROUTINE BY HOSTILE GROOVE COMES ON.. AT A GIANT STREET WITH A GIANT HILL THE SIN EATER FLIES OVER THE HILL AT TOP SPEEDS IT LANDS DOWN... VJS GRINNING AS HE DRIVES AND CAPTAIN COOL IS PALE AND SCREAMING...  
(INSIDE THE CAR) CAP IS CRYING... CAP LOOKS OVER AND HE SEES A PRISON BUS... HE SEES A PRISONER LOOKING AT HIM THREW THE WINDOW

CAP: TAKE ME WITH YOU! (SONG ENDS)

(TIME ELASP) CAP AND VJ ARE INSIDE A CHINESE BUFFET

VJ: SO HOWS MAGIC MART

CAP: I GOT HIT BY A VAN YESTERDAY

VJ: YEAH..WELL...IM STILL LOOKING FOR A JOB..

CAP: I THOUGHT YOU HAD A JOB...WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR JOB AS A SECURITY AT THAT SCHOOL

VJ: WELL..NOT WHAT HAD A HAPPENED WAS

(FLASH BACK) OUTSIDE A SCHOOL THERES A LARGE CROWD OF KIDS YELLING FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT, TWO KIDS ARE FIGHTING.. VJ IS IN THE CROWD DRESSED AS A SECURITY OFFICER

VJ: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.

ONE OF THE KIDS GETS KNOCKED OUT AND THE KIDS CHEER

VJ: OHHHH DAMN YOU GOT KNOCKED THE HELL OUT! HAHAHA

A TALL WOMEN WITH GLASSES WALKS OVER TO VJ

LADY: UMM VJ..ARNT YOU THE SECURITY GAURD

VJ: YEAH

LADY: THEN WHY DIDNT YOU BREAK UP THIS FIGHT

VJ: I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS HAPPENING..I JUST GOT HERE

LADY: FROM WHERE I WAS STANDING..IT LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE ENCOURAGING THE FIGHT

VJ: NOOOOOOOO...I WAS SAYING STOP THAT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT...SO I SEE HOW YOU CAN THINK THAT

A KID WALKS OVER TO VJ

KID: HERE VJ..IM A MAN OF MY WORD..HERES THE 5 BUCKS.. MY GUY LOST AFTER ALL

VJ: UHHHHHHH...SHIT?

LADY: SHIT WOULD BE RIGHT

(BACK TO REAL TIME) CAP: WELL..SHIT SON

A ASIAN MAN WALKS OVER, HE HAS ON A RED VEST A WHITE TSHIRT AND GLASSES HES MR WANG AGE 42

WANG: OH HERRO... IM..

MR WANG LOOKS AT VJ..HIS EYES GET BIG

MR WANG: MOTHER OF GOD...

VJ: WHAT

MR WANG: UHH IT IS ALL YOU CAN EAT..BUT UHHH...PERHAPS RIMIT YOURSELF...

MR WANG WALKS OFF

VJ: HE DIDNT EVEN ASKED WHAT WE WANTED TO DRINK..HE JUST CAME HERE TO INSULT ME

(TIME ELASP) CAP AND VJ ARE LAUGHING... CAP HAS 3 EMPTEY PLATES... AND VJ HAS 9 EMPTEY PLATES

VJ: WELL I GOTS TO POOP...

CAP LOOKS OVER A CUTE BLONDE GIRL IS LOOKING AT HIM SMILING..CAP SMILES BACK...VJ STACKS ALL HIS PLATES ON TOP OF CAPS...  
VJ GOES TO THE BATHROOM..THERES A CUTE BLACK HAIRED GIRL SITTING WITH THE BLONDE GIRL..

BLACK HAIRED GIRL: OH MY GOD LOOK HOW MUCH THAT LOSER IN THE MASK EAT.

CAP: HUH?

CAP LOOKS OVER AND SEES THE GIANT STACK OF PLATES NEXT TO HIM

CAP: NO..NO ITS THE OTHER GUYS PLATES I...

THE GIRLS GET UP AND LEAVE..

CAP: OHH CRAP

VJ COMES BACK WITH A PLATE OF CHICKEN...MR WANG IS WITH A CUTE ASIAN GIRL AT THE FRONT DESK..MR WANG IS LOOKING AT VJ

MR WANG: OHH ROOK AT HIM..HES A RIKE A RAWN MOWER!

VJ LOOKS OVER AT MR WANG..

VJ: WHY DO YOU HATE ME

MR WANG: OHH A GOOD DAY SIR

VJ: IM..IM STILL HERE..

MR WANG: HE WONT REAVE..HE AHH RIVES HERE NOW! HEY WHY DONT YOU START SETTING IT UP TO WHERE YOUR MAIL GETS SENT HERE...

VJ: WHY DO YOU HATE ME

MR WANG: YOU NEVER REAVE! YOU EAT EVERYTHING!

VJ: I...GRAAA..I GUESS WE BETTER GO

VJ AND CAP HEAD TO THE FRONT COUNTER...

MR WANG: WHOS A PAYING

VJ LOOKS AT CAPTAIN COOL

VJ: DUDE I JUST LOST MY JOB

CAP: THIS WAS YOUR IDEA! ...FINE

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS AT MAGIC MART, HE WALKS BACK AND FORTH IN ELECTRONICS...KENNETH WALKS OVER TO HIM...

KENNETH: AHHH MY FRIEND CAPTAIN COOL..WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

CAP: IM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO HIT ME WITH THERE VAN...

KENNETH: THERES NO WAY YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT NOW...

CAP SPINS AROUND AND IS WEARING A SHERLOCK HOLMES OUTFIT AND HAS A MAGNIFYING GLASS...

CAP: CAPTAIN COOL CAN NOT FIGURE OUT WHO DONE IT..BUT DETECTIVE COOL CAN!

KENNETH: OHH BROTHER...UGLY PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN DO IT ALL HAHAHAHA...

CAP: YOU KNOW KENNETH...SOMETHING CAN HAPPEN TO YOU ONE DAY AND MAKE YOU LOOK WEIRD.. OR WORSE

KENNETH STARTS LAUGHING...

KENNETH: THAT WILL BE THE DAY..

CAP: SO...NOW I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I SOLVE THE CASE!

MIKE IN MAITENANCE WALKS BY

CAP: MIKE DID YOU HIT ME WITH A VAN

MIKE STOPS...

MIKE: YUP

MIKE WALKS OFF

CAP: ANOTHER CASE CLOSED FOR DETECTIVE COOL...WAIT..WHY DID YOU HIT ME WITH A VAN!

MIKE IS GONE...CAP LOOKS AROUND...

CAP: DAMN IT..OH WELL..AT LEAST I KNOW WHO TO WATCH OUT FOR NOW...

(TIME ELASP) CAP NOW WEARING HIS NORMAL OUTFIT IS PUSHING A DUSTMOP THREW SPORTING GOODS...A MAN WALKS UP TO CAP.. HE HAS BROWN HAIR WITH A HAT AND PONY TAIL, HE HAS A MAGIC MART VEST ON HES SCOTT AGE 55..

SCOTT: HEY CAPTAIN COOL..I GOT SOME GOOD NEWS...MY DAUGHTERS BOYFRIEND IS GOING TO START WORKING HERE..IN MAITENANCE...

CAP: REALLY..COOL! THAT WILL MAKE 4 OF US IN MAITENANCE...

SCOTT: THAT WILL MAKE 5

CAP: 5...ME FRANK, AND (ANGRY) MIKE! THEN YOUR DAUGHTERS BOYFRIEND WILL BE 4

SCOTT: WHAT ABOUT CARL...

CAP: CARL? I HEARD HIS NAME..BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS ON ANOTHER SHIFT

SCOTT: NOPE..HES 3RDS ALRIGHT... HES JUST A HARD MAN TO FIND..HE BLENDS IN...

CAP: WOAH! A MYSTERY MAITENANCE MAN...

CAP SPINS AROUND BACK IN DETECTIVE COOL OUTFIT...

CAP: ILL FIND HIM! DETECTIVE COOL IS ON THE CASE!

DETECTIVE COOL WALKS INTO THE MAITENANCE CLOSET...FRANK IS BACK THERE WORKING ON ONE OF THE SCRUBBERS...

DET: HEY FRANK...HAVE YOU HEARD OF A MAN CALLED CARL?

FRANK: YEAH.. HES ONE OF US..IM SURPRISED YOU ALREADY FIGURED OUT ABOUT HIS EXSISTANCE...

CAP: I JUST NOW DID...

FRANK: YEAH... CARL.. BEEN HERE 5 YEARS...

CAP: MAN! THATS A LONG TIME! IVE ONLY BEEN HERE 3 DAYS, AND IM SURPRISED TO BE ALIVE..

FRANK: YEAH..WELL MIKES BEEN HERE 5 YEARS..AND IVE BEEN HERE 20

DET C: DAMN... DOES IT GET OLD..BECAUSE MY 3 DAYS FEELS LIKE 2 MONTHS

FRANK: SOON..TIME WILL FLY..AFTER YOUR FIRST YEAR...ITS LIKE A ROLLER COSTER...

DET C: I HOPE IM NOT HERE LONG ENOUGH TO FIND OUT...

FRANK: YEAH.. WE'LL SEE... TRY SOFT LINES

DET: SOFTLINES?

FRANK: THAT IS THE CLOTHING DEPARTMENT...

DET: AH HA! DOES HE HANG OUT THER ALOT?..

FRANK: 80% OF THE TIME..HE'LL BE THERE...

(TIME ELASP) DET COOL WALKS INTO THE CLOTHING DEPARTMENT..THE FLOOR IN THIS AREA IS WOODEN...THE AREA IS SO BIG IT FEELS LIKE ITS A CITY..

DET: DAMN..HOW DOES HE NOT GET LOST HERE..

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS STILL WALKING AROUND SOFTLINES..

CAP: I'VE BEEN WALKING HERE FOR A HOUR..AND STILL NO SIGN OF HIM..

YOU HEAR NOISES...

DET: WHERES THAT COMING FROM?

DET SLOWLY WALKS FORWARD..THE NOISES GETS LOUDER..DET LOOKS AT A CLOTHES RACK OF PANTS...HE MOVES THE PANTS APART AND SEES A MAN HIDING UNDER THE CLOTHES RACKS PLAYING PSP...HE HAS GIANT GLASSES A MUSTACHE, AND SHORT WHITE HAIR.. HES CARL AGE 63

CARL: HUH?

DET: ARE YOU CARL?

CARL: YEAH

DET: AH HA! ANOTHER CASE SOLVED BY DETECTIVE COOL!

CARL: YOUR LOUD..

CARL MOVE THE PANTS BACK...

DET PUSHES THEM APART AGAIN...

DET: HOW DO YOU NOT GET LOST IN HERE!

CARL: I KNOW THIS PLACE LIKE THE BACK OF MY HAND...

DET: WHAT? HOW? THIS PLACE IS HUGE

CARL: I CAN SHOW YOU...

(TIME ELASP) CARL IS WALKING WITH DETECTIVE COOL, HES POINTING AT THINGS...(TIME ELASP) CARL AND CAP ARE LOOKING OVER A MAP (TIME ELASP) THE TWO EXIT CLOTHING AREA..CAP IS HOLDING THE MAP

CAP: I THINK I GOT IT NOW...AND IF NOT THAT MAP WE DREW WILL HELP TOO

CARL: GOOD..

THEY SEE A ELECTRIC SHOPING CART, CAP TURNS IT ON..ITS ALMOST DEAD

CAP: UH OH WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THESE THINGS DIE?

CARL: THEY GO TO HELL...

CAP: UHHHHH

CARL: JUST KIDDING..ILL HOP ON AND YOU GIVE ME A PUSH...

(TIME ELASP) CARA AND FRANKIE ARE WORKING ON THE SOUP ISLE, THE SONG DAYDREAMIN BY AUSTIN ROBERTS STARTS PLAYING..  
CARL DRIVES BY THEM ON THE ELECTRIC CART WITH DETECTIVE COOL BEHIND HIM PUSHING IT, THERE BOTH SMILING

CARA: THE HELL?

CAP LOOKS OVER AND GIVES THEM A THUMBS UP... THEY GO DOWN PAST THE ISLE... MIKEY IS IN FROZEN..HE LOOKS OVER AT CARL AND CAP SMILING AS THEY DRIVE BY... THEY HEAD TOWARDS THE FRONT.. CAP CLOSES HIS EYES.. (HE SEES HIM PUSHING CARL OUTSIDE ON A BICYCLE)  
CAP LETS GO AND CARL FLIES DOWN A HILL ON THE BICYCLE... CARL STOPS AND LOOKS BACK AT CAPTAIN COOL..HE SMILES AND WAVES AT HIM..

CAP: YOU DID IT MY SON...

(BACK IN REALITY) CARL CLOSES HIS EYES, CARL IS IN BED WITH 12 BLACK CHICKS WHO ARE DRESSED ALL SLUTTY.. CARL SMILES...

(BACK IN REALITY) KENNETH IS WALKING OUT OF THE BUGGY CAREL IN THE FRONT ENTRANCE CAP AND CARL ARE DRIVING THE CART BOTH WITH THERE EYES CLOSED WITH STUPID SMILES..THEY RUN INTO A TABEL FILLED WITH COOKIES AND KNOCK THEM ALL INTO THE FLOOR (SONG ENDS)  
THEY STOP...

CAP: ...SHIT!

(TIME ELASP) 11AM, NEXT DAY.. VJ IS SITTING OUTSIDE OF HIS HOUSE..A SMALL RED CAR PULLS UP...A FAT GIRL WITH SUNGLASSES LEANS HER HEAD OUT OF THE CAR ..SHES MALIA AGE 18..

MALIA: HEY VJ GET IN THE DAMN CAR!

VJ GETS IN THE PASSENGER SEAT OF THE CAR..SHE LOOKS OVER AT HIM...

MALIA: GOD DAMN VJ! YOU SMELL LIKE DAMN MEXICANS..

VJ: WHAT DOES THAT SMELL LIKE?

MALIA STARTS BACKING OUT THE DRIVE WAY

MALIA: BEEF AND SWEAT

(TIME ELASP) MALIA AND VJ ARE AT THE CHINESE BUFFET...MR WANG IS PEEKING OVER THE COUNTER WITH THE CHINESE GIRL YANG AGE 18..

MALIA: SO...WE GONNA BANG WHEN WE GET HOME...

VJ: YEAH THATS COOL...

MALIA: IS THERE ANYTHING NEW YOU WANNA TRY TONIGHT?

VJ: WELL...THERES ONE THING...ROAD HEAD... IVE ALWAYS WANTED ROAD HEAD

MALIA: MAYBE WE COULD WORK THAT OUT...

WANG: OHHA..HES A BACKA...HE EATA EVERYTHING I GOT..OHHA HEA BRING A TANK WITH HIM...OHH RETS EAT EVERYTHING HE GOTS..YUMMM (GIRLY VOICE) OHH YYAA RETS NOT REAVE ANYTHING FOR ANYBODY ELSEA

MALIA TURNS AND LOOKS AT MR WANG...

MALIA: ...WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY!

VJ: YEAH GET USED TO IT..HE HATES ME..

MALIA: ILL WHIP YOUR ASIAN ASS!

WANG: OHH HAVE A NICE DAY... OHHHAA YOU GO AWAY NOW...

MALIA TOSSES A WAD OF CASH AT HIM...

MALIA: LETS GO...FUCKING ASIAN PRICKS

(TIME ELASP) NOON.. MALIA IS DRIVING THE CAR..VJ TURNS ON THE RADIO..MALIA TURNS IT OFF...

MALIA: SO...ROAD HEAD HUH...

VJ: YEAH...WHEN CAN WE TRY THAT?

MALIA: RIGHT NOW...WHIP IT OUT...

VJ: HAHA...YOUR DRIVING

MALIA: BITCH!.. WHIP...IT...OUT...

VJ: ...OKAY

VJ UNZIPS HIS PANTS... MALIA LOOKS OVER...MALIA LEANS DOWN AND STARTS BLOWING VJ...

VJ: AHHH GAAAAA..THAT IS AHHHHH!

THE CAR SWERVES INTO THE OTHER LANE..VJ GRABS THE WHEEL AND GETS BACK INTO THE OTHER LANE...

VJ: OHH GOD..WE ALMOST OHHHHHHH MAN..THATS GOOD...ROCK..OH YEAH A BABY THERES A GIANT ROCK...YEAAAA...

THERES A GIANT ROCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD...

THE CAR SWERVES TO THE SIDE... THE CAR HITS THE ROCK.. VJ FLIES OUT THE WINDOW WITH HIS DICK FLOPPING IN MID AIR..HE LANDS DOWN ON A ROCK HITTING HIM IN THE BALLS...VJS SPITS UP SYLAVIA...VJ FALLS FACE FIRST TO THE GROUND...

VJ: GRAAA...MY BALLS! MALIA! MALIA! MY BALLS! MALIA

VJ LOOKS OVER, MALIA IS IMPALED BY A RUSTY ROAD SIGN THREW HER CHEST..HER FACE AND BODY ARE COVERED IN BLOOD

VJ: MALIA...MALIA MY BALLS! KISS IT TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!

MALIA: BLAAAAAA! GAAAAA!

VJ: (CRYING) MALIA! STOP PLAYING.. IM IN ALOT OF PAIN MALIA! MALIA! MALIA!

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS ASLEEP...THERES A NOISE IN THE ROOM...CAP WAKES UP IN HIS BED..

CAP: HUH?

VJ: WELL MALIAS DEAD...

CAP RUBS HIS EYES..VJ IS SITTING ON TOP OF A ICE MACHINE

CAP: HOW DID YOU GET THAT IN HERE? ...WHY IS THAT IN HERE?

VJ: OHH..HIT MY BALLS...ON A ROCK...THERE SWOLLEN SO BAD!

CAP: NOW..WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT SOMEONE BEING DEAD

VJ: MELIA DIED...WE GOT INTO A CAR WRECK AND I HIT MY BALLS ON A ROCK AS I FLEW OUT THE FRONT WINDOW

CAP: YOU CAN FIT OUT A FRONT WINDOW OF A CAR

VJ: YEAH.. GOT SOME GLASS IN MY ASS BUT YEAH

CAP: DAMN... 300 POUND MISSLE

VJ: ACTUALLY 402

CAP: MY APOLOGIES

VJ: BUT GOOD NEWS.. I GOT ME A NEW JOB!

CAP: CAR CRASH DUMMY

VJ: WOW GIRLFRIEND JUST DIED..BUT NO... IM GOING TO BE A ORDERLY AT A MENTAL HOSPITAL...

CAP: DID MY DAD SEE YOU BRING THAT THING IN HERE?

VJ: YEAH HE HELPED ME CARRY IT UP IN YOUR ROOM...

CAP: OF COURSE HE DID

VJ: YOUR KIND OF AN ASSHOLE WHEN YOU FIRST WAKE UP...

CAP: YEAH...I GUESS I CAN BE...BECAUSE EVERYTIME I GO TO SLEEP..YOUR THERE..WAKING ME UP...

VJ: BUT YOU LOVE ME

CAP: YEAH...OKAY...

VJ: WELL..I BETTER GET GOING..ITS TIME TO WORK

CAP: SEE YA...

VJ EXITS THE ROOM...

CAP JUST LAYS THERE...

CAP: WELL NOW I CANT SLEEP!

CAP LEANS UP AND LOOKS AT THE ICE MACHINE

CAP: TAKE YOUR DAMN ICE MACHINE WITH YOU! ...VJ?

(TIME ELASP) 4PM.. VJ DRIVES THE SIN EATER INTO A GIANT FACILITY, ITS CALLED THE HAPPY SQUIRRELY MENTAL FACILITY AND DAYCARE

VJ PARKS HIS CARE AND GETS OUT...

(TIME ELASP) VJ IS NOW WEARING A WHITE UNIFORM AND A MAN IN A SUITE WALKS UP TO HIM

MAN: AHH YOU MUST BE VJ... IM YOUR BOSS MR STEVENS...

VJ: OKAY COOL

MR STEVENS HANDS VJ A CLIP BOARD

STEVEN: YOUR JOB IS PRETTY SIMPLE THATS WHY YOU DONT GET PAID MUCH..BUT ANYWAYS YOUR JOB IS TO GO TO ALL THE PATIENTS ON THE LIST, MAKE SURE THERE COMFORTABLE AND TAKEN CARE OF..TALK TO THEM A BIT.. THATS ALL YOU GO TO DO

VJ: AHH MAN I CAN DO THAT...

STEVEN: OKAY GOOD... GO DO IT...

(TIME ELASP) VJ IS IN FRONT OF A ROOM, WITH THE NUMBER 13 NEXT TO IT...

VJ: OKAY...FIRST PATIENT...LETS HOPE THIS GOES WELL

VJ LOOKS AT THE CLIP BOARD, IT SAYS ROOM 13 JACK ..VJ OPENS THE DOOR AND GOES IN...A SKINNY MAN WITH LONG BROWN HAIR IS THERE, WITH EYES LIKE A WOLF, HES WEARING A HOSPITAL GOWN.. HE SMILES AT VJ

VJ: JACK

JACK: VINCENT DOUGLAS WILLINGHAM THE 2ND

VJ: OR JUST VJ.. HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?

JACK: AHH ITS NOT IMPORTANT...YOUR FLESH..IT LOOKS SO COMEFRORTABLE

VJ SMILES REAL BIG AND BLUSHES

VJ: WELL THANK YOU!

VJ PULLS OUT A BOTTLE OF LOTION CALLED BABY FACE LOTION, HE POORS SOME IN HIS HAND AND RUBS IT ALL OVER HIS FACE

JACK: MMMMMMMMM

VJ: YEAH (NERVOUSLY) MMMMM

JACK: CAN I HAVE A CHUNK OF YOUR FLESH

VJ: JUST A CHUNK...LET ME CHECK THE RULES

VJ LOOKS THREW SOME PAPPER WORK...

VJ: NO..NO SEE HERE..IT SAYS I CANT BE DOING THAT

JACK: THATS TO BAD...ILL HAFT TO GET IT MYSELF

VJ: OKAY BYE!

VJ RUNS OUT THE ROOM.. HE LOOK AT THE CLIP BOARD...

VJ: WHO'S NEXT? A CHICK...VICKIE..NO LAST NAME

(TIME ELASP) VJ WALKS IN A ROOM ..INSIDE IS A SKINNY BLONDE GIRL WITH PIG TAILS SHES VICKIE AGE 19

VICKIE: AHHH! SORRY.. I THOUGHT YOU WERE TANK

VJ: WHO?

VICKIE: HES ONE OF THE ORDERLYS..HES SCARRY! HE HITS US..AND THERES THIS DOCTOR THAT DOES LAB EXPERIAMENTS ON US!

VJ: UHHHH IM NEW..

VICKIE: HELP US...

VJ EXITS THE ROOM...

VJ WALKS OVER TO A VENDING MACHINE

VJ: HOLLY SHIT

VJ RUBS HIS FACE...TWO MEN WALK TOWARDS VJ..ONE OF THEM IS A MUSCUALER ORDERLY HE HAS A GREY BUZZ CUT HES TANK AGE 42, THE OTHER IS A SKINNY DOCTOR WHOSE FACE IS COVERED IN SCARS AND HES GOT A BIG BUSHY BEARD HES DR. RODGERS AGE 39

TANK: HEY BIG BOY..YOU MUST BE THE NEW GUY

VJ: YEAH IM VJ

TANK: IM TANK.. HEAD ORDERLY..

RODGERS: IM DR RODGERS..ITS NICE TO HAVE YOU ON BOARD

TANK: LISTEN..IF THOSE PSYCHOS DONT COMPLY WITH THE RULES DONT BE AFFRAID TO THROW THEM AROUND A LITTLE...

VJ: OKAY.. I WILL...

RODGERS: JUST BECAREFUL THERE SOME REAL DANGEROUS PEOPLE AROUND HERE...

VJ PUTS A DOLLER IN THE VENDING MACHINE, HE HITS THE DR. PEPPER BUTTON AND A DR. PEPPER DROPS DOWN... VJ LOOKS AT THE CLIP BOARD...

VJ: NEXT UP IS ROOM 23... IT SAYS HES AFFRAID OF THE NUMBER..23..THIS CANT BE GOOD

(TIME ELASP) VJ WALKS INTO ROOM 23.. THERES A GUY WITH SHORT BROWN HAIR, HES WARNER.. THE ROOM IS COVERED IN THE NUMBER 23 WRITTEN IN SHIT

VJ: OHH MY GOD! IT SMELLS HORRIBLE IN HERE! IS THAT SHIT!

WARNER: HEY..YOUR NEW HUH...DID YOU..OHHH GOD... OH GOD!

WARNER SEES THE NUMBER 23 ON THE DR. PEPPER CAN...

VJ: WHAT!?

VJ LOOKS DOWN AT THE DR. PEPPER CAN

VJ: OH SHIT

WARNER: GET OUT!

VJ RUNS OUT THE ROOM...

VJ: WHAT THE HELL!

VJ LOOKS AT THE CLIP BOARD

VJ: ONE LAST ROOM...

(TIME ELASP) VJ IS AT A ROOM WITH THE NUMBER 49 NEXT TO IT...

VJ: OKAY... HERE WE GO..

VJ GOES INSIDE...INSIDE IS A MAN WITH WILD SHAGGY HAIR WHICH IS ALL BLACK...HES PALE HES SWEENY TODD AGE 42...

VJ: MR..TODD

SWEENY: SWEENYS THE NAME

VJ: WHAT

(MUSIC STARTS PLAYING)

SWEENY: (SINGING) SWEENYS THE NAME, SHAVINGS MY GAME, I SHAKE YOUR HAND CUT YOUR THROAT ITS ALL THE SAME!

VJ: ...HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LOCKED UP?

SWEENY: (SINGING) 5 YEARS 10 YEARS 50 YEARS 100 YEARS IT DOSESNT REALLY MATTER, MY WHOLE WORLD HAS BEEN SHATTERED

VJ: YOU LIKE WRESTLING..WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT?

SWEENY: (SINGING) SWEENYS THE NAME SHAVINGS MY GAME, I SHAKE YOUR HAND CUT YOUR THROAT ITS ALL THE SAME! 5 YEARS 10 YEARS 50 YEARS 100 YEARS IT DOESNT REALLY MATTER, MY WHOLE WORLD HAS BEEN SHATTERED!

VJ: I TAKE IT YOU WANT ME TO HEAR YOUR LIFE STORY

SWEENY: TAKE A SEAT..AND LISTEN TO YOUR PAL SWEENY TODD! (MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)

VJ SITS IN A CHAIR...

(FLASH BACK) SWEENY TODD IS ON A BOAT WITH A YONG MAN NAMED CHARLIE...

SWEENY: THANK YOU..FOR IF IT WASNT FOR YOU I WOULD HAVE NEVER FOUND MY WAY HERE...

CHARLIE: NO PROBLEM MR TODD WERE ALMOST TO LONDON...WHAT WERE YOU DOING OUT THERE ON THAT LITTLE RAFT

SWEENY: YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW

(THE SCREEN STOPS AND TURNS BLACK AND WHITE)

VJ: (VOICE ONLY) WAIT...ARE YOU DOING A FLASH BACK INSIDE A FLASH BACK

SWEENY: (VOICE ONLY) YES, NOW SHUT IT

SCREEN GOES BACK TO NORMAL...

SWEENY: TAKE A SEAT..AND LISTEN TO YOUR PAL SWEENY TODD!

CHARLIE SITS DOWN IN A CHAIR

(15 YEARS AGO) SWEENY TODD IS INSIDE A OLD BARBER SHOP, HE HAS RAINBOW COLOR HAIR..THERES A MAN IN HIS CHAIR WITH LONG HAIR AND A BIG BUSHY BEARD...

TODD: ILL TRIM YOU DOWN TO SIZE

TODD HAS A PAIR OF SCISSORS IN EACH HAND AND HE STARTS CUTTING THE MANS HAIR REALLY FAST...TODD STOPS AND THE MANS HAIR IS SHORT AND NEAT

SWEENY: ALL DONE

MAN: DAMN SON YOU AINT HALF BAD..HEY LETS SHAVE MY BEARD WHILE WERE AT IT..

SWEENY: SURE THING..

SWEENY GRABS SOME SHAVING CREAM..HE SMEARS IT ON THE MANS FACE...SWEENY WALKS OVER TO A BOX..HE SLOWLY OPENS IT, INSIDE IS 3 STRAIGHT RAZORS EACH WITH A DIFFERENT DESIGN..ONE HAS A RED DESIGN WITH A FLAME SYMBOL, ONE HAS A BACK HANDLE, AND THE OTHER HAS A BLUE HANDLE AND IS SLIMMER THEN THE OTHERS...SWEENY GRABS THE BLACK ONE.. HE WALKS BACK OVER TO THE MAN IN THE CHAIR..  
SWEENY STARTS SHAVING HIM...SWEENY LOOKS OVER AND THERES A BALD PHILLIPIN MAN SITTING IN A CHAIR..HE HAS DAISY DUKE SHORT SHORTS ON AND A RED BUTTON UP SHIRT WITH NO SLEEVES CUT OFF AT THE WAIST..THE MAN WAVES AT SWEENY..SWEENY SMILES AND KEEPS SHAVING...SWEENY LOOKS BACK OVER AND THE PHILLIPPIN BOY STARTS MOTIONING A BLOWJOB..SWEENY STARTS SWEATING AND SMILING BLOOD STARTS SPRAYING ALL OVER SWEENYS FACE..SWEENY LOOKS BACK AND HE SLIT THE MANS THROAT, THE MAN HOLDS HIS THROAT AS BLOOD POORS OUT

SWEENY: AHH SHIT!

SWEENY GRABS A TOWEL AND PUTS IT ON THE MANS WOUND...

SWEENY: AHHHH DAMN IT NOT AGAIN

SWEENY STOMPS ON A RED BUTTON AND THE CHAIR FLIPS BACK AND A HOLE OPENS UP IN THE GROUND AND THE MAN FALLS INTO IT...THE CHAIR LEANS BACK UP AND THE HOLE CLOSES BACK...

SWEENY: WANA BANG

PHILLIPPIN MAN: YES I DO ..IM HECTOR

(TIME ELASP) HECTOR AND SWEENY ARE WALKING THREW A MARKET ON A SUNNY DAY..HECTOR HAS ON SUNGLASSES

LONDON SWEENY: (VOICE ONLY) WE WERE IN LOVE

SWEENY: ITS A BEAUTIFUL DAY TODAY..ISNT IT MY LOVE

HECTOR POINTS AT A ALLEY

HECTOR: I ONCE BLEW SOME HOMELESS MEN IN THAT ALLEY FOR A JAR OF PICKLES

SWEENY: ...YOU WANT SOME ICE CREAM

HECTOR: SURE

THEY GET TO A ICE CREAM VENDOR..SWEENY LOOKS BACK, THERES A JUDGE WITH A WIG ON WITH 6 COPS..THEY POINT AT SWEENY

LONDON SWEENY:(VOICE ONLY) A JEALOUS JUDGE ALSO WANTED HECTOR ALL FOR HIMSELF..SO HE TOOK ME OUT OF THE PICTURE

THE COPS GO OVER TO THEM

COP: LETS GO MR TODD

SWEENY: WAIT WHAT

A COP HITS SWEENY UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH A CLUB AND KNOCKS HIM OUT..

(BACK TO LONDON) THE SHIP ANCHORS AT A DOCK IN LONDON..

SWEENY: NEXT THING I KNEW..I WAS IN A ASYLUM..FOR 15 YEARS

CHARLIE: OH..SO..YOUR GAY..

SWEENY LOOKS AT CHARLIE...

SWEENY: SHUT UP YOU TWIT

VJ: (VOICE ONLY) ITS A GOOD QUESTION, ARE YOU GAY?

SWEENY PRESENT DAY: (VOICE ONLY) OBVIOUSLY NOW PAY ATTENTION..

THEY WALK DOWN A PLANK TO THE DOCK YARD

CHARLIE: UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN

SWEENY WALKS AWAY INTO TOWN FULL OF PEOPLE

SWEENY: (SINGING) THIS WORLD IS A LIVING HELL, IM NO LONGER A MAN JUST EMPTEY SHELL,

PERSON: THE HELL DID HE JUST SAY?

SWEENY: (SINGING) IM COMING FOR YOU JUDGE I WILL OT FAIL, MY HATE FOR YOU HAS ONLY GROWN, LONDON IM HOME

SWEENY IS IN FRONT OF HIS BARBER SHOP...ITS OLD AND ABANDON

SWEENY: AHHH..STILL THERE...LOOKS LIKE NO ONES TOUCHED IT IN 15 YEARS..AND EVEN THE CHUCK E CHEESE ON THE FLOOR BELOW ME LOOKS LIKE IT HASNT BEEN TOUCHED..

SWEENY WALKS UP A FLIGHT OF STAIRS TO HIS BARBER SHOP...INSIDE IS A VERY PALE WOMEN IN A RED AND BLACK DRESS, SHES MRS LOVETTS..SWEENY WALKS IN

LOVETTS: FINALLY MR TODD, YOUR 15 YEARS LATE ON YOUR BILLS

TODD: WELL..YOU'VE AGED WELL..

LOVETTS: YOU DIDNT

TODD: WHERES HECTOR

LOVETTS POINTS OUT THE WINDOW

LOVETTS: RIGHT THERE

OUTSIDE IS A FAT MEXICAN SELLING ORANGES ON THE STREET

TODD: NO! HE WAS AN ANGEL..NOT THAT..I REFUSE TO BELEIVE THATS HIM...

LOVETTS: BELEIVE WHAT YOU WILL

LOVETTS HANDS TODD HIS BOX OF STRAIGHT RAZORS

LOVETTS: I HELD ONTO THESE FOR YOU...

(MUSIC STARTS PLAYING)

TODD: (SINGING) OHHH MR JUDGE WE WILL HAVE VENGEANCE, MR JUDGE WE WILL HAVE FURY, MR JUDGE WE WILL HAVE CARNAGE MR JUDGE!

TODD STARTS DANCEING WITH HIS BOX OF RAZORS..

TODD: (SINGING) MR JUDGE YOU HAVE LIVED 15 YEARS TO LONG MR JUDGE! MR JUDGE WE WILL HAVE BLOOD MR JUDGE!

TODD RUNS OUTSIDE...

(A SPOTLITE SHINES DOWN ON SWEENY TODD)

VJ: (VOICE ONLY) HOW?

TODD: (SINGING) COME ONE COME ALL! TO MY BARBER HALL! CUT YOUR BEARD FOR A CHEAP PRICE, CLEAN CUT THE LADIES WILL THINK ITS NICE

LOVVETS WALKS OUTSIDE THE BARBER SHOP, THE SPOTLIGHT GOES AWAY AND THE MUSIC STOPS..SWEENY TURNS AROUND...

LOVETTS: HEY, IM MAKING DINNER..WHAT DO YOU WANT?

SWEENY DROPS TO HIS KNEES AND HE SMILES HOLDING OUT HIS STRAIGHT RAZOR, THE MUSIC STARTS BACK UP

SWEENY: (SINGING) I WANT SOME PORK CHOPS..MAYBE SOME MASH POTATOS! (SONG ENDS)

VJ: (VOICE ONLY) YOU SURE DO SING ALOT

(TIME ELASP) CHARLIE IS OUTSIDE WALKING THE STREETS...HE LOOKS UP AND SEES A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE GIRL LOOKING OUT A WINDOW...  
A OLD LADY WALKS BY...CHARLIE STOPS THE OLD LADY

CHARLIE: WHO IS THAT GIRL?

LADY: HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW

THE LADY WALKS OFF... A HOBO NEXT TO CHARLIE LOOKS UP..

HOBO: THATA SAVANAH..SHES THE DAUGHTER OF THE JUDGE...

(MUSIC STARTS PLAYING)

CHARLIE: (SINGING) I FEEL YOU! SAVANAH! I WANT TO HOLD YOU..I WANT TO BE INSIDE YOU SAVANAH

(INSIDE SAVANAHS ROOM) SAVANAH AND 3 YOUNG GIRLS ARE INSIDE SMOKING CIGRETS WITH THE WINDOW OPEN, THERES A MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE POSTER IN THE BACK GROUND...

BLACK GIRL: DID HE JUST SAY HE WANTED TO BE INSIDE YOU

SAVANAH: DAMN IT..EVERYTIME I SMOKE I HAFT TO BE NEAR A WINDOW SO MY STUPID DAD WONT KNOW IM SMOKING, AND SOME WEIRDO! WITH OUT FAIL PRONOUNCES HIS LOVE FOR ME

FAT GIRL: THIS GUY IS KIND OF CUTE THO

SAVANAH: YEAH I GUESS HE IS..

SAVANAH WAVES HIM OVER...

SAVANAH: I LOVE YOU TOO

CHARLIE: YOU DO

SAVANAH: SURE..NOW FIND A WAY TO GET ME OUT OF HERE

CHARLIE SMILES AND STARTS WALKING BACKWARDS...

CHARLIE: ILL FIND A WAY MY LOVE EVEN IF IT-

CHARLIE TRIPS OVER A STUMP...HE QUICKLY GETS BACK UP...

CHARLIE: I LOVE YOU SAVANAH..I WANT TO PEE ON YOU SAVANAH

SAVANAH: WAIT WHAT!

THE OTHER GIRLS STARTS LAUGHING

BLACK GIRL: HAHA BETTER GET USED TO THOSE GOLDEN SHOWERS GIRL!

CHARLIE: I LOVE YOU SAV-

A SECURITY GAURD IN A SUITE TACKLES CHARLIE TO THE GROUND..THE GAURD TASES CHARLIE

CHARLIE: GAAAA SAVANAH HELP!

(INSIDE THE BARBER SHOP) SWEENY IS SITTING IN HIS CHAIR...HE LOOKS OVER AT LOVETTS

SWEENY: IM BORED...

LOVETTS: WELL YOU JUST REOPENED A BARBER SHOP..WHICH MOST PEOPLE THINK IS HAUNTED...

SWEENY: THEY THINK MY PLACE IS HAUNTED

LOVETTS: WELL..THEY THINK THE CHUCK E CHEESE IS HAUNTED

SWEENY: WHAT! REALLY WHY?

LOVETTS: YOU SEE...REMEMBER WHEN YOU ACCEDENTLY KILLED SOME OF YOUR CUSTOMERS

SWEENY: YEAH..I WOULD HIT A BUTTON SENDING THEM INTO A DARK PIT

LOVETTS: WELL...NOT A DARK PIT

(FLASH BACK) INSIDE A CHUCK E CHEESE... THERES KIDS PLAYING IN A BALL PIT...A BODY WITH A SLIT THROAT FALLS FROM THE CELLING INTO THE BALL PIT, THE KIDS SCREAM...

(BACK TO THEM) SWEENY: OHHH...NOW THAT MAKES SENCE...

(SAVANAHS ROOM) SAVANAH IS IN HER BED WRITING IN A NOTEPAD..(OUTSIDE HER ROOM) THE JUDGE REMOVES A PAINTING AND THERES A HOLE IN THE WALL..HE LOOKS THREW IT... (BACK IN SAVANAHS ROOM) SAVANAH LOOKS OVER AND SEES HIS EYES..

SAVANAH: I SEE YOU...PERV

JUDGE: UHH NO YOU DONT..

SAVANAH: YEAH..AND NOW I CAN HEAR YOUR DUMBASS TOO..

(IN A MARKET PLACE) TODD AND LOVETT ARE WALKING THREW THE MARKET PLACE..

TODD: DAMN ITS BRIGHT AS HELL OUT TODAY ISNT IT..

LOVETTS: DO YOU ALWAYS COMPLAIN

A BRICK WALL OF A BUILDING BREAKS APART AND A MOTORCYCLE DRIVES OUT, ITS EDDIE FROM ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW THE SONG HOT PATOOTIE-BLESS MY SOUL BY MEAT LOAF STARTS PLAYING

EDDIE: (SINGING) WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SATURDAY, WHEN YOU DRESSED UP SHAP AND FELT ALRIGHT, IT DONT SEEM THE SAME SINCE THE COSMIC LIGHT, CAME INTO MY LIFE AND I THOUGHT I WAS DIVINE.. I USED TO GO FOR A RIDE WITH A CHICK WHOD GO, AND LISTEN TO THE MUSIC ON THE RADIO, A SAXAPHONE WAS BLOWIN ON A ROCK N ROLL SHOW, YOU CLIMBED IN THE BACK SEAT, YOU REALLY HAD A GOOD TIME

AS THE CHORUS PLAYS EDDIE AND THE PEOPLE ON THE STREETS SING, SWEENY PULLS OUT HIS BLACK STRAIGHT RAZOR AND SLASHES AT EDDIE AND CHASES HIM THREW THE REST OF THE SONG

CHORUS: HOT PATOOTIE BLESS MY SOUL, I REALLY LOVE THAT ROCK N ROLL (4X)

SWEENY KNICKS EDDIES SHOULDER EDDIE DRIVES ONTO A CARRIAGE THAT SAYS MR PIRELLIS MIRACLE ELIXIR

EDDIE: MY HEAD USED TO SWIM FROM THE PERFUME I SMELLED, MY HANDS KIND OF FUMBLED WITH HER WHITE PLASTIC BELT, ID TASTE HER BABY PINK LIPSTICK AND THATS WHEN ID MELT, SHED WHISPEAR IN MY EAR TONIGHT SHE REALLY WAS MINE, GET BACK IN FRONT PUT SOME HAIR OIL ON, BUDDY HOLLY WAS SINGING HIS VERY LAST SONG, WITH YOUR ARMS AROUND YOUR GIRL YOUD TRY TO SING ALONG,  
IT FELT PRETTY GOOD, OH, YOU REALLY HAD A GOOD TIME

SWEENY IS CLIMBING UP THE CARRIAGE, EDDIE DRIVES OFF OF IT AND DRIVES AROUND...

CHORUS: HOT PATOOTIE BLESS MY SOUL, I REALLY LOVE THAT ROCK N ROLL (4X)

SWEENY TODD STARTS CHASING EDDIE AROUND AGAIN

CHROUS: HOT PATOOTIE BLESS MY SOUL, I REALLY LOVE THAT ROCK N ROLL (8X)

(SONG ENDS) EDDIE STOPS HIS BIKE AND LOVETTS AND TODD WALK OVER

TODD: WHO ARE YOU...

EDDIE: IM EDDIE..I LIKE TO CRASH FRUITY LITTLE SING A LONGS...

TODD: WE WERNT SINGING

EDDIE: NOT YET..BUT YOU WERE ABOUT TO..

TODD: YOUR LUCKY, I WAS GOING TO SLICE YOUR THROAT

EDDIE: STILL WENT BETTER THEN THE LAST ONE I DID

(INSIDE A ORPHANAGE) ANNIE IS DANCEING AND SINGING THE SONG ITS A HARK KNOCK LIFE

ANNIE: ITS A HARD KNOCK LIFE FOR US ITS A HARD KNOCK LIFE FOR US-

(MUSIC STOPS) EDDIE CRASHES THREW THE WALL AND THE SONG HOT PATOOTIE STARTS PLAYING, EDDIES TIRE CHAIN ON HIS MOTORCYCLE CATCHES ANNIE BY HER HAIR, ANNIE STARTS SCREAMING AS IT STARTS PULLING IT...

EDDIE: OH NO!

EDDIE GETS OFF HIS BIKE AND GETS DOWN TO ANNIE, ITS RIPPING HER HAIR OUT

EDDIE: OH SHIT CUT THE MUSIC

(MUSIC STOPS)

ANNIE: HELP!

EDDIE: OHHH NO NO NO NO..UHHH

EDDIE RUNS AWAY

(BACK TO LONDON) TODD: THATS FUNNY..

LOVETT: DONT TRUST GINGERS NO HOW

EDDIE: WELL IM HEADING OVER TO THAT FRANKENSTEIN PLACE

EDDIE DRIVES OFF, A YOUNG BOY WALKS OVER...

BOY: OY..ARNT YOU MS LOVETTS

LOVETT: I AM

BOY: IM TOBY..IM YOUR NEPHEW..MY MOM IS SICK YOU SEE..SHE WAS HOPING YOU COULD TAKE CARE OF ME FOR A WHILE

LOVETT: MY DEAR SISTER HUH..HAVNT SEEN HER IN YEARS...OBVIOUSLY SHES BEEN BUSY...COME ALONG THEN..

(TIME ELASP) 5 MONTHS LATER.. TOBY GOES UPSTAIRS, HE SEES SWEENY SLASH SOMEONES THROAT WITH A RAZOR, THE BOY DUCKS DOWN...  
HIS EYES ARE BIG... TOBY RUNS DOWNSTAIRS..HE GOES INSIDE THE CHUCKE E CHEESE...HE LOOKS AROUND... HE SEES A TRAIL OF BLOOD LEADING INTO THE BASEMENT.. (TIME ELASP) TOBY IS IN THE BASEMENT..MS LOVETTS IS DRAGING A BODY TO A GIANT OVEN..SHE DROPS THE BODY AND OPENS A GIANT OVEN...  
SHE GRABS THE BODY

TOBY: HEY..MR TODD...HE KILLED SOMEONE... WE NEED TO GO

LOVETTS: NO..NO DEAR..YOUR MISTAKEN..HEY..GO TO BED..AND ILL BE THERE SHORTLY TO TELL YOU A STORY...

(TIME ELASP) TOBY IS IN A SMALL ROOM... MRS LOVETTS WALKS IN..

LOVETTS: YOU READY FOR BED

TOBY: OKAY...MR TODD HES SCARRY..BUT I WONT LET HIM HARM YOU!

(MUSIC STARTS PLAYING) TOBY: (SINGING) NOTHINGS GOING TO HARM YOU..NOT WHILE IM AROUND...NO ONES GOING TO KILL YOU NOT WHILE IM AROUND

LOVETT: WAIT NOW YOU GOT ME THINKING SOMEONE IS GOING TO HARM ME...

TOBY: NO ONES GOING TO THROW YOU IN A GIANT OVEN, NOT WHILE IM AROUND

LOVETT: THATS ODDLY SPECFIC! WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME..

LOVETT RUNS OUT THE ROOM...

(BARBER SHOP) SWEENY IS STARING AT THE CELLING..THE JUDGE WALKS IN...

JUDGE: AHH HELLO THERE..

SWEENY: AHH SIT PLEASE...

JUDGE: ALRIGHT..

THE JUDGE SITS DOWN.

JUDGE: IM ACTUALLY HERE ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS...

SWEENY: ARE YOU

JUDGE: YEAH.. SEEMS.. SOME CUSTOMERS OF YOURS HAVE BEEN DISAPEARING

SWEENY: REALLY..HUH

JUDGE: YOU KNOW THE DAMNDIST THING.. THERE ONCE WAS THIS BARBER..AND THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO HIM...

SWEENY: YOU KNOW..YOUR RIGHT..ITS ME..IM SWEENY TODD!

JUDGE: YEAH NO SHIT

SWEENY: YOU FRAMED ME SO YOU COULD HAVE HECTOR TO YOURSELF!

JUDGE: WHO?

SWEENY: THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

JUDGE: NO DUMBASS, I HAVE A WIFE, IVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 27 YEARS, I HAD YOU ARRESTED FOR ACTUALLY KILLING YOUR CUSTOMERS

SWEENY: OHH..SHIT... BUT STILL..NOW YOU MUST DIE

JUDGE: SHOULD HAVE SAW THIS COMING

SWEENY TODD SLITS THE JUDGES THROAT BLOOD SPRAYS ALL OVER HIM...SWEENY PULLS A LEVER AND THE CHAIR FLIPS BACK AND THE JUDGE FALLS THREW A HOLE...THERES A NOISE BEHIND SWEENY HE TURNS AROUND REAL FAST SLASHING...HE SLITS HECTORS THROAT, HECTOR LOOKS IDENTICAL THE WAY HE DID 15 YEARS AGO..HECTOR STUMBLES TO THE GROUND

SWEENY: NO! SHE SAID...YOU WERE FAT..AND SOLD ORANGES! YOUR STILL PERFECT...

HECTOR TRIES TO GET UP..HE FALLS THREW THE HOLE...

SWEENY: WHERE IS SHE!

(TIME ELASP) SWEENY WALKS IN THE BASEMENT, MS LOVETTS IS THROWING BODY PARTS IN THE OVEN...

SWEENY: LIAR!

LOVETT: WAIT WHAT

SWEENY: YOU SAID HE WAS SELLING ORANGES..BUT HE WAS PERFECT...JUST LIKE THE DAY I WAS LOCKED AWAY...

LOVETTS: NO ALL I SAID WAS THATS HIM THERE

SWEENY: YES AT THE FAT MAN SELLING ORANGES!

LOVETTS: HE WAS BEHIND THAT GUY

(FLASH BACK) SWEENY LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW, AT THE MAN SELLING ORANGES. BEHIND HIM IS HECTOR WAVING AT SWEENY TODD

(BASEMENT) SWEENY: SON OF A BITCH

LOVETTS: YOU REALLY NEED TO COMMUNICATE BETTER..

SWEENY SLITS LOVETTS THROAT AND PUSHES HER INTO THE OVEN...  
SWEENY DROPS TO HIS KNEES..TOBY WALKS IN WITH A STRAIGHT RAZOR..HE WALKS UP BEHIND SWEENY...SWEENY ELBOWS HIM IN THE NOSE KNOCKING HIM TO THE GROUND... POLICEMAN RUN INTO THE BASEMENT...

(TIME ELASP) THEY THROW SWEENY IN THE BACK OF A COP CAR..HE SEES CHARLIE AND SAVANAH..SWEENY SMILES

(PRESENT DAY) SWEENY: THATS MY STORY...

VJ: OKAY..SO YOU DONT WATCH WRESTLING?

(IN DR ROBERTS OFFICE) DR ROBERTS AND MIKE IN MAITENANCE ARE TALKING..MIKE HAS A SUITECASE

DR ROBERTS: SO..THIS IS A STRANGE DEAL..YOUR GIVING ME THESE DRUGS..FOR FREE..ALL I GOT TO DO..IS KILL VJ...AND HIS BUDDY

MIKE: YES...I GOT A PLAN TO SEND HIM UP HERE..ONCE HE GETS HERE, LOCK THIS PLACE DOWN..AND TAKE HIM OUT...

DR ROBERTS: IM GOING TO GIVE THESE TO MY PATIENTS...YOU KNOW YOUR SON IS ONE OF THEM RIGHT

MIKE: THATS FINE..DO AS YOU PLEASE...JUST KILL THOSE TWO KIDS FOR ME..

DR ROBERTS: YOU GOT THESE PILLS TO TURN PEOPLE INTO MONSTERS..AND YOU CANT KILL 2 KIDS...

MIKE: IVE TRIED TO KILL ONE OF THEM..BUT HES...LUCKY...

DR ROBERTS: GOOD THING I DONT BELEIVE IN LUCK...

(TIME ELASP) VJ EXITS SWEENYS ROOM... HE GOES INTO THE BATHROOM..HE GOES INTO A STALL...(OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM) TANK LOCKS THE BATHROOM DOOR... AND SMILES...

(IN CAPS ROOM) 7PM.. CAP IS ASLEEP IN HIS ROOM...HIS PHONE RINGS WITH THE RINGTONE BEING DWARF FOREST FROM TOMBA..CAP WAKES UP AND ANSWERS IT...SONG STOPS

CAP: HEH?

VOICE: (DEEP) COME TO THE SQUIRRELY MENTAL FACILITY...YOUR FRIEND VJ IS IN DANGER...

CAP: WHAT..DAMN IT WHAT DID HE DO?

VOICE: BETTER HURRY

THE PHONE CALL ENDS

CAP: SHIT!

(TIME ELASP) CAP ENTERS THE LIVING ROOM...A LARGE FAT MAN IS SITTING ON THE COUCH, HES PLAYING ON HIS PHONE. HES CAPTAIN COOLS DAD BRYON (YES THATS HOW HE SPELLS IT)

CAP: HEY I NEED TO GET A RIDE

BRYON: BUSY

CAP: WHAT PLAYING YOUR MOBILE GAMES!

BRYON: CLASH OF CLANS...AND YES

CAP: WHAT THE FUCK!

CAP EXITS HIS HOUSE...

CAP: GOT TO FIND A RIDE...

(TIME ELASP) THE SONG TOO LATE BY FINK STARTS PLAYING...CAPS TALKING ON THE PHONE

CAP: DAMN IT FRANKIE...WHY CANT YOU GET OFF WORK...BUT...BUT...FUCK!

CAP HANGS UP THE PHONE..(TIME ELASP) CAPS ON THE PHONE

CAP: YEAH..BUT..ITS VJ COME ON...DAMN IT..

CAP HANGS UP THE PHONE

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS RUNNING DOWN THE ROAD...HE IS SWEATY..HE STOPS...HE LOOKS BEHIND HIM.. A TRUCK DRIVES UP BEHIND HIM..IT STOPS (TIME ELASP) CAP IS IN THE TRUCK WITH A SHIRTLESS REDNECK...(TIME ELASP) 7:45PM..THE TRUCK PULLS UP TO THE FACILITY..CAP EXITS THE TRUCK ..HE SEES THE SIN EATER...CAP LOOKS BACK AT THE FACILITY AND RUNS INSIDE...CAP RUNS DOWN THE HALLWAY... (INSIDE SECURITY ROOM) DR ROBERTS AND TANK ARE WATCHING CAPTAIN COOL ON THE SECURITY CAMERAS...(SONG ENDS)

DR ROBERTS: HES OURS NOW...

DR ROBERTS HITS A RED BUTTON..ALL THE EXITS AND WINDOWS HAVE METAL BARRIERS CLOSE IN FRONT OF THEM...

(HALLWAY) CAP: OH SHIT!

VJ: (BATHROOM) GRAAAAA

CAP LOOKS BEHIND HIM...AND SEES THE BATHROOM...HE TRIES TO OPEN IT BUT ITS LOCKED..HE UNLOCKS IT..CAP RUNS INSIDE AND SEES VJS FEET UNDER A STALL..

CAP: VJ?

VJ: DUDE..IS THAT YOU

CAP: YEAH...YOU OKAY..HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LOCKED IN HERE...

VJ: ...I WAS LOCKED IN?

CAP: YEAH..SOMEONE CALLED ME..THEY SAID YOU WERE IN DANGER...

VJ: NAH...IM FINE..

CAP: WELL MAYBE..LETS GO, WEIRD SHITS HAPPENING!

VJ: ALMOST FINISHED

(INSIDE A CELL) A MAN WITH SCARS ALL OVER HIS FACE WHOSE WEARING A STRAIGHT JACKET IS LOOKING AT THE WALL..THE DOOR OPENS AND DR ROBERTS WALKS IN... HE WALKS OVER TO THE MAN WITH A CUP...

ROBERTS: I CAME TO GIVE YOU YOUR MEDICINE..OPEN UP

THE MAN OPENS HIS MOUTH..DR ROBERTS DROPS THE PILLS IN HIS MOUTH...THE MAN SWALLOWS THEM

ROBERTS: HAHA GOOD...

THE MAN: I FEEL FUNNY

ROBERTS: THAT WILL GO AWAY SOON...

(TIME ELASP) DR ROBERTS AND TANK ARE IN THE SECURITY ROOM...

TANK: ALRIGHT..SO WHY DID WE GIVE ALL THESE PILLS TO THE REAL CRAZY ONES?

ROBERTS: I WANT TO SEE WHAT EXACTLY THESE PILLS CAN DO...AND I WANT TO SEE HOW THE OTHER NON CRAZYIER PATIENTS CAN HANDLE THEMSELEVES AGAINST MY MONSTERS...TIME TO SET THEM FREE

(IN THE SCARRED MANS ROOM) HIS EYES STARTS TURNS BLOOD SHOT...HE STARTS FOAMING OUT THE MOUTH...HE RIPS OUT OF THE STRAIGHT JACKET..HES REALLY MUSCULAR...(OUTSIDE IN THE HALLWAY) ALL THE CELL DOORS OPEN AT THE SAME TIME.. THE PATIENTS START RUNNING OUT THE DOORS...

(SECURITY ROOM)

DR ROBERTS: ...LET THE GAMES BEGIN...

CAP AND VJ EXIT THE BATHROOM..A CRAZY PATIENT IS STABBING ANOTHER INMATE TO DEATH WITH A KNIFE..

CAP: BACK IN THE BATHROOM..

THEY RUN BACK INSIDE THE BATHROOM...

CAP: WHATS HAPPENING?

VJ: DUDE I DONT KNOW..EVERYTHING WAS FINE BEFORE I STARTED POOPING..OHH MAN..SOME HOW THIS IS GOING TO FALL BACK ON ME...

A PATIENT RUNS IN COVERED IN BLOOD

CAP AND VJ: AAAAAHH

THE PATIENT GRABS CAPTAIN COOL BY THE SHOULDER..VJ KICKS THE PATIENT UPSIDE THE HEAD SMASHING HIS HEAD INTO THE WALL BREAKING A PIECE OF THE WALL OFF...THE PATIENT FALLS ON THE GROUND UNCONTIOUS...

CAP: OKAY WE NEED TO RUN FOR THE EXIT! JUST STICK TOGETHER...

THEY EXIT THE BATHROOM...CAP GETS BEHIND VJ..

CAP: LETS BULL RUSH THREW THEM...

VJ CHARGES DOWN THE HALL WAY WITH CAP BEHIND HIM...THEY KNOCK DOWN 8 PATIENTS

GIRL: AHHH HELP...

CAP STOPS AND LOOKS AROUND..VJ RUNS OFF

CAP: A GIRL IS IN DANGER..IN DANGER OF NEEDING A BOYFRIEND..

CAP GOES TO A ROOM..A PATIENT IS TRYING TO GET ON TOP OF VICKIE..

VICKIE: GET OFF ME..

PATIENT: COME ON GIRL..JUST LET ME TOUCH YOU..

CAP GRABS HIM AND THROWS HIM FACE FIRST INTO THE WALL..HE TURNS AROUND..HIS EYES ARE BLOOD SHOT AND HES FOAMING OUT THE MOUTH..

PATIENT: ILL USE YOUR SKULL AS A ASHTRAY!

THE PATIENT TACKLES CAP THREW THE WALL...THE PATIENT GRABS CAP BY THE BACK OF HIS SHIRT AND LIFTS HIM OFF THE GROUND...CAP LOOKS OVER AT HIM...CAP SMILES.. CAP HAS A THUMB TACK IN HIS HAND

CAP: TACK ATTACK!

CAP FLICKS IT IN THE PATIENT EYE..HE DROPS CAP AND HOLDS HIS EYE..THE PATIENT CAP PUNCHES THE THUMB TACK IN HIS EYE..THE INMATE DROPS TO THE GROUND SCREAMING..  
VICKIE RUNS OVER TO CAP AND GRABS HIS SHIRT..

CAP: HEY WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

VICKIE: OKAY

(FRONT ENTRANCE OF THE HALLWAY) VJ GETS TO THE FRONT DOOR BUT A METAL BARICADE IS IN FRONT OF IT...VJ TRIES TO PUSH IT OPEN BUT IT WONT BUDGE... A YOUNG DOCTOR RUNS UP TO VJ

DOCTOR: YOUR THE NEW ORDERLY..CAN YOU HELP ME ESCAPE

VJ LOOKS AROUND

VJ: SURE..BUT HAVE YOU SEEN CAPTAIN COOL?

DR: WHO

VJ: MY FRIEND..HES DRESSED LIKE A STUPID FUCKING SUPER HERO...

DR: EHH.. NO I HAVNT SEEN HIM..BUT YOU CAN LOOK FOR HIM AS WE ESCAPE...

VJ: ALRIGHT...

(IN A DARK HALLWAY) WARNER IS WALKING DOWN THE HALLWAY..HE GETS TO THE SECURITY ROOM... HE OPENS THE DOOR ITS EMPTEY...  
A MAN WALKS IN BEHIND HIM...ITS JACK..WARNER TURNS BACK AROUND AND JACK PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE...

(IN A REC ROOM) 7 PATIENTS ARE BEATING UP ON A SMALL BLACK INMATE..THEY THROW HIM INTO A DR. PEPPER VENDING MACHINE

PATIENT: HAHA TIME TO CUT YOU INTO SMALL LITTLE PIECES HAHAHAAHA

THE PATIENT GETS KICKED IN THE FACE AND HE FLIES IN THE AIR AND LANDS ON A POOL TABEL...SWEENY TODD IS THERE

SWEENY: SWEENYS MY NAME

PATIENT 2: GET HIM

SWEENY DROPS DOWN AND LEG SWEEPS ALL OF THEM... SWEENY JUMPS UP AND KICKS THE TOP OF THE CELLING AND FLIES BACK DOWN AND KICKS ONE IN THE FACE KNOCKING HIM OUT...THE OTHER 5 PATIENTS GET UP AND RUN AWAY..

SWEENY WALKS OVER TO THE BLACK INMATE AND HELPS HIM UP...

BLACK GUY: THANK YOU...

SWEENY: LETS GET OUT OF HERE

(CAP AND VICKIE RUN DOWN A LONG HALLWAY)..THEY GET TO A CAFETERIA...

CAP: OKAY..MAYBE WE COULD-

CAP FLIES FORWARD...VICKIE LOOKS OVER AND TANK IS THERE...

TANK: HEY KIDO..

TANK GRABS VICKIE BY HER NECK...

TANK: MISS ME?

VICKIE SQUIRMS TO GET FREE

VICKIE: HELP!

CAP GETS UP

CAP: STOP...OR ILL KICK YOUR ASS

TANK: YOU...WHAT CAN YOU DO TO A GUY LIKE ME

CAP: IT DOESNT MATTER HOW STRONG YOU ARE..ILL FIND AWAY TO DEFEAT YOU...

TANK ELBOWS HER UPSIDE THE HEAD KNOCKING HER OUT..HE TROWS HER IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM...

TANK: WINNER GETS THE GIRL...

CAP: DEAL...

(IN THE SECURITY ROOM) VJ AND THE DR WALK IN...WARNER IS KNOCKED OUT IN THE ROOM...

DR: OHH MAN...THIS CANT BE-

BLOOD POORS DOWN THE DRS BODY...THERES A SPEAR STICKING THREW THE DRS EYE...HE FALLS DOWN DEAD...JACK IS THERE SMILING...

JACK: HOWS MY NEW SKIN DOING?

(TOP FLOOR) SWEENY AND THE MAN ARE WALKING DOWN A DARK HALLWAY... THEY SEE 3 DEAD PATIENTS WHO ARE COVERED IN BLOOD...

BLACK GUY: WHO DID ALL OF THIS

DR ROBERTS: (BEHIND THEM) HES THE COOLSVILLE BUTCHER..A CRAZY SERIAL KILLER WHO WENT ON A MURDER SPREE 5 YEARS AGO

THEY TURN AROUND... DR ROBERTS IS THERE...

SWEENY: DR ROBERTS, I ALWAYS WANTED TO TRIM THAT BLOODY BUSH OFF YOUR FACE...

DR ROBERTS: MR TODD.. BLACK GUY...

SWEENY: WHY IS EVERYONE OUT LIKE THIS

DR ROBERTS: IM DOING AN EXPERIMENT...TO SEE WHICH OF MY PATIENTS COULD SURVIVE THIS MADNESS..IT DOESNT HELP I HAVE GAVE MY PATIENTS THESE MIRACLE DRUGS

DR ROBERTS PULLS OUT A BOTTLE OF PERSCRIPTION PILLS, WITH ONLY 2 PILLS INSIDE...HE SHAKES THE BOTTLE..

ROBERTS: THIS MAKES YOU STRONGER..MORE VICIOUS..MORE RUTHLESS...AND THE SIDE EFFECT..IT MAKES YOU GO CRAZY!

SWEENY: BUT WHY?

ROBERTS: I LOVE TO SEE HOW BRAINS WORK..WHAT MAKES PEOPLE TICK...SO THIS WAS ALWAYS A FANTASY OF MINE..EVEN SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL... AND THERE ALREADY INVESTIGATING ME...SOON EVERYONE WILL KNOW ABOUT ALL THE EXPERIAMENTS I HAVE BEEN PUTTING MY PATIENTS THREW..AND SOON ILL BE IN JAIL...BUT A MAN CAME TO ME..WITH A OPPERTUNITY TO LIVE OUT MY DREAM EXPERIMENT! ...AND ITS ALL BEEN WORTH IT...ALL THE MADNESS! AND TRUST ME..THE MASNESS HAS JUST BEGUN!

ROBERTS OPENS THE PILL BOTTLE AND DROPS THE PILLS IN HIS MOUTH..HE SWALLOWS IT...

ROBERTS: IM GOING TO ENJOY EVERY SECOND OF IT...

ROBERTS STARTS BECOMING MORE MUCULAR...

ROBERTS: HAHA LETS GO MR TODD!

(CAFETERIA) TANK SWINGS AT CAPS HEAD, CAP DUCKS AND HITS TANK IN THE CHEST 5 TIMES..TANK SMACKS CAP UPSIDE THE HEAD...CAP STUMBLES BACK...HE SHAKES HIS HEAD, CAP LOOKS OVER AND TANK PUNCHES CAPTAIN COOL IN THE NOSE, CAP FLIES BACK AND HITS THE GROUND, WITH BLOOD GUSHING OUT HIS NOSE...CAP KNEES START TO SHAKE..HE FALLS TO THE GROUND...TANK GRABS CAP BY HIS HAIR AND LIFTS HIM UP OFF THE GROUND... TANK PUNCHES HIM IN THE STOMACHE, CAP FLIES BACK ON THE GROUND AND SLIDES...CAP HOLDS HIS STOMACHE

TANK: GIVE UP KID...I THINK IM GOING TO KNOCK SOME BOOTS WITH THIS GIRL BEFORE I SNAP HER NECK...

CAP SPITS OUT SOME BLOOD..

CAP RUNS OVER AT TANK..HE JUMPS UP AT TANK, CAP PUNCHES AT HIM..TANK GRABS CAPS ARM

TANK: ROCK EM SOCK EM UPPERCUT!

TANK UPPER CUTS CAP IN MID AIR..CAP FLIES BACK IN THE AIR AND LANDS ON THE GROUND...TANK POPS HIS KNUCKLES..CAP SLOWLY GETS UP..HIS BODY IS SHAKING...

CAP: DAMN YOU...YOUR NO GOOD TO ANYONE BUT YOURSELF...

TANK: THATS WHAT THIS WORLD HAS BECOME..YOU FIGHT FOR THE WEAK..YOU DIE..YOU FIGHT FOR YOURSELF...AND YOU THRIVE..

CAP COOL DASHES OVER AT TANK, HE KICKS TANK IN THE SIDE OF HIS KNEE..TANK FALLS DOWN TO ONE KNEE..CAP COOL UPPER CUTS TANK

CAP: ROCK EM SOCK EM UPPERCUT!

TANK FLIES BACK ON THE GROUND...

CAP: THANKS..I THINK ILL BORROW THAT MOVE..

TANK RUBS HIS CHIN...

TANK: NICE HIT...BUT..MINES MUCH STRONGER

TANK JUMPS UP..HE SWINGS AT CAP,

TANK: ROCK EM SOCK EM UPPERCUT!

CAP DODGES...TANK LOOKS AT CAP..CAP PULLS A THUMB TACK OUT HIS POCKET

CAP: TACK ATTACK!

CAP FLICKS THE TACK IN HIS EYE...TANK FLIES BACK SCREAMING...

TANK: AHHHHHHH! OHH GOD...HELLLP

CAP RUNS OVER AND KICKS THE WALL..HE JUMPS OFF AND PUNCHES HIM IN THE JAW...TANK FALLS TO THE GROUND...TANK THROWS THE TACK OUT HIS EYE...HE HOLDS HIS EYES...

TANK: OKAY..OKAY WHEN I GET UP! IM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS...

TANK OPENS HIS EYES.. (TANKS POV) EVERYTHING IS ALL BLURRY..SOMEONE STANDS OVER HIM...

TANK: LISTEN CAPTAIN COOL...YOU SHOULD RUN..IM REALLY PISSED OFF!

VICKIE: ITS ME..

TANKS VISION CLEARS..VICKIE IS STANDING ABOVE HIM...VICKIE HAS A METAL PIPE

TANK: GAAA! UHH PATIENT WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

VICKIE: ITS VICKIE TO YOU (BACK TO 3RD PERSON)

CAP: LOOK DONT-

VICKIE HITS TANK IN THE FACE, BLOOD SPEWS OUT HIS NOSE..

TANK: AHH YOU BITCH!

VICKIE REPEATEDLY SMASHES THE PIPE AGAINST TANKS HEAD..BLOOD SPLATTERS ALL OVER VICKIE...SHE STOPS AND TANK IS DEAD...

CAP: HOLY SHIT!

(TOP FLOOR) DR ROBERTS AND SWEENY TODD LOOK AT EACH OTHER..DR ROBERTS LUNDGES AT SWEENY TODD, TODD JUMPS UP AND KICKS AT DR ROBERTS HEAD, ROBERTS BLOCKS THE KICK WITH HIS ARM AND GRABS SWEENYS LEG AND THROWS HIM INTO A WALL...SWEENY SLIDES DOWN THE WALL..SWEENY JUMPS UP HE PUNCHES AT ROBERTS...ROBERTS CATCHES THE PUNCH, AND USES HIS OTHER FIST TO PUNCH TODD IN THE RIBS..  
SWEENY COUGHS UP SYLIVA..ROBERTS GRABS TODDS HAIR AND LIFTS HIM UP OFF THE GROUND THEN SLAMS HIM FACE FIRST INTO THE GROUND..

BLACK GUY: STOP

THE BLACK GUY RUNS OVER AT ROBERTS..ROBERTS PUNCHES HIM IN THE NOSE, THE BLACK GUY IS KNOCKED OUT..  
ROBERTS LOOKS DOWN AND SWEENY IS GONE... ROBERTS LOOKS AROUND...SWEENY KICKS THE ROOF AND FLIES DOWN AT ROBERTS...ROBERTSGRABS SWEENY BY HIS SHIRT AND SLAMS HIM INTO THE WALL..SWEENY SCREAMS..ROBERTS THROWS HIM INTO A DOOR..SWEENY FALLS DOWN..

TODD: IF I HAD MY STRAIGHT RAZORS THIS FIGHT WOULD BE OVER...

TODD GETS UP..

ROBERTS: HAHAHA IS THAT SO...

VOICE: THESE BLADES TODD LOOKS BEHIND HIM...A BALD MAN IS THERE WITH NO SHIRT, HE HAS TODDS BOX OF STRAIGHT RAZORS COVERED IN BLOOD...

TODD: MY BLADES

ROBERTS: MR. TODD..SAY HELLO TO THE COOLSVILLE BUTCHER...

THE MAN PULLS OUT THE FIRE RAZOR BLADE...

CB: TIME TO DIE!

THE BUTCHER RUNS AT SWEENY...SWEENY SMOOTHLY GRABS THE BLADE FROM THE BUTCHER AND SLASHES THE BUTCHER IN THE BACK..THE BUTCHER FLIES FORWARD WITH BLOOD SPEWING OUT HIS BACK... HE FALLS TO THE GROUND UNCONTIOUS

SWEENY: NOW..WERE TALKING..

TODD GETS THE BOX FROM THE UNCONTIOUS BUTCHER...

ROBERTS: NOW TIME TO PUT YOUR THEORY TO THE TEST MR. TODD..CAN YOU DEFEAT ME NOW THAT YOU HAVE YOUR BLADES...

TODD: MY FLAME RAZOR JUST GOT DONE HEATING UP!

ROBERTS: LETS GO THEN...

TODD AND ROBERTS RUN PAST EACH OTHER...ROBERTS BEARD FALLS OFF...ROBERTS FILLS HIS BEARD

TODD: I ALWAYS HATED THAT STUPID BEARD...

ROBERTS TURNS AROUND HE SWINGS HIS FIST AT TODD..TODD DUCKS AND SLASHES AT ROBERTS 5 TIMES...BLOOD SPEWS OUT OF HIS CHEST...  
ROBERTS FALLS TO THE GROUND...HE STARTS TO SHAKE...

ROBERTS: IT BURNS! IT FEELS LIKE IM ON FIRE!

TODD: COME SEE YOUR BARBER MR TODD AGAIN...

TODD PUTS HIS RAZOR AWAY IN HIS BOX...

(SECURITY ROOM) VJ: IM GOING TO GO...

JACK: I CANT ALLOW THAT..NOT WITHOUT YOUR SKIN...

THE SONG YOU CAME UP BY BIG PUNISHER STARTS PLAYING.. JACK PUTS HIS FIST UP...

VJ: OHH BOY..

THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER... JACK RUNS UP ON VJ...JACK PUNCHES VJ IN THE STOMACHE 5 TIMES VJ SLAPS JACK IN THE FACE..JACK STEPS BACK AND VJ KICKS HIM IN THE CHEST..JACK FLIES BACK INTO THE WALL.. JACK SMILES HE JUMPS UP ON A ROLLING CHAIR, HE KICKS THE WALL AND FLIES AT VJ, VJ SWINGS AT JACK.. JACK JUMPS OVER VJS PUNCH AND KICKS VJ IN THE HEAD, JACK FALLS BACK DOWN IN THE CHAIR, VJ KICKS THE CHAIR IT FLIES OUT FROM JACK, JACK FALLS DOWN AND VJ CATCHES HIM IN MID AIR AND DOES A BEAR HUG...JACK SQUIRMS..JACK HEADBUTTS VJ IN THE HEAD 3 TIMES..VJ JUMPS UP AND SLAMS DOWN TO THE GROUND SLAMMING DOWN ON TOP OF JACK, JACK GASP FOR AIR..  
VJ GETS UP..VJ POPS HIS NECK..JACK KICKS VJ IN THE ANKLE, VJ SLIDES DOWN AND FALLS TO HIS KNEE..JACK GETS UP AND PUNCHES VJ IN THE MOUTH.. JACK GRABS A LAMP AND SMASHES IT OVER VJS HEAD, SHATTERING IT..VJ GRABS JACK AND TACKLES HIM ON TOP OF A DESK AND THEY SMASH THREW IT..JACK BITES VJS HAND..VJ SCREAMS...VJ PUNCHES JACK IN THE FACE 4 TIMES WITH HIS OTHER HAND..JACK LETS GO..JACKS FACE IS BLACK...JACK SMILES..JACK PULLS A SWITCH BLADE OUT AND STABS VJ IN THE SHOULDER 3 TIMES..VJ GRABS HIS HAND AND SNAPS HIS WRIST..JACK SCREAMS AND LETS GO OF THE SWITCHBLADE..VJ GETS UP AND THROWS JACK INTO THE WALL..WHILE JACK IS IN MID AIR. VJ TACKLES HIM THREW THE WALL...  
THERE BOTH ON THE GROUND UNDER COLLAPSED WALL..JACK GETS UP...HE WALKS INTO A STAIR WELL...VJ GETS UP...VJ WALKS INTO THE STAIR WELL...JACK IS THERE WITH BOMBS STRAPPED TO HIS CHEST.. (SONG ENDS)

JACK: I WOULDNT IF I WAS YOU...

VJ: YOUVE HAD THAT ON YOU THE ENTIRE TIME!

JACK: YEAH...TO BAD..I REALLY WANTED TO WEAR YOUR SKIN..

VJ: DUDE THATS CREEPY

JACK: I WOULD HAVE LEFT YOU ALIVE...AND FORCED YOU TO WATCH ME EAT YOUR PENIS

A CLOSE UP OF VJS EYES..HE SQUINTS GETTING REALLY SERIOUS

VJ: NO ONE...THREATENS PHELLIPE

VJ KICKS JACK IN THE CHEST, BREAKING THE RAIL OF THE STAIR CASE JACK FALLS DOWN STORIES OF STAIRS..HALFWAY DOWN JACK HITS A BUTTON AND EXPLODES...THE BUILDING CATCHES ON FIRE

VJ: SHIT! I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THE BOMBS! OHHH SHIT...OHH NO... HOW COULD I FORGET! NOW MY BOSS IS REALLY GOING TO BE PISSED AT ME

(TIME ELASP) CAP BUST THREW A DOOR TO THE OUTSIDE WITH VICKIE FOLLOWING...

CAP LOOKS AT THE BURNING BUILDING...

CAP: VJS INSIDE...IM GOING BACK IN

VICKIE: ITS OKAY..I MADE IT..

VICKIE KISSES CAPTAIN COOL...

CAP: HUH HUH... HEY...UMM THANK YOU

VICKIE: YOU DONT HAFT TO THANK ME...

A WINDOW BUST OPEN..SWEENY FLIES OUT OF IT WITH THE BLACK MAN IN HIS ARMS...SWEENY PUTS THE BLACK MAN DOWN...

SWEENY: THAT WAS CLOSE...

(INSIDE) VJ IS RUNNING DOWN SOME BURNING STAIRS WITH WARNER AROUND HIS SHOULDER...VJ GETS TO THE BOTTOM FLOOR...VJ GOES OUT HE SEES THE EXIT..VJ STARTS RUNNING TO IT..

VOICE: WAIT!

VJ STOPS..VJ LOOKS TO SEE MR STEVENS TRAPPED UNDER A BOOK SHELF THATS ON FIRE...

STEVENS: VJ..PLEASE MOVE THIS DAMN BOOKSHELF...

VJ: I DONT KNOW...THAT BOOKSHELF IS ON FIRE...

STEVENS: IM YOUR BOSS...AND..ILL GIVE YOU..A WEEKS UNPAID VACATION...ILL PAY YOU...

VJ: OKAY...

STEVENS: 100 HUNDRED DOLLERS...

VJ: 100!

STEVENS: OKAY OKAY...FINE.. 23 HUNDRED

WARNER WAKES UP..HE GRABS VJS HAIR AND PULLS IT...

WARNER: GAAAAAA

VJ: GAAAAAA

STEVENS: NO WAIT!

VJ RUNS OUT THE BUILDING WITH WARNER...

CAP: VJ!

VJ: CAPTAIN COOL!

CAP: NO SHUT UP! LOOK VICKIE WANTS TO GO OUT WITH ME...

VJ: DUDE..SHES CRAZY..I DONT THINK THATS A GOOD IDEA...

CAP: NAH SHUT UP...ITS FINE!

THE BLACK GUY WAKES UP...HE STANDS UP

SWEENY TODD: BLACK GUY YOUR UP..

BLACK GUY: HEY..EVERYONE MADE IT..

VJ: NO..NO EVERYONE PRETTY MUCH DIED EXCEPT THE 6 OF US..

WARNER: HE SAID..6.. SIX TIMES FOUR IS 24..MINUS ONE..23..AHH-

VJ PUNCHES WARNER IN THE NOSE AND KNOCKS HIM OUT...

MIKE IN MAITENANCE IS WATCHING THEM IN A TREE..

VICKIE GRABS CAPTAIN COOLS HAND...THEY ALL STARE AT THE BURNING MENTAL HOSPITAL...THE SONG JUST DROPPED IN TO SEE WHAT CONDITION MY CONDITION IS IN STARTS PLAYING BY KENNY ROGERS... (AT THE TREE NEXT TO THE MENTAL FACILITY) MIKE LIGHTS A CIGRET... HE SMILES

MIKE: GOODBYE SON..

(BACK TO THE GANG) THEY ALL STARE UP AT THE FLAMING BUILDING..AND THE SUNSET BEHIND IT END


	2. EPISODE 2- HAVING FUN YET?

CHAPTER 2- HAVING FUN YET?

(A WEEK LATER) IN CAPTAIN COOLS ROOM.. CAP AND VICKIE ARE IN HIS BED MAKING OUT... (TIME ELASP) THERE HAVING SEX..

VICKE: YOU ALMOST DONE...

CAP: YEA

VICKIE: DO ME A FAVOR...

CAP: WHAT?

VICKIE: IVE BEEN WATCHING ALOT OF PORN HERE RECENTLY...AND IVE ALWAYS WANTED A FACIAL...

CAP: ...NO..NO I CANT DO THAT.. NO

VICKIE: WHY!?

CAP: I DONT KNOW...I WOULD FEEL HORRIBLE IF I DID THAT...

VICKIE: DO IT YOU PUSSY...

CAP: OKAY...

VICKIE PUTS HER FACE NEXT TO CAPS CROTCH..CAP STARTS JERKING OFF...

VICKE: COME ON YOUR TAKING TO LONG!

VICKIE SPITS ON IT...

CAP: OHHH SHIT

VICKIE: YEA.. ALMOST READ-

CAPS HAND SLIPS AND HE PUNCHES VICKIE IN THE FACE.. VICKIE FLIES OFF THE BED... CAP JUMPS OVER TO CHECK ON HER

VICKIE: IM ALRI-

CAP JIZZES ALL OVER HER FACE...

(THAT NIGHT) THE SONG SWITCHBLADE BY HOLY WHITE HOUNDS STARTS PLAYING..CAP IS PUSHING BUGGIES WITH HEADPHONES ON AT MAGIC MART... HE PUSHES A SET OF BUGGIES TO THE GARAGE DOOR... HE POPS HIS NECK..(TIME ELASP) CAP PUSHES ANOTHER SET TO THE FRONT, (TIME ELASP) AND ANOTHER. (TIME ELASP) AND YET ANOTHER... (TIME ELASP) HE PUSHES THIS SET TO THE FRONT.. THE LOT IS EMPTEY OF BUGGIES...A SHADOW THAT RESEMBLES A DEMON IS NEXT TO CAP..CAPTAIN COOL TURNS AROUND A MAN IS THERE, HE IS 6FT 3 HAS BLACK HAIR GLASSES BEEDY EYES A MUSTACHE JEANS AND BOOTS ON.. HES ALEJANDRO AGE 21.. CAP TAKES HIS HEADPHONES OFF AND THE SONG ENDS

ALEJANDRO: HEY MAN...IM ALEJANDRO

CAP: ..HEY.. IM CAPTAIN COOL

ALEJANDRO: OHH IM THE NEW GUY IN MAITEANCE...

CAP: YOUR SCOTTS STEP SON?

ALEJANDRO: NO..IM DATING HIS DAUGHTER BUT WERE NOT ENGAGED...

CAP: OHHH..

CAP LOOKS AT HIS BEEDY EYES

CAP: ARE YOU PISSED OR ASIAN?

ALEJANDRO: NEITHER..IM HALF MEXICAN HALF WHITE

CAP: YEAH ID BE PISSED TOO..SO HAVE YOU MEET EVERYBODY YET?

ALEJANDRO: YEAH..FRANKS GOING TO TAKE ME UNDER HIS WING...

CAP: WHAT..IVE BEEN HERE LIKE A MONTH! HE HASNT TEACHED ME SHIT YET

ALEJANDRO: WELL...HE SAYS SINCE IM SO YOUNG AND ITS MY FIRST JOB I WOULD BE LIKE A SPONGE AND SOAK UP ALL THE KNOWLEDGE...

CAP: HOW OLD ARE YOU?

ALEJANDRO: 21..

CAP: THIS IS MY FIRST JOB!...AND IM 18!

ALEJANDRO SHRUGS...

(TIME ELASP) A FEW DAYS LATER 9PM... VICKIE AND CAP ARE IN HIS BED...

VICKIE: YOU SURE YOUR PARENTS WONT GET MAD AT ME FOR STAYING THE NIGHT..

CAP: NO.. IM SURE THEY WONT MIND...

VICKIE: OKAY COOL...

CAP: WHY WERE YOU IN THAT MENTAL FACILITY..I MEAN YOU SEEM PERFECTLY NORMAL..

VICKIE: I HAVE HAD A TOUGH..A VERY TOUGH LIFE...

CAP: IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT...

VICKIE: I HAVE SOME PROBLEMS..WHEN THEY COME UP..WE CAN DEAL WITH THEM THEN...BUT FOR NOW..LETS JUST RELAX..ITS YOUR DAY OFF..

CAP SMILES..HE KISSES VICKIE..

CAP: ILL BE BACK..GOT TO TAKE A PISS

CAP GETS UP AND LEAVES THE ROOM...VICKE JUMPS UP AND WALKS TO THE CORNER OF THE ROOM TO A LAMP...

VICKIE: OKAY HES GONE...

VICKIE STARTS KISSING THE LAMP...

VICKIE: ..WE CANT KEEP DOING THIS MR LAMP...

LAMP: YOU CANT KEEP DOING THIS... YOU NEED TO CHOOSE VICKIE..

VICKIE: YOUR RIGHT...THIS IS SO HARD.. (CRYING) I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH...

LAMP: IF YOU DONT TELL HIM I WILL

VICKIE: YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING!

LAMP: I WOULDN'T BE SO SURE ABOUT

VICKIE PICKS UP THE LAMP AND SMASHES IT AGAINST THE WALL SHATTERING IT...

VICKIE: YOU MADE ME DO THIS! YOU MADE ME DO THIS!

CAP IS STANDING IN THE DOOR WAY...

CAP: ..I THINK WERE AT THAT POINT IN THE ROAD, WHERE WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS...

(TIME ELASP) 8AM...CAP AND VICKIE ARE IN BED ASLEEP...

FRANKIE: (ANOTHER ROOM) CAPTAIN COOL GET YO ASS IN HERE!

THEY WAKE UP...

VICKIE: OHH GOD OH GOD NO!

VICKIE STARTS TO CRY...

CAP: MOTHER FUCKER...

CAP GETS UP AND GOES INTO THE LIVING ROOM... FRANKIE IS STANDING THERE..CAPS DAD IS ON THE COUCH PLAYING ON HIS PHONE...  
THERES 2 DOGS THERE, ONE IS A BLACK YORKIPOO NAMED PRINCESS SALLY SLICE AND THE OTHER IS A GREY YORKI NAMED GEORGE...

FRANKIE: DID SHE STAY THE NIGHT?

CAP: YEA...

FRANKIE: OHH WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THAT?

CAP: OKAY I THINK A FEW WEEKS AGO YOU SAID ASK YOU BEFORE SHE CAN STAY THE NIGHT...TALK TO YOU

FRANKIE: THATS RIGHT...

CAP: OKAY YOU WERE ALREADY IN BED..IT WAS LATE..DIDNT WANT HER DRIVING IN THE DARK...

FRANKIE: DONT GET SMART WITH ME MOTHER FUCKER..YOU WANT TO ADULT THINGS...FINE..BUT IF YOUR GOING TO ACT LIKE AN ADULT..IM GOINT TO TREAT YOU LIKE AN ADULT SO.. THAT WILL BE $520 RENT A MONTH...

CAP: OH WHAT THE FUCK!

FRANKIE: YEAH..ASSHOLE!

CAP LOOKS OVER..GEORGE IS HUMPING PRINCESS SALLY SLICE

CAP: NOW DOES HE HAFT TO PAY RENT TOO!?

(IN SOME SECRET LOCATION) MIKE IN MAITENANCE IS MOPING THE FLOORS OF A BATHROOM WITH BLACK TILE...

MIKE: (INNER THOUGHTS) HE KILLED MY SON...HE GETS ON MY NERVES...AND WORST OF ALL...HE REMINDS ME OF HIM...

A MAN IN A BLACK TRENCH COAT WALKS IN..HES 8FT TALL AND HAS SLICK BLACK HAIR..HES LORD VICTORIOUS

MIKE: HELLO LORD VICTORIOUS

LORD: HELLO GUY WHO CLEANS THE SHITTER...

LORD VICTORIOUS GOES INTO A STALL...

(TIME ELASP) THERES A LARGE ROOM FILLED WITH PEOPLE..EVERYONE IS GATHED UP IN FRONT OF A TABEL..THE TABEL STRECHES ACROSS THE ROOM.. AT THE TABEL SIT 13 PEOPLE..IN THE DARK LIGHT ROOM YOU CAN ONLY SEE THE SILHOUETTES OF THE PEOPLE AT THE TABEL...

SILHOUETTE 1: EVERYONE SETTLE DOWN PLEASE...WE THE 13 LORDS OF EVIL.. WOULD LIKE TO WELCOME YOU TO OUR MONTHLY CONFRENCE OF EVIL

MIKE IN MAITENANCE IS IN THE CROWD...

SILHOUETTE 2: OKAY..AS WE ALL KNOW.. THE SUPER VILLIANS DR. DEATH, ICE PRINCESS, AND DEATH VON DEATH HAVE ALL BEEN LOCKED AWAY IN STONEWAY PRISON SINCE OUR LAST CONFRENCE...

SILHOUETTE 3: ALL GREAT VILLIANS...

SILHOUETTE 1: WE THINK..THIS MONTH..WE SHOULD TRY AND TAKE OUT A FEW OF THESE..SO CALLED SUPER HEROS... DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS?

MIKE JUMPS UP..

MIKE: I KNOW WHO WE CAN KILL...

EVERYONE LOOKS OVER AT MIKE...

SILLOUTE 5: OH GOD NOT HIM

SILLOUTE 1: IS THAT THE GUY WHO CLEANS THE SHITTERS?

MIKE: MY NAME IS MIKE IN MAITENANCE...

SILLOUTE 2: WHAT...WHAT YOU GOT FOR US?

MIKE: HAS A FOLDER... HE THROWS IT ON THERE TABEL...

A SILLOUTE GRABS THE FOLDER AND OPENS IT..ITS PICTURES OF CAPTAIN COOL...WITH NOTES WITH IT...

SILLOUTE 2: IT SAYS HERE..HE WORKS AT MAGIC MART...

SILLOUTE 1: YOUR..WAISTING OUR TIME...

MIKE: HE AND HIS PAL KILLED MY SON!

SILLOUTE 8: GET THIS SHIT OUT OF HERE

SILLOUTE 1 THROWS THE FOLDER IN MIKES FACE...

(TIME ELASP) MIKE IN MAITENANCE IS MOPING A HALLWAY...

A SHORT FAT MAN WITH A GREY SUITE WALKS OVER TO MIKE..HE HAS SORT GREY HAIR WITH GLASSES HES THEODORE WALTS AGE 62..

THEODORE: HEY..SO I HEARD YOUR PLEE IN THE MEETING...YOUR SON WAS KILLED BY THESE GUYS HUH?

MIKE: YEAH..HES A REAL PIECE OF SHIT...

THEODORE: YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

MIKE: YES..YOUR THEODORE WALTS..YOU RUN THE BIGGEST CHICKEN FRANDCHISE IN THE WORLD...

THEODORE: THATS RIGHT..I MAY NOT BE AS POWERFUL AS THE 13 LORDS OF EVIL..BUT IM FILTHY RICH...

MIKE: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING..

THEODORE: YOU SEEM TO BLEND IN...LIKE A CHAMELEON..AND YOU SEEM TO GATHER UP REALLY GOOD INTEL ON YOUR VICTIMS...

MIKE: I DO..I WAS IN A WAR YOU KNOW..THAT WAS MY SKILL SET..I WATCHED..AND I TOOK NOTES ON OUR ENIMES...

THEODORE: YEAH..I KNOW..I DO BACK GROUND SEARCHES ON EVERYONE HERE..YOU WANT TO WORK FOR ME..ILL PAY YOU ALOT OF MONEY..MORE THEN YOU MAKE HERE..ALSO..BEFORE YOU EVEN START ILL LET YOU CHOOSE YOUR OWN SQUAD...A CREW OF 5...THIS WILL BE THE CREW WHO TAKES OUT THE TARGET... I NEED YOUR SKILL SET TO BUILD ME A SMALL ARMY...

MIKE: I DONT KNOW...

THEODORE: AND YOUR FIRST TARGET...THAT CAPTAIN COOL FELLA YOUR TRYING TO TAKE DOWN...

MIKE LOOKS UP AT THEODORE...

MIKE: IM IN...

(TIME ELASP) THE NEXT DAY..AT MAGIC MART...ALEJANDRO AND CAPTAIN COOL ARE WALKING DOWN A HALLWAY...

CAP: YEAH...THIS PLACE KIND OF SUCKS..

ALEJANDRO: I CAN SEE THAT...

CAP: CAN YOU...YOU KNOW WITH YOUR EYES... BEING SO BEEDY AND ALL...

ALEJANDRO: YES...

MIKE IN MAITENANCE DRIVES BY GIVING CAP A EVIL LOOKING FACE...

ALEJANDRO: OH HOLY SHIT...DOES HE HATE YOU...

CAP: WITH A PASSION...BY THE WAY SINCE FRANKS OFF TONIGHT LET ME SHOW YOU THE ROPES..MY WAY...

(TIME ELASP) CAP AND ALEJANDRO WALK INTO ELECTRONICS..KENNETH IS ON THE ELECTRONIC COUNTER WITH HIS SHIRT OFF..THERES A YOUNG 18 YEAR OLD BLOND BOY WITH A BOWL CUT FEEDING KENNETH GRAPES..HES GRAPE BOY...

KENNETH: HEHEHE FEED ME ANOTHER ONE GRAPE BOY!

KENNETH STARTS CLAPPING AS GRAPE BOY FEEDS HIM A GRAPE...  
ALEJANDRO: WHOS THAT?

CAP: KENNETH..HE THINKS HES GODS GIFT TO EARTH..

KENNETH: OHH..ITS YOU CAPTAIN COOL..OHH I SEE YOUR WITH A MEXICAN..TELL HIM WHEN HES DONE HERE HE NEEDS TO COME TRIM MY YARD

ALEJANDRO: MOTHER FUCKER!

KENNETH: GRAPE BOY..ITS TIME TO PUT ON MY BACK LOTION...

KENNETH FLIPS ON HIS STOMACHE...

CAP: HOW MUCH DOES HE PAY YOU...

GRAPE BOY: ..ONLY 4 DOLLERS A HOUR..MY FAMILEY..WERE SO POOR

KENNETH: WELL..YOUR ABOUT TO BE 4 DOLLERS POORER IF I DONT FEEL LOTION IN THE NEXT 5 SECONDS!

GRAPE BOY QUICKLY OPENS A BOTTLE OF LOTION AND SMEARS IT ALL OVER KENNETHS BACK...

CAP: KENNETH.. I HOPE THERE WILL BE A DAY...WHEN YOU LOOK LIKE EVERYONE ELSE..

KENNETH: HAHAHAAH! LAUGH WITH ME GRAPE BOY!

KENNETH AND GRAPE BOY START LAUGHING... CAP AND ALEJANDRO WALK AWAY...

(TIME ELASP) NEXT DAY.. CAP IS WALKING IN THE FRONT OF MAGIC MART... ALEJANDRO IS WALKING IN...

ALEJANDRO: HEY MAN! WHATS GOING ON?

CAP: HUH..WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

ALEJANDRO: ALL THE 3RD SHIFT MANAGERS ARE HERE...SOMETHING BIG IS HAPPENING..

CAP: REALLY..HUH.. DIDNT NOTICE

(TIME ELASP) IN THE BACK OF MAGIC MART..THERES 4 MANAGERS IN FRONT OF THE EMPLOYEES..ONE IS A STUBBY OLD MAN WITH A BALD HEAD..HE HOLDS A CANE HES GEORGE AGE 64.. ONE IS A TALL MAN WITH SHORT RED HAIR GLASSES AND A BLUE BUTTON UP SHIRT HES MR. HOPPER AGE 26, ONE IS A SKINNY GUY, WHIT SHORT BLACK HAIR AND GLASSES, HES JAY AGE 31, AND THE LAST ONE IS A BLACK WOMEN WITH A GIANT ASS AND IS WEARING BLACK WORK PANTS AND A WHITE BUTTON UP SHIRT AND A RED CAPE, SHES SITTING IN A VERY LARGE THRONE ROLLING CHAIR SHE IS SABRINA AGE 43..

GEORGE: I BET YOUR WONDERING WHY YOUR ALL GATHERED HERE FOR TODAY... TODAY OUR NEW BOSS COMES IN..WHICH MEANS NOTHING TO ALL OF YOU..ITS OUR BOSS...SO IF YOU FUCK UP..WE FUCK UP..AND IF WE FUCK UP...IM GOING TO SMACK THE TASTE OUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS..

GEORGE WALKS OVER TO A 90 YEAR OLD LADY NAME MS TAMMY...

GEORGE: YOU GOING TO FUCK UP MS TAMMY

TAMMY: NO..

GEORGE: YEAH YOU FUCKING BETTER NOT

GEORGE HOBBLES AWAY...

GEORGE: DONT FUCK UP..NOW GO TO WORK...

(TIME ELASP) IN MAITENANCE OFFICE... ALEJANDRO AND CAP ARE BACK THERE...

CAP: SO THAT WAS OUR MANAGERS

ALEJANDRO: THERE INTENSE...

CAP: YES I KNOW..

ALEJANDRO: I DIDNT CATCH ANY OF THERE NAMES...

CAP: THE HOBBLED UP FUCKER WHO DID THE TALKING WAS GEORGE..ALSO THE SAME NAME AS ONE OF MY DOGS..THE BIG SCARY BLACK LADY WAS SABRINA... THE TALL GINGER WAS MR. HOPPER AND THE OTHER WEIRD GUY WAS JAY...

ALEJANDRO: OKAY...WELL..WE BETTER GET TO WORK..FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I BETTER NOT FUCK UP

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS WALKING THREW THE STORE PUSHING A DUSTMOP...JOHNNY WALKS OVER NEXT TO HIM...

JOHNNY: MOVE BITCH...GO CLEAN THOSE SHITTERS...

CAP: WHAT! HEY EAT A DICK BRO..CORN COP STYLE

CAP MOTIONS EATING A CORN COB JOHNNY WALKS OFF...

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS DUSTMOPING THREW ELECTRONICS..SABRINA WALKS BY...

SABRINA: CAPTAIN COOL...HOW ARE YOU DOING...

CAP: OHH..HEY.. UMMM... WELL...I THINK..THE STALKERS LOOK DOWN AT ME... LIKE IM DIRT...

SABRINA: NOOOO...THATS SILLY..THEY ALL RESPECT YOU...

A COWORKER WALKS OVER TO CAPTAIN COOL

COWORKER: HEY UMM CAPTAIN COOL...I STEPPED IN SOME DOG SHIT..DO YOU MIND?

CAP: MIND WHAT?

SABRINA: YES GO AHEAD

CAP: TO DO WHAT?

THE CO WORKER PUTS HIS FOOT ON CAPS PANTS LEG AND SMEARS THE DOG SHIT ALL OVER HIS LEG

CAP: WHAT THE-

SABRINA: CAPTAIN COOL LET HIM FINISH

HE STOPS

COWORKER: THANKS

HE WALKS AWAY...

SABRINA: SEE..HE LIKES YOU

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS FILLING UP A MOP BUCKET IN THE MAITENANCE CLOSET...ALEJANDRO WALKS IN...

ALEJANDRO: DUDE..GUESS WHAT..TODAY IS MIKE IN MAITENANCE LAST DAY BEFORE HE GOES ON VACATION FOR 2 WEEKS...

CAP: AWESOME! DUDE THATS SO COOL! WE SHOULD CELEBRATE..HOW ABOUT WE HANG OUT TOMORROW NIGHT...

ALEJANDRO: COOL YOU GET TO MEET MY GIRL JESSICA...

CAP: AND ILL BRING MINE..VICKIE

(TIME ELASP) 6PM, VICKIE IS DRIVING A SMALL YELLOW VOLKSWAGEN BEETLE.. WITH CAP IN THE PASSENGER SEAT..THEY PULL UP TO A TRAILER... OUTSIDE ALEJANDRO IS STANDING NEXT TO A GRILL...A GIRL EXITS THE TRAILER..SHE HAS LONG BROWN HAIR GLASSES, A PINK BATGIRL SHIRT SHES JESSICA AGE 22...VICKIE AND CAP GET OUT OF THE CAR..THEY WALK UP TO JESSICA AND ALEJANDRO

ALEJANDRO: HEY MAN!

CAP: WHATS UP..THIS IS VICKIE

VICKIE: HI

ALEJANDRO: THIS IS JESSICA

JESSICA: HOLY SHIT HE REALLY IS DRESSED LIKE A SUPER HERO...WHY?

CAP: WELL-

ALEJANDRO: HEY YOU WANT TO HELP ME WITH THE GRILL

CAP: ..SURE

(TIME ELASP) 9PM..ALEJANDRO AND CAP ARE NEXT TO THE GRILL GRILLING UP HAMBURGERS, AND VICKIE AND JESSICA ARE SITTING IN LAWN CHAIRS DRINKING A BEER... (AT THE GRILL)

ALEJANDRO: DUDE..YOUR GIRLS PRETTY CUTE..BUT SHES WITH YOU SO WHATS THE CATCH..

CAP: SHES CRAZY

ALEJANDRO: YEAH..OKAY THAT MAKES SENCE..

CAP: LIKE THE OTHER DAY

(FLASH BACK) CAP IS ASLEEP IN BED..

CAP WAKES UP.. HE LIFTS UP THE COVERS.. VICKIE IS THERE WITH A KNIFE...

CAP: UMMM

VICKIE: LOOK HOW EASY IT WOULD BE FOR ME TO CUT YOUR DICK OFF..JUST REMEMBER THAT..

CAP DROPS THE COVERS DOWN..

(PRESENT) ALEJANDRO: DUDE NO!

CAP: (BLUSHING) I DONT MIND..THATS JUST HER SAYING SHE CARES ABOUT ME..I LIKE CRAZY CHICKS

ALEJANDRO: ANYTHING ELSE

CAP POINTS DOWN AT HIS ANKLE..THERES A TRACKING DEVICE STRAPPED AROUND IT..

CAP: SHE KNOWS WHERE I AM..AT ALL TIMES..AND ONLY SHE HAS THE KEY

(AT THE LAWN CHAIRS) JESSICA: WOW! SO THATS HOW YOU GUYS MEET...THATS..BRUTAL..

VICKIE: YEAH...HES SO SWEET..

JESSICA: SO..WHATS HE LIKE IN BED?

VICKIE: UHH..IF I HAD TO DESCRIBE IT IN ONE WORD...HES..KINKY..YEAH..DEFINETLY KINKY

JESSICA: EXPLAAAIN!

VICKIE: WELL.. HE LIKES TO ROLL PLAY

(FLASH BACK) THE SONG KISS FROM A ROSE BY SEAL COMES ON...CAP IS LYING IN BED NAKED SURRONDED BY ROSES...VICKIE WALKS IN DRESSED UP LIKE BATMAN...

CAP: OHH BATMAN YOU COUGHT ME.. IVE BEEN COMMITING ALL SORTS OF CRIMES...

VICKIE: UHH OKAY-

CAP: (ANGRY) DO THE VOICE!

VICKIE: (BATMAN VOICE) UHH PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER...

CAP: BRING IT ON BATMAN

VICKIE JUMPS ON TOP OF CAP AND THEY START MAKING OUT

CAP: I HAFT TO SAY..I LIKE YOUR BAT NIPPLES BETTER..

VICKIE: (BATMAN VOICE) THANKS

CAP: BARELY THO..SO YOU BETTER TAKE CARE OF THEM...

THEY GO BACK TO MAKING OUT..SONG ENDS

(PRESENT) JESSICA IS STARRING AT VICKIE

JESSICA: THATS WEIRD AS FUCK

VICKIE: WELL..IT GETS WEIRDER

(FLASH BACK) THE SONG EAT IT BY WEIRD AL STARTS PLAYING.. CAP IS LYING IN BED NAKED..VICKIE WALKS IN DRESSED AS WEIRD AL FROM THE 80S..SHES HOLDING A ACCORDION

CAP: OHH..HEY WEIRD AL..IM YOUR BIGGEST FAN

VICKIE: HOW MUCH DID THIS ACCORDIAN COST?

CAP: DONT WORRY ABOUT IT..HOW ABOUT YOU TAKE THAT HAWIIAN SHIRT OFF...

VICKIE: UMM OKAY

(TIME ELASP) VICKIE IS NAKED BUT STILL WEARING THE WEIRD AL WIG GLASSES AND MUSTACHE.. CAP IS EATING HER OUT,

VICKIE: (SAME TIME AS SONG) JUST EAT IT! EAT IT EAT IT EAT IT!

(PRESENT) JESSICA STARES BLANKLY AT VICKIE

JESSICA: UMMM...OKAY..ARE..YOU OKAY WITH THAT?

VICKIE: YEAH..I HAVE HIM DO SOME KINKY STUFF TOO..

JESSICA: (GULP) ... (SCARED) EXPLAIN?

(FLASH BACK) CAP AND VICKIE ARE NAKED IN BED, CAP IS FUCKING HER FROM THE FRONT WHILE MR LAMP IS BEHIND HER STANDING THERE COVERED IN DUCK TAPE..

VICKIE: OHH YEAH I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH!

CAP LOOKS AT THE LAMP AND FLIPS IT OFF

CAP: FUCKIN HATE LAMPS

(PRESENT) JESSICA IS CHUGGING DOWN A BOTTLE OF BEER..SHE FINISHES IT TOSSES IT BEHIND HER..SHE REACHES IN A COOLER AND GRABS ANOTHER BEER AND OPENS IT..

VICKIE: YOU OKAY..

JESSICA: YUP...IM FINE..AFTER 3 OR 4 MORE OF THESE...

CAP AND ALEJANDRO WALK OVER WITH A PLATE OF BURGERS..THEY SIT IT DOWN ON A TABEL...

ALEJANDRO: ORDER UP

CAP AND ALEJANDRO SIT DOWN IN A LAWN CHAIR... ALEJANDRO OPENS UP A COOLER AND PULLS OUT 2 BEERS...HE HANDS ONE TO CAPTAIN COOL..

COOL: SO.. HERES TO A VACATION FROM MIKE IN MAITENANCE...

ALEJANDERO: SO WHY DO YOU TWO HATE EACH OTHER SO MUCH? ME AND HIM NEVER HAD ANY PROBLEMS...

COOL: I DONT REALLY KNOW...HES HAD IT OUT FOR ME SINCE DAY ONE...

VICKIE: MAYBE TRY LOOKING AT IT FROM HIS POINT OF VIEW...MAYBE ITS SOMETHING FROM HIS CHILD HOOD...

CAP LOOKS UP AT THE SKY

(DAYDREAM) A SMALL BRICK HOUSE SITS ON A BEAUTIFUL YARD, A SUNRISE IS OCCURING...(INSIDE THE HOUSE) MIKE IN MAITENANCE IS 6 YEARS OLD AND IS IN BED..HE WAKES UP STRECHEES AND SMILES... HE JUMPS OUT OF BED

MIKE: WOW! GEE WIZ IM SUCH BITCH ASS FAGOT

(REALITY) JESSICA: YEAH IM SURE THATS WHAT HE WAS SAYING AT 6 YEARS OLD...

CAP: WELL..IM SURE HIS SOCKLESS ASS WAS UP TO NO GOOD

JESSICA: OH I DOUBT HES THAT EVIL...IM SURE HES JUST RELAXING JUST LIKE WE ARE..PROBABLY NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT YOU

(ON A AIRPLANE) 10PM, MIKE AND THOMAS WALTS ARE ON A PRIVATE JET FLYING IN THE AIR..

THOMAS: SO..WHOS THIS GUY IN ALASKA YOUR WANTING TO GET?

MIKE: HES A OLD WAR BUDDY OF MINE...ME AND HIM..WE HAVE BEEN THREW ALOT...

(FLASH BACK) 1973 IN VIETNAM 2AM... MIKE IS MUCH YOUNGER, HE HAS ON A CAMO JACKET A HELMET, CAMO SHORTS TENIS SHOES AND LONG WHITE SOCKS..THERE ARE 4 OTHER MEN INSIDE A LARGE TENT.. ONE IS A BUFF MAN WITH BLONDE HAIR AND A BUZZ CUT, HES JERRY, ONE IS A SKINNY GUY WITH LONG HAIR HES ACE, ONE IS A MUSCULAR BALD BLACK GUY HES CRAZY 8, AND THE LAST GUY IS A MUSCULAR MAN WITH SCARS ALL OVER HIS FACE HE IS SAMPSON..

SAMPSON: ALRIGHT GIRLS..WE NEED TO GET OUR BEAUTY SLEEP..WE GOT ALONG DAY AHEAD OF US TOMORROW..DOES EVERYONE REMEMBER OUR MISSION?

JERRY: YEAH.. WE GO INTO THE ENEMY BASE TOMORROW NIGHT...SLAUGHTER THEM ALL IN THERE SLEEP...

SAMPSON: CAN YOU GIRLS HANDLE THAT... KILLING WOMEN..CHILDERN..FATHERS...

ACE: YES SIR..

SAMPSON: WHAT WAS THAT!

ALL THE MEN: YES SIR!

SAMPSON: NOW GET TO SLEEP..

(TIME ELASP) 4AM, MIKE IS STARRING AT THE CELLING...JERRY LOOKS OVER AT MIKE

JERRY: CANT GET ANY SLEEP EITHER HUH

MIKE: YEAH...

JERRY: SO WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE THE WAR?

MIKE: I..UHH..NOTHING..THIS IS IT..

JERRY: OHH... WELL I WAS A CAR SALES MAN...MAN I WAS DAMN GOOD TO... MAYBE AFTER ALL THIS YOU COULD BUY A CAR FROM MY LOT..ITS CALLED COOLSVILLE CAR LOT..STILL A WORKING TITLE..

MIKE: HAHA I DOUBT IT...I LIVE IN MISHIGAN..

JERRY: COME ON..I GOT THIS NICE WHITE VAN YOU WOULD LOVE!

MIKE: GET SOME SLEEP MAN..

MIKE ROLLS OVER...

(TIME ELASP) NEXT MORNING..THERE WALKING THREW THE JUNGLE, THE SONG FOR WHAT ITS WORTH BY BUFFALO SPRINGFIELD STARTS PLAYING SOME BIRDS FLY OUT OF SOME TREES...ACE LOOKS UP AND LOOKS AT THEM, THEY FLY PAST THE SUN.. (TIME ELASP) THE CREW WALKS NEXT TO A STREAM...SAMPSON STOPS AND STARTS TAKING A PISS IN THE STREAM.. (TIME ELASP) 2 VIETNAMESE VILLAGERS WALK DOWN A DIRT ROAD..  
THEY BOTH GET SHOT IN THE HEAD..THE CREW WALKS OUT ON THE PATH..SAMPSON HAS OUT A HAND GUN...HE PUTS IT IN A HOLSTER AT HIS HIP..HE PUTS A CIGAR IN HIS MOUTH, ACE WALKS OVER WITH A LIGHTER AND LIGHTS IT... SAMPSON SMILES..  
(TIME ELASP) THE CREW WALKS ON TOP OF A HUGE CLIFF..DOWN THE HILL IS A SMALL VILLAGE..(TIME ELASP) 11PM, THE 5 OF THEM ARE SITTING AROUND A CAMP FIRE..(SONG STOPS)

8 BALL: YOU SURE WE GOT TO KILL THE CHILDERN MAN..I MEAN..I BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT ALL DAY..AND..

SAMPSON: YES..YOU DO..

8 BALL: IM NOT SURE IF-

SAMPSON PULLS OUT HIS HAND GUN..HE GETS UP AND WALKS TO 8 BALL...SAMPSON PUTS THE GUN IN 8 BALLS HAND..

SAMPSON: SOLIDURE...YOU GOT 2 CHOICES..YOU EITHER PUT A BULLET IN MY SKULL...OR YOU KILL EVERY MAN WOMAN AND CHILD IN THAT VILLAGE..WITH A GOD DAMN SMILE ON YOUR FACE

8 BALL LOOKS UP AT SAMPSON..HE HOLDS THE GUN TIGHT...HE HANDS THE GUN BACK TO SAMPSON..SAMPSON TAKES IT BACK AND WALKS BACK TO WHERE HE WAS SITTING...HE STARES AT 8 BALL..

SAMPSON: I DONT MEAN TO BE AN ASSHOLE...BUT IF WE LET ONE OF THOSE FUCKERS LIVE...IT COULD COST US THIS ENTIRE OPPERATION...

ACE: I JUST WANT TO GO HOME TO MY FAMILEY...

8 BALL: ME TOO

SAMPSON: WELL..IF THATS WHAT YOU WANT...THEN YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO..

(NEXT DAY) 6AM, 4 ARMED VIETNAMESE SOLIDURES ARE WALKING AROUND OUTSIDE...THEY LOOK AROUND..ONE BY ONE THEY GET SNIPED FROM A TREE..

VIETNAMES LADY: (SUBTITLES) ATTACK!

SHE GETS SHOT 3 TIMES IN THE CHEST AND FALLS DOWN..SAMPSON WALKS AROUND THE CORNER WITH A AK47 6 VILLAGERS RUN AT SAMPSON..MIKE AND JERRY WALK OUT FROM THE WOODS WITH MACHINE GUNS AND MOW THEM DOWN...  
A WOMAN VILLAGER RUNS AT SAMPSON SHOOTING AT HIM BUT SHE KEEPS MISSING..SAMPSON KICKS THE GUN OUT OF HER HAND THEN KNEES HER IN THE STOMACHE, SHE FALLS TO HER KNEES..SAMPSON PULLS OUT A KNIFE AND SLITS HER THROAT..SHE FALLS TO THE GROUND...  
(TIME ELASP) 5PM, THE SUN IS SETTING..THERES A LARGE PILE OF BODIES, NEXT TO A CONTAINER OF GASOLINE..SAMPSON THROWS A LIT MATCH ON THEM..THEY CATCH ON FIRE..  
SAMPSON, MIKE, JERRY, AND ACE STAND AROUND WATCHING THE FIRE..SAMPSON PUTS A CIGAR IN HIS MOUTH..HE PULLS HIS LIGHTER OUT AND LIGHTS IT... (INSIDE A HUT) 8 BALL IS LOOKING AROUND.. HE STOPS..HE HEADS OUT OF THE HUT..HE HEARS A NOISE AND STOPS..HE LOOKS OVER..THERES A 12 YEAR OLD BOY HIDING UNDER THE BED..THE KID STARES AT HIM..

8 BALL: UMM... I.. I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING

8 BALL EXITS THE HUT AND WALKS OVER TO THE FIRE..

SAMPSON: BOYS..WE DID A FINE GOOD JOB TODAY HAHAHA!

(TIME ELASP) 9PM NEXT DAY..THE MEN ARE BACK IN THE ARMY TENT...SAMPSON IS ON A WALKIE TALKIE

SAMPSON: THANK YOU SIR...WE'LL BE HERE

SAMPSON PUTS THE WALKIE TALKIE ON HIS BELT LOOP..HE TURNS TO FACE THE BOYS...

SAMPSON: GOOD NEWS BOYS...WERE GOING HOME..

ACE: WHAT

SAMPSON: YEAH...THEY SAID THERE SENDING US HOME..GIVING US ALL MEDALS..WERE GOING TO BE HEROS FOR WHAT WE JUST DID..

ACE: SO WHEN ARE WE LEAVING..

SAMPSON: IN THE MORNING...

(TIME ELASP) 2AM, THERE ALL LAUGHING DRINKING BEERS...

8 BALL: HEY MIKE MAN..I GOT TO ASK..WHATS WITH THOSE FUCKING SOCKS HAHA

ACE LAUGHS WHILE POLISHING HIS RIFFLE

ACE: YEAH YOU LOOK KIND OF STUPID..

MIKE: OH I DONT LIKE MY FEET TO GET COLD

8 BALL: YET YOUR THE ONLY GUY IN THE JUNGLE WITH SHORTS ON

EVERYONE LAUGHS

MIKE: I DONT LIKE MY LEGS TO GET HOT

8 BALL: HAHAHA..MAN..WELL..I GOT TO TAKE A PISS...

8 BALL EXITS THE TENT...HE GOES TO A BUSH...HE UNZIPS HIS PANTS AND STARTS TAKING A PISS... 8 BALL CLOSES HIS EYES AND LEANS HIS HEAD UP TOWARDS THE SKY... HE SMILES.. A ARROW GOES THREW HIS TROAT..8 BALL STUMBLES BACK..HE HOLDS THE ARROW AS BLOOD SPEWS OUT.. 8 BALL LOOKS AROUND...HE SEES THE BOY THAT WAS UNDER THE BED HOLDING A BOW... 8 BALL FALLS TO HIS KNEES...BLOOD POORS ALL OVER THE GROUND...ACE WALKS OUT THE TENT..

ACE: MAN I GOT TO PISS TOO..

ACE SEES 8 BALL..

ACE: HOLY SHIT

ACE RUNS INSIDE THE TENT...

ACE: HEY...SOMEONE GOT 8 BALL!

EVERYONE RUNS OUTSIDE..8 BALL IS DEAD...

SAMPSON: WHO THE FUCK IS OUT THERE..GET YOUR GUNS..WERE KILLING THEM

THEY RUN INSIDE THE TENT AND START GRABBING THERE GUNS AND AMO..A FLAMING ARROW FLIES IN THE TENT AND LANDS NEXT TO JERRYS FOOT

JERRY: OHH SHIT!

THE TENT CATCHES ON FIRE..THEY ALL RUN OUTSIDE...THEY RUN INTO THE JUNGLE IN THE DIRECTION THE BOY WAS..

SAMPSON: WHO EVER IT IS, THERE TRACKS LEADS THIS WAY...

(TIME ELASP) THE 4 OF THEM ARE WALKING THREW THE JUNGLE

ACE: I HATE TO SAY THIS..BUT IS IT REALLY WORTH IT.. I MEAN IF WE GO TO FAR..TIME WE GET BACK THEY COULD HAVE CAME FOR US...

SAMPSON: ...ONE MORE HOUR..8 BALL..DESERVES ONE MORE HOUR..

ACE: IM SORRY..BUT IM GOING BACK TO THE TENT...

ACE TURNS AROUND AND GOES IN ANOTHER DIRECTION..HE GETS BLOWN UP BY A LAND MINE...BLOOD AND DIRT RAIN DOWN ON THEM...

MIKE: NO...

JERRY STARTS WALKING BACKWARDS..

JERRY: OHH FUCK MAN..OH FUCK

MIKE SEES A TRIP WIRE A FEW FEET BEHIND JERRY

MIKE: JERRY WATCH OUT

JERRY KEEPS WALKING BACKWARDS..MIKE RUNS TOWARDS JERRY AND TRIPS..MIKE LOOKS DOWN.. A ROOT IN A GROUND COUGHT MIKES SOCK,  
MIKE TRIES TO RIP THE ROOT OUT.. JERRY TRIPS THE TRIP WIRE..MIKE LOOKS BACK.. A SPIKE LOG FLIES DOWN FROM A TREE AND IMPALES JERRY THREW HIS CHEST..  
BLOOD SPEWS OUT OF HIS TORSO AND MOUTH...

MIKE: NO..NO NO!

MIKE RIPS HIS SOCK GETTING FREE AND RUNS OVER TO JERRY...HE LOOKS AT JERRYS WOUND...

MIKE: ..YOUR GOING TO BE OKAY..I..I SWEAR..I

JERRY: HEY... THAT VAN..IT HAS SHAG CARPENTING MAN..YOU..YOU WILL...LOVE IT...

JERRY DIES..THERES A NOISE IN A TREE SAMPSON PULLS OUT HIS HANDGUN AND SHOOTS UP IN THE TREE...THE 12 YEAR OLD BOY FLIES OUT...HES BEEN SHOT IN THE SHOULDER...  
SAMPSON WALKS OVER TO HIM...HE STOMPS ON HIS JAW BREAKING IT...MIKE PULLS OUT A KNIFE..

MIKE: I WANT THIS ONE...

MIKE WALKS OVER AND JAMS THE KNIFE IN THE BOYS TORSO..BLOOD POORS OUT OF HIS CHEST..THE SONG CALIFORNIA DREAMIN BY THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS STARTS PLAYING..THE BOY GRABS MIKE BY THE BACK OF HIS HAIR.. AND LOOKS MIKE IN HIS EYES..HE STARTS GASPING FOR AIR MIKE AND THE BOY START CRYING...(TIME ELASP) A MILITARY HELICOPTER LANDS DOWN... THERES 3 DEAD BODIES NEXT TO EACH OTHER...  
(TIME ELASP) MIKE AND SAMPSON ARE ON A HELICOPTER FLYING WITH 5 OTHER SOLIDURES ON IT... (TIME ELASP) MIKE GOES TO A CAR DEALERSHIP..ITS CALLED COOLSVILLE CAR LOT.. (TIME ELASP) HE DRIVES OFF WITH A BRAND NEW WHITE VAN...(SONG ENDS) (THE PRESENT) MIKE IS LOOKING OUT OF THE WINDOW OF THE JET..

THEODORE: FROM YOUR FACE.. THAT LOOKED LIKE ONE DEPRESSING FUCKING FLASHBACK...

MIKE: IT WAS..

(TIME ELASP) IN ALASKA 7AM.. MIKE AND THEODORE WALK INTO A TAVERN..A BIG MUSCULAR MAN TURNS AROUND...ITS SAMPSON

SAMPSON: OH SHIT..YOUR STILL ALIVE...

(TIME ELASP) SAMPSON: SO..YOU WANT ME TO JOIN YOUR LITTLE GROUP WHY?

THEODORE: MONEY...

SAMPSON: HAHA YOU PUT UP A DAMN GOOD ARGUMENT...HONESTLY..IVE GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO RIGHT NOW...

(NEXT DAY) AT MAGIC MART 11PM.. CAP IS WALKING OUTSIDE IN THE PARKING LOT... CAP PUTS SOME BUGGIES TOGETHER...HE LOOKS OVER AND SEES A HOMELESS MAN WALKING TOWARDS HIM...

CAP: WHATEVER THIS IS..NO GOOD WILL COME FROM IT...

THE HOMELESS MAN WALKS TO CAP..

HOMELESS MAN: HEY..CAN YOU CALL A AMBULANCE...IM DIEING

CAP: IN THE PARKING LOT?

HOBO: I GOT STINTS PUT IN MY BACK TODAY..AND THERE COMING OUT...PLEASE..IM GOING TO DIE..

CAP: OHH YEAH OKAY..ILL CALL ONE..

CAP PULLS OUT HIS PHONE.. HE DIALS 911...

OPERATOR: 911 WHAT IS YOUR EMERGENCY

CAP: YEAH..IM AT THE MAGIC MART PARKING LOT..AND THERE IS A MAN..HE SAYS HE HAD STINTS PUT IN HIS BACK TODAY..AND THERE COMING OUT..  
AND HE SAYS HES DIEING...

OPERATOR: IS HE COHERENT?

CAP: YA HE IS

OPERATOR: CAN YOU PUT HIM ON THE PHONE PLEASE?

CAP: UMM...I DONT KNOW

OPERATOR: WHAT DO YOU MEAN

CAP: UMMM YA.. UMM HES KIND OF HOMELESS..AND THIS IS MY PHONE..AND I.. WELL..YOU KNOW.. GERMS

OPERATOR: THIS IS A MANS LIFE..

CAP: ..FUCK

CAP HANDS THE MAN THE PHONE...

HOBO: MY STINTS ARE COMING OUT..MY BACK..TODAY...

(TIME ELASP) A AMBULANCE PULLS UP TO THEM..CAP IS WIPING HIS PHONE WITH BABY WIPES...THE AMBULANCE DRIVERS GET OUT AND PUT HIM IN THE TRUCK AND DRIVE OFF..

CAP: YOUR WELCOME...

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS INSIDE MAGIC MART, BACK AREA..HE GOES INSIDE THE MANAGERS OFFICE..SABRINA IS THERE...

CAP: HEY..SO THERE WAS A HOMELESS GUY DIEING OUTSIDE..AND I CALLED AN AMBULANCE AND THEY PICKED HIM UP...

SABRINA: YOU DID WHAT!

CAP: (WHIMPER) I CALLED AN AMBULANCE..FOR A DIEING MAN

SABRINA: WE COULD HAVE BEEN SUED!

SABRINAS FIST TURNS RED

CAP: MY BAD..YOU KNOW..IF I WAS MURDERED OUT THERE.. YOU WOULDNT NOTICE...BECAUSE..NO ONE SEEMED TO NOTICE THE AMBULANCE OUT THERE..AND IM OUTSIDE WITH A BUNCH OF WEIRDOS...IM SORRY..

SABRINA: NEXT TIME..COME GET ME..AND ILL HANDLE IT!

CAP: OKAY

(NEXT DAY) 2PM, VJ IS DRIVING THE SIN EATER WHILE STICKING HIS HEAD OUT THE WINDOW.. VJ CLOSES HIS EYES...HE SMILES...(DAYDREAM) VJ WALKS INTO THE BATHROOM..

VJ: IM GOING TO TAKE THE BIGGEST, STINKEST SMELLIEST, DOUCH BAGIEST, NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE OF A SHIT..

VJ PULLS DOWN HIS PANTS AND UNDERWEAR AND SITS DOWN ON THE TOILET...VJ STARTS GROANING...

VJ: GRRAA...DAMN IT! ERRRRR...

VJ LOOKS INBETWEEN HIS LEGS INSIDE THE TOILET BOWL..CAPTAIN COOLS HEAD IS POKING OUT OF VJS ASS...

CAP: (GASP) FUCK YOU VJ! IM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS...

VJ: WELL GOOD THING YOUR ALREADY DOWN THERE!

CAP: HURRY UP AND SHIT ME OUT

(TIME ELASP) 3 HOURS LATER, CAP HASNT BUDGED A BIT

CAP: OH MY GOD HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO SHIT OUT SOMETHING

VJ: IM SHITTING OUT A HUMAN BEING...

CAP: YOUR ASS IS LIKE THE SIZE OF A FUCKING CAR

VJ: OHH I KNOW HOW TO SHUT YOU UP...

VJ SHITS OUT CAPS SHOULDERS..CAPS HEAD GOES UNDER THE TOILET WATER...

CAP: BMMMM

CAPS HEAD RISES FROM THE WATER..

CAP: (GASP) ARE YOU SHITTING ME!

VJ: YES! YES I AM! I AM SHITTING YOU HAHAHA

(REALITY) SOMEONE STARTS HONKING THERE HORN AT VJ..HE OPENS HIS EYES AND HES DRIVING IN THE WRONG LANE.. HE QUICKLY GETS BACK IN HIS LANE...VJ SMILES.. (DAYDREAM) VJ IS STILL SHITTING OUT CAP..VJ BOUNCES UP AND DOWN

VJ: OHH YEAAH.. QUIT YA BITCHEN CAPTAIN COOL!

(REALITY) IN EGYPT IN A UNDERGROUND STADIUM..A LARGE CROWD GATHER AROUND A CAGED CIRCLE..INSIDE IS 2 MEN..ONE HAS SHORT BLUE HAIR VERY MUSCULAR, HE HAS ON RED FIGHTING SHORTS HES UVU AND THE OTHER HAS LONG BLACK HAIR A GOTEA AND MUSTACHE AND BLACK TIGHTS, HES NU..

ANNOUNCER: IN THE BLACK TIGHTS ITS NU..AND IN THE RED TRUNKS..ITS UVU

THE SONG DEMONS IN THE DIRT HELLYEAH STARTS PLAYING...MIKE THEODORE AND SAMPSON ARE IN THE CROWD NU AND UVU START RUNNING AT EACH OTHER... NU JUMPS UP IN THE AIR..UVU GRABS NU AND SLAMS HIM ON THE GROUND..NU GETS UVU IN A ARMBAR... UVU BODY TENSES UP... UVU PICKS NU UP AND SLAMS HIM BACK DOWN ON THE CONCRETE CRACKING IT...NU LETS GO.. NU LEG SWEEPS UVU, UVU FALLS TO THE GROUND... NU JUMPS UP ON TOP OF HIM.. NU STARTS HITTING UVU IN THE HEAD..HE HITS UVU IN THE HEAD 4 TIMES... UVU HEADBUTTS NU IN THE NOSE, BLOOD GUSHES OUT OF HIS NOSE...UVU ELBOWS NU IN THE THROAT, NU FLIES OFF OF UVU.. UVU GETS UP AND SO DOES NU... NU TACKLES UVU INTO THE GATE..HE DOES IT 4 MORE TIMES...AS NU GOES IN FOR THE NEXT TACKLE UVU SLAMS HIS KNEE INTO NUS HEAD... NU FALLS TO HIS KNEES..HE LOOKS UP AT UVU, UVU GRABS HIS HEAD AND REAPEDLY SLAMS HIS KNEE INTO NUS FACE 8 TIMES..NUS FACE IS BRUISED UP AND BLOODY..UVU PICKS HIM UP OFF THE GROUND AND THROWS HIM INTO THE CAGE..UVU PUNCHES NU 6 TIMES IN THE FACE...NU FALLS TO THE GROUND UNCONTIOUS... UVU LIFTS HIS HANDS UP IN THE AIR... THE CROWD CHEERS...  
(SONG ENDS) (TIME ELASP) THE GROUP IS IN THE PRIVATE JET WITH UVU...

UVU: YOU DOING THIS..TO KILL ONE MAN

MIKE: ONE MAN AND HIS BUDDIES..YEAH..

UVU: THEN WHAT

THEODORE: ONCE THERE DEAD..YOU GUYS WILL REMAIN A TEAM...I WILL GIVE YOU CONTRACTS..AND YOU WILL HUNT THEM DOWN...

UVU: HOW MANY MORE MEMBERS DO YOU NEED TO GET?

MIKE: 3 MORE TO GO...

(TIME ELASP) 3AM, NEXT DAY CAP AND ALEJANDRO ARE OUTSIDE PUSHING BUGGIES...THE SIN EATER PULLS UP IN THE PARKING LOT..VJ GETS OUT... VJ WAVES AT CAP..VJ WALKS OVER TO THEM NEXT TO THE BUGGY DOOR...

VJ: WELL HEY CAPTAIN COOL!

CAP: YOU BEEN HAVING WEIRD DAY DREAMS OF ME AGAIN WERNT YOU! BECAUSE I WAS PISSED AT YOU THE OTHER DAY OUT OF THE BLUE..

VJ: UHHH NOOOOOO...WELL..THERE WAS THE ONE WHERE YOU KEPT GETTING YOUR BALLS COUGHT IN A MOUSE TRAP..AND I WAS LIKE HOW STUPID ARE YOU TO KEEP GETTING YOUR BALLS COUGHT IN A MOUSE TRAP!

ALEJANDRO: HEY MAN!

VJ: HUH?

CAP: THIS IS MY FRIEND ALEJANDRO.

VJ: THE FUCK IS A ALEJANDRO

A GUY WALKS OVER TO THEM, HE HAS SHORT HAIR AND A STRONG CHIN AND REALLY BIG EARS, HES CHAD AGE 18.

CHAD: CAPTAIN COOL! VJ!

THEY TURN AROUND...

CAP: HOLY SHIT ITS CHAD!

VJ: CHAD!

CHAD: HEY SORRY GUYS I CANT TALK..MY GIRL FRIEND IS DEADLY SICK..AND I HAFT TO GET HER SOME MEDICINE OR SHE ISNT GOING TO MAKE IT...

VJ: HEY I HEARD YOU GOT A NEW STEREO SYSTEM FOR YOUR CAR.

(TIME ELASP) THERE ALL IN CHADS CAR..CHAD TURNS UP THE BASE..THE SONG PONY BY GINUWINE STARTS BLARING...THEY START HEAD BOPING.

ALEJANDRO: THIS IS NICE... (SONG STOPS)

(TIME ELASP) NEXT DAY 3PM... AT A FUNERAL.. CHAD IS IN A SUITE.. NEXT TO A CASKET...

CHAD: IM SORRY... I LET YOU DOWN..

2 OLD LADIES AND A OLD MAN WALK OVER TO CHAD..

OLD LADY: YOU WERE MY GRANDAUGHTERS BOYFRIEND CORRECT?

CHAD: YEAH..

OLD LADY: I THOUGHT YOU WERE GETTING HER MEDICINE..WHAT HAPPENED...

CHAD: I WAS GOING TO GET IT..AND I RAN INTO MY FRIENDS... AND THEY ASKED ME ABOUT MY STEREO SYSTEM..AND I SHOWED THEM..

OLD LADY: YOU LET MY BABY DIE..OVER A STEREO SYSTEM! WHY! WHY!?

(TIME ELASP) CHAD AND THE OLD PEOPLE ARE IN CHADS CAR, CHAD TURNS UP THE BASE..THE SONG PONY BY GINUWINE STARTS BLARING,  
THEY START HEAD BOPING.. (SONG STOPS)

(IN A EVIL FORTRESS IN THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN) MIKE UVU THEODORE AND SOLEMON ARE INSIDE A NICE FANCY EVIL LAYER..INSIDE IS LORD VICTROIOUS

LV: I DIDNT KNOW YOU HAD SUCH POWERFUL FRIENDS...

MIKE: YEAH.. SO WHERES YOUR FIGHTER..

LV: I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT HIM..BUT..HERE HE IS..

A DOOR OPENS ..A 6FT TALL SAMOAN MAN WALKS OUT...HE HAS A MOHAWK AND IS CHUBBY BUT MUSCULAR HES VIGA..

LV: STRAIGH FROM THE ISLANDS OF SAMOA ITS VIGA...

MIKE: HES PERFECT...

LV: HOW ABOUT 50,000.. MY CASH FLOW ISNT SO HEAVY RIGHT NOW

MIKE: HOW ABOUT TRIPLE THAT..AND YOU JOIN TOO..

LV: IM NO MINION

MIKE: YOU WONT BE MY MINION..WERE A TEAM..JUST THINK OF IT AS A SUPER VILLAIN TEAM UP..

LV: THE MONEY WILL HELP ME ON MY RISE TO BECOME ONE OF THE 13 LORDS OF EVIL...

MIKE: SO WE GOT OURSELVES A DEAL..

LV: SURE THING..

THEY SHAKE HANDS...

(AT MAGIC MART) 3AM, CAP IS SITTING ON TOP OF SOME BUGGIES... CAP LOOKS UP AT THE SKY...CAP CLOSES HIS EYES...HE REOPENS THEM...

VOICE: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE CAPTAIN DOFUS..

CAP LOOKS OVER.. JOHNNY IS THERE SMOKING A CIGRET...

CAP: WHAT DO YOU WANT!?

JOHNNY: NOTHING MUCH DIP SHIT... JUST ON MY LUNCH BREAK..WALKING AROUND AND I STUMBLED APON YOUR DUMBASS...

CAP: MAN YOU REALLY THINK YOUR HOT SHIT...

JOHNNY: IM FUCKING MAGMA

CAP: YOUR NOT ALL THAT...

JOHNNY: REALLY..ME AND MY CREW ARE SETTING UP A PAINT BALL GAME..WHAT DO YOU SAY... MY CREW VERSUS YOURS..4 ON 4..ONE WEEK FROM NOW

CAP: YOUR ON...

JOHNNY: OH..AND..LOSER..LEAVES MAGIC MART FOREVER...

CAP: YOUR ON...

(IN THE VULTURE DESERT) MIKE, THEODORE, LV, VIGA, SAMPSON AND UVU ARE WALKING THREW THE DESERT...

LV: WHY ARE WE HERE?

MIKE: THIS IS OUR LAST RECRUIT..HE WAS THE 1ST PERSON I WANTED TO BE ON OUR CREW..HE COULD PROBABLY KILL US ALL.. AT ONCE

VIGA: OBVIOUSLY YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME FIGHT!

MIKE: WELL..WERE HERE...

THEY STOP IN FRONT OF A GIANT 100 FOOT HOLE IN THE GROUND...

LV: ITS A GIANT HOLE IN THE GROUND!

MIKE: LOOK AT THE BOTTOM...

DOWN AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HOLE IS A MAN SURRONDED BY 5 NINJAS..THE MAN HAS A BROWN COWBOY HAT, BROWN TRENCH COAT, COWBOY BOOTS, SUNGLASSES, HE HAS A BLACK T SHIRT, AND GREEN CAMO JEANS...HE HAS A GOLDEN NECKLESS WITH A WEIRD MEDALION ON IT..HE HAS 2 RED SAMURAI SWORDS STRAPPED TO HIS SIDE AND 3 GUNS STRAPPED TO HIS SIDES...HES MAX..

VIGA: HE DOESNT LOOK SO STRONG!

(DOWN AT THE BOTTOM) THE NINJAS ARE SURRONDING HIM EACH HOLDING A SWORD...THE SONG THE DREAM SHATTERER BY BIG PUNISHER STARTS PLAYING

NINJA: KILLING YOU..WILL BE A BIG HONOR.. THE NINJA BROS HAVE NEVER KILLED SOMEONE OF YOUR LEVEL BEFORE

MAX: TO BAD...YOU NEVER WILL

MAX GRABS HIS SWORD HANDLES...HE PULLS OUT HIS SWORDS... ALL THE NINJAS JUMP UP IN THE AIR AND FLY DOWN TOWARDS MAX..MAX KICKS THE GROUND CREATING A GIANT DIRT CLOUD...THEY FLY DOWN AT MAX...THE DIRT CLOUD GOES AWAY...MAX IS 30 FEET FROM THEM...  
THEY LOOK OVER AT HIM...THEY RUN AT HIM..THEY SWING RAPIDLY AT HIM..MAX BLOCKS EACH ATTACK...MAX THROWS ONE OF HIS SWORDS THREW ONE OF THERE FEET..MAX JUMPS IN THE AIR OVER THEM..HE PULLS OUT ONE OF HIS GUNS AND SHOOTS THE ONE WITH FOOT IN THE SWORD IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD, BLOOD SPLATTERS OVER THE OTHER NINJAS

NINJA: ...BROTHER...

THE NINJAS RUSH OVER AT MAX..MAX SHOOTS AT THEM 5 TIMES THEY DODGE EACH SHOOT...THEY RUN UP ON HIM..MAX THROWS HIS GUN HITTING ONE IN THE EYE, MAX DISAPEARS..THEY LOOK AROUND..THE NINJA WHO GOT HIT IN THE EYE RUBS HIS EYE..MAX APPEARS BEHIND HIM AND CUTS HIS HEAD OFF, BLOOD SPLATTERS ALL OVER THE OTHER NINJAS...THE OTHER NINJAS JAM THERE SWORDS THREW THERE DEAD BROTHERS TORSO NEARLY HITTING MAX IN THE CHEST..MAX SPINS AROUND THE DEAD NINJA, THE NINJAS SWORDS GET STUCK..MAX CUTS THERE ARMS OFF THATS HOLDING THE SWORDS...3 ARMS DROP TO THE GROUND...BLOOD SPEWS ALL OVER THE GROUND..MAX PULLS OUT ANOTHER GUN AND SHOOTS THEM ALL IN THE HEAD...THEY DROP..THE HEADLESS NINJA FALLS TO ITS KNEES THEN THE GROUND (SONG ENDS).. MAX LOOKS UP AT THEM..

MAX: WHAT DO YOU WANT

MAX PUTS HIS SWORDS IN THERE SHEATHS...

MIKE: MAX...WE WERE WONDERING IF YOU WOULD TO TAKE ON A JOB...

MAX PICKS UP HIS GUN HE THREW AND PUTS IT IN HIS HOLSTER

MAX: WHAT KIND OF JOB?

MIKE: WERE MAKING A GROUP OF VERY POWERFUL INDIVIDUALS...AND WE WANT-

MAX: NAH...I GO SOLO...

MIKE: THE PAY WILL BE-

MAX: IM OUT OF YOUR PRICE RANGE

VIGA: HE DOESNT LOOK SO STRONG!

MAX CLIMBS UP THE HOLE REALLY QUICK..EVERYONE STARTS SWEATING...

LV: HE CLIMBED..THAT 1OO FOOT HOLE LIKE IT WAS NOTHING..

VIGA: NO...HES NOTHING!

VIGA RUNS OVER AND GRABS MAX AND PUTS HIM IN A BEAR HUG...MAX HEADBUTTS VIGA, VIGA DROPS MAX...MAX GRABS VIGA ARM AND THROWS HIM DOWN THE GIANT HOLE..HE FLIES DOWN AND SNAPS HIS NECK ON THE GROUND AND DIES...

LV: NO!

MIKE: PLEASE MAX...JOIN OUR TEAM...

SAMPSON: WE COULD USE A SOLIDURE LIKE YOU...

MAX: NOT INTRESTED..AND IM SORRY I KILLED ONE OF YOUR GUYS...

MIKE: MAYBE ONE DAY THEN...

MAX WALKS AWAY...

THEODORE: SO WHAT NOW! HE DIDNT JOIN! PLUS! HE KILLED ONE OF OUR GUYS..SO NOW WE NEED 2 MORE GUYS..HOW MUCH IS THIS GOING TO COST ME?

MIKE: WE DONT NEED 2...JUST ONE..I HAVE A BACK UP GUY...

(THAT NIGHT) MAX IS IN A SMALL WOODEN HOUSE...HES LYING IN A BED SMOKING A CIGRET...HE REACHES IN HIS POCKET AND PULLS OUT A FOLDED UP PIECE OF PAPER...HE UNFOLDS IT..IT SAYS 8TH ANUAL WRATH TOURNAMENT..

MAX: I CANT LOOSE...

(INSIDE A JAIL CELL) A BLACK MAN WITH CORNROWS IS SITTING THERE HES 42... HE IS READING THE BIBLE.. MIKE AND THEODORE WALK IN FRONT OF THE GATE...THE MAN LOOKS UP AT THEM..

MIKE: HEAVY..

MAN: THAT AINT MY NAME ANY MORE..

MIKE: I HAVE SOME VERY POWERFUL FRIENDS HERE...AND THEY SAY IF YOU WORK FOR ME..THEY WILL GIVE YOU A PARDON...

HEAVY: BULLSHIT..I ROBBED 16 BANKS... KILLED 12 PEOPLE...THERE AINT NO WAY

MIKE: THERE IS.. YOU WORK WITH US..UNDER A CONTRACT..FOR ONE YEAR.. AND YOU GO FREE

HEAVY: DOIN WHAT?

MIKE: AS A ASSASSIAN...

HEAVY: THERES NO POINT..IM WITH GOD NOW...

MIKE: YOUR GRANDSON TYROME..IS HE..HES A YOUNG BOY..LIVING IN A ROUGH NEIGHBORHOOD...

HEAVY: WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT

THEODORE: NOT ONLY WILL YOU GET OUT OF PRISON..WE'LL PAY YOU...ENOUGH FOR YOU TO TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER AND GRANDSON TO LIVE SOMEPLACE NICE...NEVER HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT THIS KIND OF LIFE AGAIN...

HEAVY: ...ONE YEAR... I CAN DO THAT..

(NEXT DAY) (5 DAYS TO GO) AT MAGIC MART 11PM.. CAP IS PUSHING BUGGIES..ALEJANDRO WALKS OUTSIDE TO CAP...

CAP: HEY YOUR BACK..

ALEJANDRO: YEAH..DID I MISS MUCH?

CAP: YES..I NEED YOUR HELP..JOHNNY THAT DOUCHE BAG WHO STALKS THE TLE FREIGHT..HE CHALLENGED ME TO A GAME OF PAINT BALL...AND THE LOSER..LEAVES MAGIC MART

ALEJANDRO: ..ITS KIND OF A WIN WIN SCENARIO...

CAP: YEAH..BUT AT THIS POINT ITS ABOUT PRIDE..BY THE WAY..ITS 4 V 4...WILL YOU BE ON MY TEAM?

ALEJANDRO: I GUESS...DO WE ALL HAFT TO QUIT IF WE LOOSE?

CAP: NO..JUST THE CAPTAINS

ALEJANDRO: IS VJ GOING TO PLAY

CAP: HOLD ON LET ME ASK HIM

CAP PULLS OUT HIS PHONE AND SENDS A TEXT MESSAGE..3 SECONDS LATER THE FIRST 5 SECONDS OF OH RADIO BY DOWNSTRAIT, STARTS PLAYING

CAP: HE SAYS YES

ALEJANDRO: THAT LEAVES ONE LAST PERSON...

CAP: ..KENNETH

ALEJANDRO: YOUR DOOMING US ALL

CAP: YOUR RIGHT..

VOICE: CAPTAIN COOL?

CAP AND ALEJANDRO LOOK OVER...A GUY WITH SHORT BROWN HAIR IS THERE..HES CHRIS AGE 17 HE HAS A BLUE SHIRT THAT SAYS WORLD MILITARY ON IT

CAP: OH HOLY SHIT..CHRIS?

CHRIS: HEY MAN...

ALEJANDRO: WHOS THIS?

CAP: THIS IS MY COUSIN CHRIS...I THOUGHT YOU JOINED THE WORLD MILITARY?

CHRIS: I DID..I GOT TO GO HOME FOR A WEEK MAN...

CAP: COOL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

CHRIS: MY DAD TOLD ME YOU WORKED HERE..AND I DIDNT BELEVIE YOU GOT A JOB SO I HAD TO COME DOWN AND SEE IF FOR MYSELF...

CAP: OUCH.. WELL ANYWAYS..I GOT A PAINTBALL MATCH COMING UP IN 5 DAYS...YOU WANT TO BE PART OF THE TEAM...

CHRIS: SURE...ARE YOU GUYS ANY GOOD

CAP: GOD NO!

CHRIS: OKAY..WELL..I GUESS I NEED TO TRAIN YOU GUYS...MEET ME AT EAST TOWN MALL IN TWO DAYS...AND IM GOING TO MAKE YOU GUYS THE CHAMPS..

CAP: IM GLAD YOUR ON MY SIDE!

(TWO DAYS LATER) (3 DAYS TO PAINT BALL) THE SONG DANGEROUS BY DATA STARTS PLAYING.. OUTSIDE A LARGE MALL (EAST TOWN MALL)  
A ZOOM IN ON A PAIR OR RIDDLER CONVERSE ARE WALKING TOWARDS THE MALL...THE CAMERA ZOOMS OUT CAP IS WALKING TOWARDS THE MALL WITH THE RIDDLER SHOES..  
VJ WALKS UP NEXT TO HIM..THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND NOD..ALEJANDRO WALKS UP NEXT TO THEM THEY LOOK AT HIM..VJ FLIPS ALEJANDRO OFF... CHRIS WALKS UP NEXT TO THEM...THEY TRY TO LOOK COOL WHILE THEY WALK.. THEY ALL STOP WALKING EXCEPT CAP WHO WALKS INTO THE GLASS DOOR OF THE MALL (SONG STOPS)...CAP SHAKES HIS HEAD

CAP: OH SHIT...

CAP OPENS THE DOOR, (TIME ELASP)THE SONG STARTS BACK UP, THEY WALK THREW THE MALL IN THE SAME FASHION... A CUTE GROUP OF GIRLS WALK BY LOOKING AT THEM..A CUTE GIRL SMILES AT THEM

CAP: OH GOD WAS SHE SMILING AT ME

ALEJANDRO: NO

(TIME ELASP) THEY WALK INTO THE ARCADE...ITS DARK BUT THE GROUND AND ROOF HAVE GREEN BACK LIGHTING...THEY GET TO A DOOR THAT SAYS LAZOR TAG... THEY ALL SMILE...(SONG STOPS)

(TIME ELASP) THE GROUP IS HOLDING LAZOR GUNS WITH A VEST ON THAT SAYS LAZER TAG ON IT...THEY LOOK OVER...THERES A GROUP OF 4 NINE YEAR OLD GIRL SCOUTS HOLDING LAZOR GUNS AND HAVE THE SAME VEST ON...

CAP: NOW GANG LISTEN UP...I KNOW COMEDICLY IT LOOKS LIKE WERE GOING TO LOOSE...BUT I THINK WE CAN STILL BEAT THEM

CHRIS: WE CAN...ALL WE HAFT TO DO... IS LISTEN TO ME

CAP: EXACTLY...

GIRL SCOUT: GOOD LUCK

VJ: (GIRLY VOICE) GOOD LUCK

THE GIRL SCOUT GIVES VJ A VERY ANGRY LOOK

VJ: HAHA..LIKE IM SCARED

GIRL SCOUT: YOU WILL BE...

A BLUE HAIRED GIRL WALKS OVER, SHE HAS ON A BLUE SHIRT THAT SAYS LAZER TAG ON IT..

GIRL: OKAY GANG, HERE ARE THE RULES..YOU HAVE 2 MINUTES TO FIND A PLACE TO HIDE AND GET READY..ONCE YOU SEE THE LIGHTS FLASH..ITS GO TIME IF YOU GET HIT..ITS GAME OVER...THE WINNING TEAM IS THE ONE WITH THE LAST SURVIVOR...THE WINNING TEAM WILL RECEIVE A FREE KEY CHAIN..WE NEED TEAM NAMES...

GIRL: TROOP 501

CAP: COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA

VJ: NOT THAT AGAIN

GIRL: ...EVERYONE READY...ALRIGHT..HERE WE GO...ITS TEAM COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA VERSUS TEAM TROOP 501!

(TIME ELASP) THE 4 GUYS WALK THREW A FOGGY AREA THERES TREES AND ROCKS EVERYWHERE.. THERES A LAKE

CHRIS: MAN..THIS MUST HAVE COST THEM A FOURTINE

VJ: IT LOOKS LIKE WERE ON DAGOBAH...

CHRIS: UHH...EXACTLY..THATS WHERE LUKE TRAINED...AND THATS WHERE YOUR GOING TO TRAIN...

THE LIGHTS FLICKER...THEY ALL HUNKER DOWN BEHIND A TREE

VJ FARTS REALLY LOUD

GIRL: (FAR AWAY) I HEAR THEM

ALEJANDRO JUMPS UP

ALEJANDRO: DAMN VJ! YOU FUCKIN STINK!

ALEJANDRO GETS SHOT 4 TIMES BY LAZERS...

ALEJANDROS VEST: YOU ARE ELIMINATED...

ALEJANDRO: SHIT!

ALEJANDRO LAYS ON THE GROUND WHILE THE OTHERS RUN AWAY...VJ CRASHES THREW A HOLE IN THE GROUND, HE SLIDES DOWN A SLIPPERY SLOPE..IT FLIPS HIM AROUND...HE SLIDES THREW A SMALL TUNNEL...HE GETS STUCK HALFWAY THREW...

VJ: ..FUCK

VJ SQUIRMS...VJ LOOKS BACK..HE SLIDES ABOUT 50 FEET DOWN..HE LOOKS DOWN..HES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GROUND...

VJ: ALL I GOT TO DO..IS GET THREW HERE..A LITTLE BIT LONGER...

THE GIRL SCOUT THAT VJ MOCKED WALKS IN FRONT OF HIM...VJ LIFTS UP HIS GUN, SHE KICKS IT OUT OF HIS HAND AND POINTS HER GUN AT HIM

VJ: LISTEN...YOU DONT HAVE TO DO THIS...

SCOUT: I TRIED TO SHOW YOU MERCY EARLIER..AND YOU LAUGHED IN MY FACE...

SHE SHOOTS VJ...

VJS VEST: YOU ARE ELIMINATED

SHE SMILES AT HIM, VJ GRABS HER GUN AND SMASHES THE BACK OF IT INTO HER NOSE, SHE FALLS TO THE GROUND..VJ SHOOTS HER IN THE CHEST..

GIRLS VEST: YOU ARE ELIMINATED

VJ: HAHAHA TAKE THAT...

GIRL: OWWWW!

(INSIDE A MINE) CAP AND CHRIS ARE WALKING..THEY GET TO A MINE CART THAT FOLLOWS A LONG PATH..

CAP: NO WONDER THIS MALL IS SO BROKE..IT ALL WENT TO THIS DAMN LAZER TAG GAME...

CHRIS: HEY I AINT COMPLAINING...

THEY JUMP IN... THE MINE CART TAKES OFF...IF FLIES DOWN A LONG TRAIL...FAR AWAY THERES ANOTHER MINE CART ON ANOTHER TRAIL..INSIDE IS 2 GIRL SCOUTS...

CHRIS: DUCK!

THEY DUCK, LAZERS FLY PAST THERE CART...

CAP: SHIT!

CHRIS POKES HIS HEAD UP..A GIRL SCOUT JUMPS OVER TO THERE CART..SHE POINTS HER GUN AT THEM..CHRIS KICKS HER IN THE VAGINA SHE FLIES OFF OUT OF THE CART INTO A PIT OF DARKNESS...SHE DROPED HER GUN IN THE CART...

CAP: DUDE...

CHRIS: WE NEVER SPEAK OF WHAT JUST HAPPENED...

THE OTHER GIRL THROWS A PICK AXE, IT FLIES INTO THE SIDE OF THE CART ALMOST HITTING CAP IN THE HEAD...THEY SCREAM...THERE CART TRAILS GO INTO DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS...THE CART STOPS INTO ANOTHER SECTION OF THE MINE

CAP: OHH GOD...THAT WAS CLOSE...

THEY JUMP OUT THE MINE CART... THEY STRECH...A LAZER SHOOTS BY ALMOST HITTING CHRIS IN THE FOOT..THEY LOOK OVER ANOTHER GIRL SCOUT WALKS TOWARDS THEM...THEY PUT THERE HANDS IN THE AIR...

GIRL: DROP YOUR GUNS...

THEY DROP THERE GUNS...

GIRL: GOOD... KNOW ON YOUR KNEES...

CAP GETS DOWN ON HIS KNEES...

THE GIRL WALKS OVER TO CHRIS AND PUSHES HIM AGAINST THE MINE CART

GIRL: YOU TOO..ON YOUR KNEES..

CHRIS REACHES IN THE MINE CART AND GRABS THE OTHER GIRLS GUN AND HE JUMPS UP AND SHOOTS THE GIRL SCOUT

GIRLS VEST: YOU ARE ELIMINATED..

SHE TRIES TO SHOOT THEM...NOTHING HAPPENS

CHRIS: ONCE YOU BEEN ELIMINATED...YOUR GUNS ARE DEACTIVATED...

CHRIS THOWS THE GIRLS GUN DOWN..CAP GETS UP..THEY EACH GRAB THERE GUNS.. GIRL THROWS HER GUN DOWN AND WALKS AWAY...CHRIS AND CAP LAUGH... (TIME ELASP) THE TWO ARE WALKING THREW A FOREST...THEY GET TO A SMALL CABIN... (TIME ELASP) THEY ARE WALKING TO THE SMALL CABIN..THEY GET TO A KITCHEN...THEY OPEN THE FRIDGE...ITS FILLED WITH 10 GALLONS OF MILK...

CAP: OHH MAN...ALL THIS IS NEW...

CHRIS OPENS A CABNIT DOOR...ITS FILLED WITH UNOPENED BOXES OF LUCKY CHARMS...THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER...  
(TIME ELASP) THE SONG STUCK IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU BY STEALERS WHEEL STARTS PLAYING THERE EATING LUCKY CHARMS AT THE TABEL..  
THERES MILK GALLONS AND CHARMS ALL OVER THE TABEL.. THEY START LAUGHING.. CHRIS AND CAP AT THE SAME TIME CHUG A BOWL OF MILK...THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER..THEY BOTH GRAB A BOX OF LUCKY CHARMS AND POOR MORE IN THERE BOWL... THEY BOTH GRAB A GALLON OF MILK AND FEEL THERE BOWL.. CAP CHUGS FROM THE GALLON ITSELF...CHRIS POORS SOME ON HIS HEAD WHILE LAUGHING... (OUTSIDE) THE LAST TWO GIRLS WALK UP TO THE CABIN..THE ONE THAT WAS KICKED OFF THE CART IS SOAKING WET...(INSIDE) CHRIS AND CAP ARE POORING A BOX OF LUCKY CHARMS ON THERE FACE AND EATING IT AS IT COMES DOWN, MOST OF IT HITS THE FLOOR...IN THE BACKGROUND THE DOOR SLOWLY OPENS...THE GIRLS CREEP IN...CHRIS EATS A BIG SPOONFUL OF LUCKY CHARMS...THE GIRLS ARE BEHIND THEM...CHRIS DROPS HIS SPOON (SONG ENDS)  
CHRIS FLIPS OVER THE TABEL AND GRABS HIS GUN..CAP DROPS TO THE GROUND TOO..CHRIS SHOOTS ONE IN THE CHEST...THE OTHER GIRL SHOOTS CHRIS IN THE CHEST..HE FALLS TO THE GROUND ...CAP SHOOTS THE LAST GIRL IN HER VEST...

CAPS VEST: TEAM COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA WINS THE GAME..

CAP AND CHRIS JUMP UP

CAP AND CHRIS: YEEESSS!

(TIME ELASP) BOTH GROUPS EXIT THE LAZER TAG ROOM...THE BLUE HAIRED GIRL HANDS CAP A GREEN ALIEN KEY CHAIN..

CAP: AWESOME!

CHRIS: JUST CURIOUS..HOW EXPENSIVE WAS THAT ROOM

GIRL: I DONT KNOW...IVE NEVER BEEN IN THERE...

ALEJANDRO: WE GOT TO DO THIS AGAIN!

VJ: AND IT WAS ONLY 5 BUCKS..

(TIME ELASP) THE CREW IS WALKING THREW THE MALL...

ALEJANDRO: GUYS JESS WOULD LOVE THAT LAZER TAG PLACE

CAP: VICKIE WOULD TOO

VJ: MY 6 RANDOM BITCHES WOULD LIKE IT TOO..ACTUALLY.. I DONT KNOW IF THEY WOULD OR NOT..

ALEJANDRO: YOU DONT HAVE 6 GIRLS..

VJ: YES I DO, YOU ASIAN PIECE OF SHIT!

A INDIAN MAN WALKS OVER TO THEM...HE POINTS AT CAPS ALIEN KEY CHAIN..

INDIAN MAN: YOU LIKE KEY CHAIN YES..

CAP: YA..I GUESS

INDIAN MAN PULLS OUT A NECKLESS WITH A ALIEN MEDALION

INDIAN: YOU WANT..I GIVE YOU UHH FOR 20

CAP: NAH..I DONT HAVE THE MONEY..

VJ: CAN HE PAY YOU IN A FAVOR?

INDIAN MAN SMILES

INDIAN: YOU MEAN THIS KIND OF A FAVOR?

THE INDIAN MAN MOTIONS A BLOW JOB

VJ: HAHAAH YEAH THAT ONE

CAP: NO...NO I DONT WANT IT

INDIAN: NAH..THATS WHAT I GOT A WIFE FOR

VJ: BUT HE CAN DO OTHER KIND OF FAVORS TOO...THAT SHE CANT

CAP: OH NO!

THE INDIAN MAN BENDS OVER

INDIAN: YOU MEAN THIS KIND OF FAVOR?

HE MOTIONS A DICK GOING IN HIS ASS

VJ: YES..EXCEPT MAYBE THE OTHER WAY AROUND..

CAP: I HATE THAT NECKLESS..ITS TRASH TO ME!

(TIME ELASP) (DAY BEFORE PAINTBALL) 9PM.. CAP IS IN BED NEXT TO VICKIE..THERE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER..

VICKE: ARE YOU NERVOUS?

CAP: UMMM..A LITTLE..ACTUALLY.. BUT..WHATEVER HAPPENS..I GOT YOU BY MY SIDE...

VICKIE: YOU DO..

CAP SMILES..

CAP: I GOT YOU SOMETHING BY THE WAY

CAP PULLS OUT THE ALIEN KEY CHAIN...AND HANDS IT TO HER

VICKIE: OHH THIS IS SO COOL!

CAP: I KNOW RIGHT...

VICKIE: IT IS..IM GOING WITH YOU TOMORROW...

CAP: BUT ITS 4 VERSUS 4

VICKIE: I KNOW..BUT I CAN STILL ROOT FOR YOU ON THE SIDE LINES..

CAP: ...YOU KNOW..I WOULD LIKE THAT...

THEY KISS...

(NEXT DAY) VJ CHRIS ALEJANDRO CAP VICKIE ARE IN THE SIN EATER...THEY PULL UP TO A GIANT PAINT BALL COURSE...

VJ: WE HAVE ARRIVED...

CAP: WE CANT LOOSE GANG..

VICKIE: I BELEIVE IN YOU CAPTAIN COOL AND FRIENDS!

VICKIE KISSES CAP ON THE CHEEK..THEY ALL GET OUT OF THE SIN EATER...NEXT TO THEM IN A BLACK JEEP IS JOHNNY AND 3 GUYS...ONE OF THE GUYS HAS A BLACK MOHAWK AND A NOSE PIERCING HES EDWIN AGE 17, ONE IS A MUSCULAR MAN WITH LONG HAIR HES EJ, AND THE LAST ONE IS A BLACK SKINNY GUY NAMED GIRWIN AGE 21...

JOHNNY: THIS IS MY CREW!

CAP: MINES BETTER...

JOHNNY: OH..WELL SEE ABOUT THAT.. EJ, EDWIN AND JOHNNY

(TIME ELASP) THEY GO INSIDE THE GATES..THERES A REGISTRATION SIGN UP AND A SMOOTHE BAR...VICKIE GRABS CAPS HAND

VICKIE: GOOD LUCK...IM GOING TO GO TO THE SMOOTHE BAR!

CAP: OKAY...

VICKIE WALKS INSIDE THE SMOOTE BAR... CAP AND HIS CREW GO TO THE REGISTRATION SIGN UP...THERES A GUY AT THE SIGN UP...

GUY: 4 V 4 GAME HUH...

CAP: YEAH...

GUY: WHAT ARE YOUR TEAMS NAMES?

CAP: COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA!

ALEJANDRO: THATS SUCH A STUPID NAME

CAP: BETTER THEN ALEJANDRO..

JOHNNY: CAPTAIN COOLS A BITCH!

CAP: DO WHAT!

GUY: OKAY..TEAM COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA VERSUS TEAM CAPTAIN COOLS A BITCH

CAP: OHHHHH... WERE SO GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!

GIRWIN: LETS SEE YOU TRY

EDWIN: WERE PROS

EJ: YEAH MAN..WERE UNDEFEATED

VJ: IN A WAY..SO ARE WE!

GUY: OKAY LISTEN UP..INSIDE IS A GIANT MAZE...EACH TEAM WILL TAKE A DIFFERENT ENTRANCE...YOU EACH GET A GUN AND A VEST...IF YOU GET SHOT IN THE ARMOR..THE THING WILL TELL YOU, THAT YOUR OUT, ONCE YOUR OUT YOUR GUN WILL NO LONGER WORK...THE LAST TEAM WITH SURVIVING IS THE WINNER...WINNER GETS A TROPHY

THE GUY SHOWS A TINY PLASTIC TROPHY

JOHNNY: HOW LAME

CAPS EYES START TO SHINE

CAP: I WANT IT!

CHRIS: AND WE WILL WIN IT

VJ: HEY?

GUY: YEAH WHATS UP

VJ: HAVE YOU EVER...LIKE TOOK A SHIT FOR SO LONG...TO THE POINT OF YOUR BALLS GO NUMB...

GUY: ...NO..OKAY HERES YOUR GEAR...

THE GUY PUTS TWO BOXES ON A TABEL FULL OF GEAR... EACH TEAM GRABS A BOX AND PUTS THE GEAR ON...CKWA IS GREEN AND TEAM CAPTAIN COOLS A BITCH IS ORANGE

GUY: OKAY TEAM COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA...YOU WILL GO TO ENTRANCE 1 AND TEAM CAPTAIN COOLS A BITCH WILL GO TO ENTRANCE 4...

(TIME ELASP) COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA ARE AT ENTRANCE 1...THEY GO INSIDE THE GATE..ITS A GIANT HEDGE MAZE...

ALEJANDRO: MAN THIS PLACE IS HUGE!

CHRIS: WE SHOULD SPLIT UP...

(INSIDE THE SMOOTHE BAR) VICKIE WALKS IN..SHE WALKS OVER AND SITS DOWN AT A STOOL...THE ALIEN KEY CHAIN DANGLES FROM HER PANT LOOP.. A MAN BEHIND THE COUNTER WALKS OVER..HE HAS LONG BLACK HAIR A LIP PIERCING HES NICK AGE 20..

NICK: WHAT DO YOU WANT

VICKIE: A LEMONAIDE SMOOTHE PLEASE...

NICK: ALRIGHT...

LORD VICTORIOUS WALKS IN...NICK LOOKS UP AT LORD VICTORIOUS..NICK SMILES..HE GOES TO THE BACK...LV SITS DOWN AT THE BAR

LV: CAN I HAVE A STRAWBERRY SMOOTHE PLEASE...

NICK: (VOICE FROM THE BACK) ONE SECOND PLEASE..

(INSIDE THE FIELD) CAP IS WALKING DOWN A PATH...HE GETS TO A LARGE OPEN AREA WITH A GIANT FOUNTAIN... CAP RUNS OVER TO THE FOUNTAIN...CAP LOOKS AT HIS REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR..A ORANGE BALL FLIES PAST CAPTAIN COOLS HEAD... CAP TURN AROUND AND EJ IS THERE

EJ: DAMN! I MISSED CAP STARTS SHOOTING AT EJ..EJ RUNS AROUND DODGING EACH BULLET..CAP RUNS OUT OF PAINT BALLS..

CAP: SHIT

EJ STARTS SHOOTING BACK..CAP JUMPS IN THE FOUNTAIN...HE RELOADS PAINT BALLS IN THE GUN ..CAP STANDS UP AND SHOOTS EJ IN THE CHEST 4 TIMES

EJS VEST: YOU HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED

EJ: MOTHER FUCKER

CAP: WHOS THE BITCH NOW!

EJ: ...ITS STILL YOU!

(TIME ELASP) EJ EXITS THE PAINT BALL FIELD..HE GOES TO THE REGISTRATION SIGN UP..HE PUTS HIS GEAR BACK IN A BOX...HE LOOKS UP AND SEES THE REGISTRATION GUY IS DEAD, WITH A BULLET IN HIS HEAD...EJ WALKS BACKWARDS...HE BUMPS INTO UVU..EJ TURNS AROUND AND UVU SNAPS HIS NECK...EJ DROPS TO THE GROUND DEAD...

(SMOOTHE BAR) LV LEANS IN TOWARDS VICKIE...HE SMILES

LV: YOU GOT A MAN...

VICKIE: I DO...

LV: OHH ..NO THATS WHERE YOUR WRONG...YOU SEE MY FRIENDS...AS WE SPEAK...ARE KILLING HIM..AND HIS BUDDIES...SO LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION AGAIN...DO YOU HAVE A MAN?

(INSIDE THE PAINT BALL FIELD) EDWIN IS WALKING THREW A PATH...THERES TREES ALL AROUND THE AREA...EDWIN GETS SHOT IN THE CHEST WITH A GREEN PAINT BALL

EDWINS VEST: YOU ARE ELIMINATED

EDWIN: SERIOUSLY

CHRIS IS UP IN A TREE HOUSE GRINING...EDWIN GETS SHOT IN THE HEAD WITH A BULLET..EDWIN DROPS TO THE GROUND DEAD...

CHRIS: OHHHHHH HOLY CRAP!

BULLETS START SHOOTING THREW THE TREE HOUSE.. CHRIS HUNKERS DOWN IN A BEETLE POSITION...THE BULLETS STOP...SOMEONE STARTS CLIMBING UP THE TREE...CHRIS CLOSES HIS EYES...

(IN A BIG FLOWER GARDEN) ALEJANDRO AND VJ ARE WALKING THREW IT...

ALEJANDRO: I THOUGHT THEY SAID TO SPLIT UP

VJ: YEAH..THEY SAY ALOT OF THINGS...BUT I FIGURED THE MEXICAN MIGHT KNOW HIS WAY AROUND SOME HEDGES..

ALEJANDRO: AT LEAST YOU KNOW MY RACE

VJ: SHUT UP ASIAN INVASION

A ORANGE PAINT BALL FLIES NEXT TO ALEJANDROS HEAD ALMOST HITTING HIM..THEY BOTH TURN AROUND AND SEE GIRWIN.. THEY BOTH SHOOT HIM IN THE CHEST WITH A GREEN PAINT BALL

GIRWINS CHEST: YOU ARE ELIMINATED

GIRWIN: SHIT!

VJ: HAHAHAHA BLACK PEOPLE CANT SHOOT FOR SHIT

ALEJANDRO: ARNT YOU BLACK?

VJ: BITCH IM EVERYTHING...

GIRWIN: MAN ARE YOU-

UVU RUNS OVER AND PUNCHES GIRWIN IN THE MOUTH...GIRWIN FLIES 40 FEET ACROSS THE FLOWERS..

VJ: DAAAMN THAT NIGGA GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!

UVU: SOON..YOU WILL BE TOO.

ALEJANDRO: OHH CRAP...

(OUTSIDE A LARGE ANCIENT BUILDING) CAP IS WALKING TOWARDS A LARGE GREEK LIKE BUILDING...

CAP: OHH HOW DO THESE PLACES AFFORD THIS?

JOHNNY APPEARS BEHIND CAP..HE SHOOTS AT HIM...CAP JUMPS OUT THE WAY... CAP SHOOTS AT JOHNNY..JOHNNY DODGES EACH ATTACK...  
THEY BOTH WIND UP RIGHT IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER WITH THERE GUNS ON EACH OTHERS CHEST...THEY BOTH PULL THE TRIGGER...EACH GUN IS EMPTEY...

CAP AND JOHNNY: SHIT!

BOTH OF THEM GET SHOT IN THE SHOULDER, THEY BOTH GRAB THERE SHOULDER... THEY LOOK OVER AND HES SMOKING A CIGAR HOLDING A GUN...

CAP: FUCKING SHIT!

SAMPSON: WELL... LOOKS LIKE I ELIMINATED YOU BOTH

CAP: WHO..ARE YOU

SAMPSON: YOU PISSED OFF A FRIEND OF MINE...NOW... YOU MUST DIE...YOU TO SHIT HEAD...

JOHNNY: WAIT..IM I THE SHIT HEAD...OR IS HE

SAMPSON SHOOTS AT JOHNNY JOHNNY RUNS AROUND DODGING EACH BULLET...

SAMPSON: BOYS THIS WILL BE FUN...

(SMOOTHE BAR) LV: ITS NOT A HARD QUESTION TO ANSWER...HOW ABOUT I-

NICK WALKS OVER

NICK: HEY LORD VICTORIOUS..

LV LOOKS OVER AT NICK WHO HAS OUT A MACHINE GUN..NICK SHOOTS LV IN THE CHEST 14 TIMES...BLOOD GETS ON VICKIES FACE...LV FALLS TO THE GROUND DEAD...VICKIE LOOKS BACK AT NICK AND SMILES...

VICKIE: WOW...THAT WAS...UMMMM

NICK JUMPS OVER THE BAR AND LOOKS THREW LVS POCKETS...HE PULLS OUT A SET OF KEYS...

NICK: FINALLY.. I DONT HAFT TO WORK HERE ANYMORE

VICKIE: WHYS THAT?

NICK: I HAVE THE KEYS TO HIS FORTRESS...HE...INVINTES THE MOST BADASS GADGETS OF ALL TIME...AND NOW..I HAVE THEM...

VICKIE: WOW..THATS DEFINETLY GOING TO BE A STEP UP FROM RUNNING A SMOOTHE BAR..

NICK: INDEED...

VICKIE: DO YOU NEED...MAYBE A SIDE KICK...SOMEONE

VICKE WALKS OVER AND HOLDS NICKS HAND...

VICKIE: BY YOUR SIDE

NICK: SURE...JUST DONT GET IN MY WAY...

VICKIE KISSES NICK ON THE CHEEK..

(BACK TO VJ AND ALEJANDRO) THE SONG ONCE MORE ROUND THE SUN BY MASTODON STARTS PLAYING... UVU POPS HIS KNUCKLES.. VJ CHARGES AT UVU AND SWINGS AT HIM..UVU CATCHES VJS FIST AND PUNCHES VJ IN THE RIBS, VJ FALLS TO THE GROUND..ALEJANDRO CHARGES AT UVU..UVU ROUNDHOUSE KICKS HIM IN THE FACE KNOCKING HIM TO THE GROUND...(TREE HOUSE) HEAVY CLIMBS INSIDE THE TREE HOUSE..HE LOOKS CHRIS WHOS IN ON THE GROUND..  
CHRIS OPENS HIS EYES AND KICKS HEAVY IN THE DICK..HEAVY STUMBLES BACK..CHRIS JUMPS UP..HEAVY PULLS OUT A GUN..CHRIS PULLS A KNIFE FROM HIS SHOE... (GREEK BUILDING) CAP AND JOHNNY ARE DODGING SAMPSONS BULLETS... SAMPSON RUNS OUT OF BULLETS...SAMPSON DROPS HIS GUN..HE PULLS A MACHETE OUT FROM HIS SIDE SHEATH ON HIS LEG...(GARDEN) UVU PICKS UP ALEJANDRO BY THE BACK OF HIS SHIRT...HE PUNCHES ALEJANDRO IN THE FACE...VJ GRABS UVU FROM THE BACK..UVU LOOKS BACK AT VJ AND ELBOWS VJ IN THE HEAD KNOCKING HIM TO THE GROUND ...UVU LOOKS BACK AND ALEJANDRO PUNCHES UVU IN THE FACE...UVU HEADBUTTS ALEJANDRO IN THE FACE BREAKING HIS NOSE..VJ KICKS UVU IN THE BACK OF THE LEG FROM THE FROM THE GROUND..UVU FALLS TO ONE KNEE..HE LETS GO OF ALEJANDRO...UVU GETS UP AND SWINGS AT VJ, VJ JUMPS BACK DODGING THE PUNCH HE JUMPS FORWARD AND DROP KICKS UVU IN THE CHEST..UVU STUMBLES BACK INTO ALEJANDRO..ALEJANDRO CATCHES HIM AND PUTS HIM IN A SLEEP HOLD...UVU ELBOWS ALEJANDRO IN THE RIBS AND ALEJANDRO LETS GO.. UVU WALKS FORWARD VJ RUNS OVER DROP KICKS UVU IN THE CHEST KNOCKING HIM TO THE GROUND...VJ FALLS ON TOP OF HIM..VJ PUNCHES UVU IN THE FACE...  
UVU HITS VJ REALLY HARD WITH A ELBOW UPSIDE THE HEAD KNOCKING VJ OUT..UVU TRIES TO PUSH VJ OFF BUT HE CANT..ALEJANDRO WALKS OVER TO UVU...UVU LOOKS AT ALEJANDRO...ALEJANDRO LOOKS DOWN AND HIT BOOTS.. (TREE HOUSE)CHRIS GETS UP.. HEAVY STARTS SHOOTING AT CHRIS..CHRIS CHARGES AT HEAVY GETTING SHOT IN THE RIGHT SHOULDER LEFT LEG AND HIP.. CHRIS GETS TO HEAVY AND JAMS HIS KNIFE INTO HEAVYS THROAT..BLOOD SPEWS OUT...HEAVY DROPS HIS GUN..CHRIS SPINS AROUND AND PUNCHES HEAVY OUT THE TREE HOUSE, HE LANDS DOWN DEAD...(GREEK BUILDING)  
SAMPSON SWINGS HIS MACHETE AT JOHNNY...JOHNNY DODGES EACH ATTACK...CAP RUNS OVER AT SAMPSON AND SAMPSON QUICKLY SPINS AROUND CUTTING CAP ON THE SIDE OF HIS CHEST...JOHNNY JAMS A SWITCH BLADE THREW THE BACK OF SAMPSONS SHOULDER...SAMPSON SPINS AROUND AND JAMS THE MACHETE THREW JOHNNYS CHEST..(SONG STOPS) BLOOD SPEWS OUT AS THE MACHETE IS STICKING OUT HIS OTHER SIDE...

JOHNNY VEST: YOU ARE ELIMINATED..TEAM COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA WINS

JOHNNY: YOU DID IT CAPTAIN COOL...YOU WIN...AND SO DID I

JOHNNY HOLDS UP A GERNADE PIN

SAMPSON LOOKS DOWN AT A GERNADE STRAPPED TO HIS SIDE...THE PIN IS MISSING

SAMPSON: OHH FUC-

SAMPSON AND JOHNNY EXPLODE...BLOOD AND DIRT FLY UP IN THE AIR...CAP GETS KNOCKED BACK FROM THE EXPLOSION

(TIME ELASP) CAP ALEJANDRO VJ AND CHRIS ALL EXIT THE PAINTBALL FIELD...THERE ALL BLOODY AND BRUISED...THEY ALL TAKE OFF THERE PAINT BALL GEAR AND THROW IT ON THE GROUND...

VJ: LETS GO HOME..

THEY ALL LOOK TIRED...ALEJANDROS BOOTS ARE BLOODY AND ALEJANDRO IS VERY PALE... (IN THE PAINT BALL FIELD NEXT TO THE TREE) HEAVYS BODY IS LIENG ON THE GROUND DEAD AND BLOODIED UP NEXT TO THE TREE... (NEXT TO THE GIANT BUILDING) SAMPSONS BODY IS IN PIECES AND BURNT UP... (IN THE FLOWER FIELD) UVU IS DEAD WITH HIS HEAD CAVED IN...(BACK TO CKWA)

CAP: ILL GO GET VICKIE...

CAP GOES INSIDE THE SMOOTHE BAR...HE SEES LVS DEAD BODY..

CAP: OHHH FUCKK...

CAP SEES A NOTE AND A KEY...CAP WALKS OVER TO THE NOTE..IT READS.. DEAR CAPTAIN COOL, I THINK THE WORLD OF YOU..I REALLY DO...YOUR THE NICEST GUY IVE EVER MEET..BUT..I THINK ITS TIME I LEFT...ILL NEVER FORGET YOU..MY HERO.. P.S HERES THE KEY TO THE ANKLE TRACKING DEVICE..

CAP PUTS THE NOTE AND KEY IN HIS POCKET...HE TURNS AROUND AND MIKE IS THERE...MIKE SMACKS CAP IN THE FACE WITH A CROWBAR KNOCKING HIM OUT...

MIKE: HAVING FUN YET?

(TIME ELASP) CAP WAKES UP GASPING..STRAPPED IN A CHAIR IN A DARK BASEMENT..THE SONG MONDAY MONDAY BY THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS START PLAYING..CAP LOOKS AROUND..HIS SHOULDER IS BANDAGED UP..HE TRIES TO GET FREE...  
END 


	3. episode 3- beauty and the beast

COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA EPISODE 3-

EPISODE 3- BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

VJ IS SITTING ON A COUCH PLAYING VIDEO GAMES WITH A RED HAIRED GUY NAMED LES...A WOMAN WALKS IN...SHE HAS SHORT RED HAIR AND A BIG ASS..SHES MS. WEAVER

WEAVER: READY TO GO TO SCHOOL BOYS...

LES: YES MOM...

(TIME ELASP) MS. WEAVER GETS TO A LARGE SCHOOL, THAT SAYS STRAWBERRY HIGH...

MS. WEAVER: HAVE A GOOD DAY AT SCHOOL BOYS..WAIT VJ

LES GETS OUT OF THE CAR VJ STOPS..LES GOES INSIDE THE SCHOOL...

WEAVER: DO YOU MIND HELPING ME WITH SOMETHING TODAY...

VJ: SURE WHAT

MS. WEAVER DRIVES AWAY FROM THE SCHOOL...

WEAVER: YOU SEE..I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME...REACH A SPOT...A SPOT THAT HASNT BEEN..TOUCHED IN A WHILE...

(TIME ELASP) BACK AT THE WEAVER HOUSE...VJ AND MS. WEAVER ARE MAKING OUT ON THE COUCH...

MS. WEAVER: ITS BEEN SO LONG..

VJ: YEAH.. YOU LOOK LIKE A SEXY VERSION OF THE MOM FROM DEXTERS LAB

(TIME ELASP) VJ IS FUCKING HER IN THE ASS...

VJ: GAAAAAA YEAAAH!

(TIME ELASP) VJ IS GOING DOWN ON MS. WEAVER...

MS. WEAVER: MMMM YESS..VJ...AHHHHH... YEAAAH...HAHAHAHA

VJ LOOKS UP AT MS. WEAVER, HER FACE IS CAPTAIN COOL

VJ: WHAT THE HELL! CAPTAIN COOL!

CAP: HAHA I SURE GOT YOU VJ HAHAHA!

VJ: OHHH YOU THINK SO!

VJ STANDS UP COMPLETLY NAKED

VJ: IM GOING TO MAKE YOU MY BITCH!

(INSIDE BASEMENT) CAP WAKES UP GASPING..HES STRAPPED TO A CHAIR IN A DARK BASEMENT..THE SONG MONDAY MONDAY BY THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS STARTS PLAYING...CAP LOOKS AROUND..HIS SHOULDER IS BANDAGED UP..HE TRIES TO GET FREE...MIKE IN MAINTENANCE WALKS OUT OF THE SHADOWS, HES HOLDING A CROWBAR...

MIKE: I..LOVE..THIS SONG..

CAP: WHERE AM I?

MIKE: THIS..IS YOUR FINAL DESTINATION...

CAP: ...WHY

MIKE: WHY WHAT?

CAP: WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!

MIKE: IVE TRIED THREE TIMES NOW TO KILL YOU...I HIT YOU WITH MY VAN..I SET YOU UP AT THE ASYLUM...MY SON DIED THERE...THEN I TRIED AGAIN TODAY...YOU KILLED MY CREW...SO NOW..I GOT YOU...AND NO ONE HAS TO DIE...EXCEPT YOU..THERES NO GETTING OUT OF THIS ROOM ALIVE.

CAP: NO..WHY..BEFORE THE ASYLUM...YOU WANTED ME DEAD...

MIKE: WELL..YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHY I HATE YOU.. (SONG ENDS)

(FLASH BACK) IN A SMALL BRICK HOUSE...8 YEAR OLD MIKE WAKES UP..HE RUBS HIS EYES, IN HIS ROOM THERES A POSTER OF A SUPER HERO WHOS VERY MUSCULAR, HE HAS ON A MASK, GREEN SHIRT AND PANTS..THE NAME MR. WONDER IS ON THE POSTER...

MIKE: TODAY..I PROMISE TO BE JUST LIKE MR. WONDER...

MIKE EXITS HIS ROOM..HE GOES INTO THE LIVING ROOM... IN THERE IS A MAN AND A WOMAN.. THE MAN HAS SHORT BROWN HAIR AND A MUSTACHE HES PETER AGE 28.. AND THE WOMAN HAS CURLY BLONDE HAIR..SHES MARRY AGE 29

MARRY: GOOD MORNING MIKE...HOW ARE YOU TODAY

MIKE: IM OKAY!

PETER: HEY SON..WANT TO PLAY BALL...

MIKE: SURE DAD

(THAT NIGHT) THERE ALL GATHERED AROUND THE TV...A WESTERN MOVIES IS ON...MIKE IS PLAYING WITH ACTION FIGURES..ONE OF THE ACTION FIGURES IS OF MR. WONDER AND THE OTHER IS OF A MAN IN A BROWN OUTFIT... WITH GIANT GOGGLES

MIKE: TAKE THAT PROFESSOR LANCHESTER!

PETER LOOKS AT HIM...

PETER: WHAT ARE YOU DOING...

MIKE: MR. WONDER IS BEATING UP PROFESSOR LANCHESTER...

PETER: WHYS THAT?

MIKE: HES EVIL...AND MR. WONDER IS TRYING TO STOP HIM..

PETER: HAHA..WHAT DID PROFESSOR LANCHESTER DO

MIKE: I DONT KNOW..HES JUST..EVIL

PETER: OHH..MAYBE HES JUST..MISUNDERSTOOD...I MEAN..THERES 2 SIDES TO EVERY STORY..

MIKE: NO..HES EVIL

PETER: HAHA ALRIGHT..

(TIME ELASP) MIKE AND MARRY ARE WALKING DOWN A CITY BLOCK WINDOW SHOPING..THEY SEE A TV STORE...ON THE TV IS THE NEWS

NEWS ANCHOR: TODAY MR. WONDER STOPPED BANK ROBBERS FROM STEALING FROM THE WRATH CITY BANK TODAY..AND THE MAYOR HAS DECLARED THIS FRIDAY TO BE MR. WONDER DAY...AND THERE WILL BE A GIANT CERAMONY AT CITY HALL, MR. WONDER WILL BE THERE..PEOPLE ARE WORRIED THAT PROFESSOR LANCHESTOR WILL SHOW UP.. HE HASNT BEEN SEEN IN 6 MONTHS SINCE HE STOLE THE DIAMOND OF THE GODS...

MIKE: ..MR. WONDER IS GOING TO BE THERE!...

(TIME ELASP) PETER, MARRY, AND MIKE ARE AT A GIANT CERAMONY AT TOWN HALL...THERES A SHORT FAT GUY WITH SLICK BACK BROWN HAIR AT A PODIUM..HES THE MAYOR

MAYOR: HELLO AND WELCOME... I AM PLEASED TO HONOR..THAT TODAY..IS MR. WONDER DAY! AND HERE HE IS...THE MAN OF THE HOUR..MR. WONDER!...

THE SONG THE WANDERER BY DION STARTS PLAYING...MR WONDER SLOWLY FLIES DOWN TO THE PODIUM, THE CROWD CHEERS

MR. WONDER: HEY HOW IS EVERYONE TODAY (SONG STOPS)

(TIME ELASP) MR. WONDER IS IN A CROWD OF GIRLS SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS...MIKE IS PUSHING HIS WAY TO GET THREW..HE GETS TO MR. WONDER MIKE TUGS ON MR. WONDERS LEG..MR. WONDER LOOKS DOWN AT MIKE

MIKE: HAHA MR. WONDER CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?

MR WONDER: NOT NOW KID..IM BUSY

MIKE STARTS TO CRY AND RUNS AWAY... (TIME ELASP) PETER IS HOLDING MIKE...

MIKE: (CRYING) WHY DIDNT HE WANT TO TALK TO ME..

PETER: NOT ALL HEROS ARE WHAT THEY CLAIM TO BE...WHERES YOUR MOM?

(TIME ELASP) THEY GET TO A GREEN 1955 LINCOLN, THE SONG THE WANDER IS PLAYING INSIDE THE CAR..THE CAR IS SHAKING..THEY GET UP TO IT..MR. WONDER IS HAVING SEX WITH MARRY..PETERS FACE TURNS RED...

MARRY: OHHH GOD!

SONG: IM THE WANDER, YEAH WANDERER I ROAM AROUND, AROUND AROUND AROUND (SONG ENDS)

(THAT NIGHT) PETER AND MARRY ARE LYING ON THE COUCH WATCHING TV..MIKE IS ON THE FLOOR PLAYING ACTION FIGURES...PETER HAS A GLASS OF SCOTCH IN HIS HAND..

MARRY SNUGGLES UP TO PETER..

MARRY: HEY..I THOUGHT YOU DIDNT DRINK ANY MORE..

PETER: IM..JUST NOT FEELING WELL TODAY..

MARRY: YOU KNOW THEY SEE MR. WONDER HAS NEVER DRANK ANY ALCHOL HIS ENTIRE LIFE.. DID YOU HEAR THAT MIKE..

PETER DRINKS THE REST OF HIS SCOTCH...A SINGLE TEAR ROLLS DOWN HIS FACE..

(TIME ELASP) A WEEK LATER...MIKE IS OUTSIDE PLAYING...HE FALLS DOWN AND SCRAPES HIS KNEE...(TIME ELASP) INSIDE MIKE IS SITTING AT THE DINNING ROOM TABLE MARRY PUTS A BANDAID ON MIKES KNEE...

MARRY: NOW HOWS THAT?

MIKE: FINE...WHERES DAD?

MARRY: HES BEEN BUSY WORKING ON HIS NEXT INVENTION IN THE GARAGE..

MIKE: LETS GO SEE HIM...

MARRY: NO MIKE..HE DOESNT WANT US IN THERE...

MIKE: BUT..I..I..MISS HIM...

MIKE STARTS CRYING...

MARRY: OKAY..FINE

(TIME ELASP) THEY GET TO A DOOR WITH 3 LOCKS..

MARRY: I THINK I KNOW WHERE YOUR DAD HIDES HIS KEY..

MARRY OPENS THE FREEZER..SHE GRABS THE ROOF OF THE FREEZER AND PULLS OUT A KEY..SHE UNLOCKS THE DOORS..THE DOOR SLOWLY OPENS INSIDE IS A LAB..PETER IS WELDING SOMETHING IN THERE..ON THE WALL IN A GLASS CASE IS PROFESSOR LANCHESTERS OUTFIT, THERES 12 EMPTY BEER BOTTLES ON THE GROUND...MIKE AND MARRY LOOK AT THE OUTFIT..PETER STOPS WELDING...HE LOOKS OVER AT THEM...

PETER: CRAP..

MIKE: PROFESSOR...LANCHESTER...

PETER: (DRUNK) YOU DONT UNDERSTAND...EVERYTHING IVE DONE..HAS BEEN FOR THE TWO OF YOU,

MIKE: IM GOING TO FIND MR. WONDER AND HES GOING TO LOCK YOU AWAY!

MIKE RUNS AWAY AND OUT THE FRONT DOOR...PETER WALKS OVER TO MARRY

PETER: LISTEN I-

MARRY SLAPS PETER IN THE FACE...

MARRY RUNS TO MIKES ROOM...PETER FOLLOWS HER IN THERE...

PETER: HONEY...IM SOR-

MARRY: FUCK YOU..AND FUCK YOUR APPOLOGY..

PETER: I ONLY WEAR THAT WHEN WE NEED THE MONEY..I DONT DO IT BECAUSE I LIKE IT...IM GOOD AT IT..WHEN I WAS IN THE WAR..I WAS ON A TEAM OF ELITE SOLDIERS..AND..AND MAYBE I DO MISS THE THRILL..BUT I HAVE MADE US SO MUCH MONEY.. MIKE CAN GO TO COLLEGE NOW..  
AND IF HE HAS KIDS I HAVE ENOUGH TO PAY FOR THERE COLLEGE TOO!

MARRY LOOKS AT THE POSTER OF MR. WONDER...

MARRY: I HOPE MIKE FINDS HIM...AND HE DOES LOCK YOU AWAY...HES A REAL MAN..HE CAN PLEASE A WOMAN..YOU FAILURE

PETERS EYES TURNS BLOOD SHOT..HE GRABS A LAMP AND YANKS IT UNPLUGGING IT FROM THE SOCKET..PETER HITS MARRY IN THE FACE WITH IT, SHE FALLS TO THE GROUND..PETER RAPIDLY STARTS BASHING IN HER HEAD..BLOOD SPEWS ALL OVER THE WALL AND MR. WONDER POSTER..  
PETER GETS UP COVERED IN BLOOD..HE LOOKS AT THE MR. WONDER POSTER

PETER: TONIGHT..WE WILL SEE..WHO THE BETTER MAN IS...

PETER LEAVES THE ROOM..MARRY IS DEAD WITH HER HEAD CAVED IN, SURRONDED BY A POOL OF HER BLOOD

(IN THE CITY) 2 ARMED MEN IN SKI MASK EXIT A BANK WITH A SACK OF MONEY..THE ALARM IS GOING OFF... THEY RUN OFF...MR. WONDER FLIES DOWN..HE HOLDS OUT HIS ARM...THE ARMED MEN STOP AND POINT THERE GUNS AT HIM...

MR. WONDER: DONT YOU BOYS BE FOOLISH..IM GONNA KNOCK YOUR BLOCKS OFF IF YOU-

THE 2 ARMED MEN SHOOT HIM IN THE CHEST 6 TIMES A PIECE THE BULLETS FLY OFF HIS SKIN...MR. WONDERS SHIRT IS SHOT UP

WONDER: DAMN YOU...IMA CLOOBER YOU

MR. WONDER DISAPPEARS...HE REAPPEARS BEHIND THEM AND SMACKS THEM IN THE BACK..THEY FLY INTO A WALL... THERE KNOCKED OUT..

A WOMAN RUNS OVER...SHE GRABS HIS ARM...

WOMAN: HEY...NICE JOB MR. WONDER.. YOUR A REAL MAN..I-

A ENERGY BLAST SHOOTS THEM..MR WONDER FLIES INTO A CAR...HIS SHIRT IS BURNT UP...HE GETS UP...HE SEES THE WOMANS BODY IS BURNT TO A CRISP..MR. WONDER LOOKS OVER AND SEES PROFESSOR LANCHESTER WITH A LARGE GUN...

MR. WONDER: SO...YOUR BACK..

LANCHESTER: I AM...BUT THIS TIME..WE FIGHT TO THE DEATH..

MR. WONDER: WELL..IF YOU WANT ME TO I WILL GRANT YOU THAT...

MR. WONDER CHARGES AT LANCHESTER... LANCHESTER SHOOTS MR. WONDER IN THE CHEST WITH A ENERGY BLAST...MR. WONDER FLIES BACK ON THE GROUND...HE STRUGGLES TRYING TO GET UP...

MR. WONDER: ...WHAT IS THIS...FEELING?

LANCHESTER: ... PAIN...

MR. WONDER TRIES TO GET UP...

LANCHESTER: ITS TIME TO SEE WHO THE REAL MAN IS...

MR. WONDER: HAHAH...WHY ARE YOU SUCH A STICK IN THE MUD..PETER

LANCHESTER: YOU KNOW..WHO I AM?

MR. WONDER: YES...YOU THINK I CHOOSE TO SLEEP WITH YOUR WIFE BECAUSE OF THE WAY SHE LOOKED..NO..I DID IT JUST TO PISS YOU OFF..AND THE BEST PART WAS, WITH SUPER HEARING I HEARD YOU WATCHING ME..

LANCHESTER: GAAAAA GOD DAMN YOU!

LANCHESTER SHOOTS MR WONDER 5 TIMES, EACH TIME HE BREAKS DEEPER AND DEEPER IN THE CONCRETE...MR. WONDERS BODY IS COVERED IN BRUISES...

MR. WONDER: THIS PAIN...HOW DO PEOPLE DEAL WITH THIS!

LANCHESTER: WERE TOUGHER THEN YOU...WE CAN TAKE ALL THIS PAIN...AND COME BACK STRONGER...THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME FEELING IT

MR. WONDER: I CAN WORK THREW THIS...

MR. WONDER STANDS UP..HE WALKS TOWARDS PROFESSOR LANCHESTER SLOWLY...HIS BODY IS SHAKING...

LANCHESTER: HAHA OHH JUST REMEMBER...IT WAS A MAN THAT KILLED YOU...

MIKE RUNS TO THEM...

MIKE: NO! DAD DONT!

LANCHESTER LOOKS OVER AT MIKE...

LANCHESTER: MIKE?

MR. WONDER SHOOTS LAZER BEAMS INTO LANCHESTERS SKULL FRYING HIS SKULL...LANCHESTER DROPS THE GUN AND FALLS TO HIS KNEES...MR. WONDER KEEPS SHOOTING BEAMS INTO HIS SKULL...HIS HEAD CAVES IN AND HE DIES..HIS BODY FALLS TO THE GROUND...MIKE STARTS CRYING...

MIKE: DAD?

MR. WONDER FALLS TO HIS KNEES...

MR. WONDER: I AM...THE BETTER MAN...

(TIME ELASP) THE COPS AND AMBULANCES ARE THERE... 2 BODY BAGS GO IN THE BACK OF A AMBULANCE TRUCK...MIKE IS ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES CRYING... MR. WONDER IS COVERED IN BANDAGES..HE WALKS OVER TO MIKE..THE MAYOR WALKS OVER NEXT TO HIM...

MAYOR: WHOS THAT?

WONDER: THATS PROFESSOR LANCHESTERS SON...

MAYOR: WHAT SHOULD WE DO WITH HIM?

WONDER: THROW HIM IN A INSANE ASYLUM...HE WILL PROBABLY GROW UP TO BE A FREAK LIKE HIS DAD

MIKE LOOKS UP AT MR. WONDER WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES...

MIKE: ..MR. WONDER

MAYOR: WILL DO..

(PRESENT DAY) MIKE: I WAS THERE...FOR 10 YEARS...THEN THEY SHIPPED ME TO THE MILITARY...

CAP IS 60 FEET AWAY HES UNTIED AND IS ON A CELLPHONE

CAP: OKAY SO YOU GOT THE ADRESS...

VJ: (ON PHONE) IM ON MY WAY MAN?

MIKE: HEY HOW DID YOU GET FREE! AND MY PHONE

CAP: WELL YOU KEPT TELLING ME THIS BORING ASS STORY AND I HAD TIME TO GET FREE AND TAKE YOUR PHONE...

MIKE PUTS ON A GAS MASK

CAP: WHATS THAT FOR?

MIKE: HAHAHA

CAP: OH SHIT

MIKE PRESSES A RED BUTTON ON A WALL...SMOKE FILLS THE ROOM..CAP LOOKS AROUND..HE FALLS TO HIS KNEES...

CAP LOOKS AROUND... HE SEES THE MR. WONDER POSTER MIKE HAD AS A KID STILL COVERED IN BLOOD...

CAP: I SURE HOPE VJ HURRYS UP..

CAP PASSES OUT...

(VJS ROOM) VJ IS IN HIS BED HIS HEAD IS COVERED IN BRUISES..HE GETS OFF THE PHONE..VJ LEANS UP

VJ: I GUESS I BETTER GO SAVE CAPTAIN COOL

THE SONG WHISTLE STOP (ROBIN HOOD) BY RODGER MILLER STARTS PLAYING..VJ SLOWLY GETS UP...HE WALKS SLOWLY TO A SHIRT..HE LOOKS AT IT..HE DROPS IT..HE PICKS UP ANOTHER SHIRT..HE SCRATCHES HIS ASS..HE DROPS THE SHIRT... (TIME ELASP) VJ IS TAKING A SHIT AND TEXTING ON HIS PHONE... SONG STOPS

VJ: WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING?

(TIME ELASP) THE SONG STARTS BACKOVER VJ IS PLAYING VIDEO GAMES...(TIME ELASP) VJ IS READING A DEADPOOL COMIC...(TIME ELASP)  
VJ IS WATCHING PORN ON HIS PHONE AND JACKING OFF (TIME ELASP) VJ IS TAKING A SHIT WHILE TEXTING ON HIS PHONE...

VJ: I KNOW THERES SOMETHING IM FORGETING...SOMETHING..LIFE OR DEATH (SONG STOPS)

(IN THE BASEMENT) MIKE HITS CAP IN THE FACE WITH A CROWBAR...CAP FACE AND BODY IS COVERED IN BLOOD...CAPS TIED DOWN TO THE CHAIR AGAIN

MIKE: OHHH YEAH...I LOVE THE SMELL OF BLOOD!

CAP: ..I REALLY WISH VJ WAS HERE

(VJS IN HIS ROOM LOOKING AT A LONG MIRROR)

VJ: OH CRAP I REMEMBER THE LIFE AND DEATH SITUATION.. I NEED TO EXERCISE...OKAY, TIME FOR MY EXERCISE... UP

HE THROWS HIS HANDS UP

VJ: DOWN

HE TOUCHES HIS TOES AND HIS ASS SHOWS EVERY TIME

VJ: UP

HE THROWS HIS HANDS UP...(THE SONG UP DOWN TOUCH THE GROUND BY WINNIE THE POOH STARTS PLAYING AND VJ DOES THE MOTIONS)

VJ: WHEN I UP DOWN TOUCH THE GROUND ITS PUTS ME IN THE MOOD,UP DOWN TOUCH THE GROUND IN THE MOOD FOR FOOD.. I AM STOUT ROUND AND I HAVE FOUND SPEAKING POUNDAGE WISE, I IMPROVE MY APPETITE WHEN I EXERCISE

VJ BENDS OVER AND HIS PANTS RIP...

VJ: SHIT!

VJ TAKES HIS PANTS OFF...

VJ: WELL...I KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS...

(TIME ELASP) VJ IS IN HIS KITCHEN IN HIS UNDERWEAR... LOOKING IN HIS REFRIGERATOR

VJ: I AM SO FAT PROUD OF THAT, AND SO WITH ALL MY MIGHT, I UP DOWN UP DOWN TO MY APPETITES DELIGHT

VJ PULLS OUT A THING OF CHICKEN AND PUTS IT IN THE MICROWAVE

VJ: WHILE I UP DOWN TOUCH THE GROUND I THINK OF THINGS TO CHEW

(TIME ELASP) VJ FINISHES OFF THE CHICKEN...

VJ: WITH A HEFTY HEFTY APPETITE I A HAVE TO TAKE A HEFTY HEFTY POO!

VJ RUNS TO THE BATHROOM

SONG: WITH A HEFTY HEFTY APPETITE HE HAS TO TAKE A HEFTY HEFTY POO! (SONG ENDS)

(TIME ELASP) (BASEMENT) CAP WAKES UP IN THE CHAIR..MIKE IS SITTING IN A CHAIR..

MIKE: HAHAHA..HELL I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU...BUT YOU KEEP WAKING UP..YOUR A SURVIVOR...

CAP: WHY DONT YOU JUST KILL ME...MY HELPS NOT COMING...

MIKE: YOUR RIGHT...ITS TIME TO END THIS...

MIKE WALKS OVER TO THE RECORD PLAYER IF REMOVES THE RECORD..HE PUTS ANOTHER RECORD ON...HE PUTS DOWN THE NEEDLE...THE SONG PRETTY MARY SUNLIGHT BY JERRY REED STARTS PLAYING..

MIKE: YEAH PRETTY MARY SUNLIGHT SHES ALRIGHT WITH ME..PRETTY MARY SUNLIGHT SHES EVERYTHING I NEED!

MIKE HITS CAP IN THE KNEE WITH THE CROWBAR, CAP SCREAMS

MIKE: SOME PEOPLE SIT AROUND AND WATCH THE WORLD GO BY..THEY JUST DONT KNOW THE FUN THERE MISSIN

MIKE HITS CAP IN THE FACE WITH THE CROWBAR CAP SPITS UP BLOOD ON THE MR WONDER POSTER...MIKE GRABS CAP BY HIS SHIRT AND LIFTS THE CROWBAR UP HIGH

MIKE: PEOPLE SEE ME HAPPY AND THEY SOMETIMES ASK ME WHY..I TELL THEM GIRLS WERE MADE FOR KISSIN...BUT I DONT NEED TO LOOK AROUND CAUSE IM IN HEAVEN SINCE I FOUND MY

MIKE HITS CAP ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD, BLOOD GUSHES OUT CAP AND THE CHAIR FALL TO THE GROUND..  
CAPS (POV) EVERYTHING GOES BLURRY AND THERES A RINGING SOUND..MIKE STANDS OVER CAP

MIKE: PRETTY MARY SUNLIGHT..SHES ALRIGHT WITH ME.. PRETTY MARY SUNLIGHT SHES EVERYTHING I NEED

BACK TO NORMAL VIEW AND THE RINGING STOPS...

MIKE: PRETTY MARY SUNLIGHT SHE TURNS THE NIGHT TO DAY! PRETTY MARY SUNLIGHT DONT EVER GO AWAY!

MIKE RUBS THE CROWBAR ON CAPS FACE..

MIKE: SOME PEOPLE SPEND THEIR WHOLE LIVES CHASIN AFTER DREAMS..DREAMS I GUESS THEY WILL NEVER BELEIVE IN..PLAYING FOOLISH GAMES INVESTING FAIRY TALES AND SCHEMES..BUILDING FANTASIES THAT WILL DECEIVE THEM..

MIKE SMILES HE LIFTS HIS CROWBAR UP IN THE AIR

MIKE: BUT I DONT NEED TO LOOK AROUND, CAUSE IM IN HEAVEN SINCE I FOUND MY-

THE SIN EATER CRASHES THREW THE ROOF OF THE BASEMENT HITTING MIKE, KNOCKING HIM INTO THE TABLE WITH THE RECORD TABLE, IT FALLS AND SHATTERS OVER HIS HEAD (SONG ENDS) ...HIS HEAD IS BLOODY...VJ GETS OUT OF THE SIN EATER...

VJ: OHH SHIT! OHH MAN...I WAS GOING WAY TO FAST!

CAP: UNDER HERE...

VJ LOOKS UNDER THE SIN EATER..HE SEES CAPS BLOODY BODY..

VJ: HOW ARE YOU ALIVE..

CAP: I GUESS THE CAR DROVE OVER ME..GOOD THING I WAS ALREADY ON THE GROUND OR I WOULD BE DEAD...

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS UNTIED HE LOOKS OVER AND MIKE IN MAINTENANCE IS GONE..

CAP: SHIT LETS GO GET-

CAP FALLS TO HIS KNEES..

VJ: LETS GET YOU HOME BUDDY..

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS IN THE PASSENGER SEAT OF THE SIN EATER ASLEEP...THE CAR STOPS...VJ SHAKES CAP..

VJ: CAPTAIN...WAKE UP! WERE HERE

CAP WAKES UP

CAP: THE HOSPITAL?

HERE AT THE CHINESE BUFFET..

CAP: DA FUCK ARE WE DOIN HERE

VJ: ..BUT..I FIGURED WE COULD GET SOME FOOD ON THE WAY...

CAP: IM REALLY IN A LOT OF PAIN...

(TIME ELASP) THE TWO OF THEM ARE SITTING IN THE REASTRAUNT...VJ IS EATING FOOD REALLY FAST...CAP IS PASSED OUT IN TH SEAT...

VJ: HEY..WAKE UP..

VJ POKES CAP WITH THE FORK...

VJ: WAKE UP...

VJ GOES BACK TO EATING..

MR. WANGS HEAD POKES UP BEHIND A TABLE A FEW TABLES BACK...

WANG: OHH GOM GOM GOM OHHHH IVE EATEN ONRY 40 PRATES... GUESS I GO BACK FOR MORE NOW..

VJS EYES GETS BIG..HE TURNS BACK TO LOOK AT WANG BUT HES GONE...VJ LOOKS BACK AND HE GOES BACK TO NORMAL...WANGS HEAD POKES UP BEHIND VJS HEAD..

WANG: NOM NOM IM SURE GRAD NO ONE ELSE IS HUNGRY..BECAUSE I SURE NOT REAVE THEM ANY!

VJ TURNS AROUND

VJ: SHUT UP!

WANG IS GONE...VJ TURNS RED...

WANG: OHH NO NEED KILL THE CHICKEN JUST BRING IT TO MY PRATE.. IT FASTER THAT WAY

VJ STARTS TO SHAKE

WANG: OHHH FORTUNE COOKIE SAY...GET THE FUCK OUT

VJ: SHUT UP!

VJ TURNS AROUND AND WANG IS GONE...VJ LOOKS BACK...MR. WANG WALKS AROUND THE CORNER

WANG: OHHH WHY YOU SCREAMING...YANG DO SOMETHING STUPID..YANG

WANG LOOKS OVER AT YANG...

WANG: YANG YOU DO SOMETHING STUPID

YANG: OHH NO..

WANG: OHH SEE NOO...

WANG WALKS OFF..

VJ: ASSHOLE..

VJ GOES BACK TO EATING...

WANG HEAD POKES UP FROM BEHIND THE REGISTER...

WANG: OHHH HIS SHITS MUST BE AS BIG AS GODZIRRA...OHH ROOK ITS GODZIRRA..OH NO STEVE THATS NOT GODZIRRA THATS BIG BOYS POO!

VJ STARTS SHAKING AND HIS EYES TURN TO FIRE

WANG: OHH IM BIG BOYS FRIEND..I LIKE TO BREED EVERYWHERE...IM ALL COVERED IN BROOD...AND LEAVE BROOD TRAIL TO TABLE...OH I DONT CARE ABOUT MAKING MESSES

VJ DRINKS SOME OF HIS DRINK...

WANG: OHHH BETTER WASH THIS DOWN.. GOD FORBID THE ENTIRE COW I JUST PUT IN MY MOUTH DOESNT HAVE SOMETHING TO DRINK

VJ: ALRIGHT IM LEAVING

WANG: OHH DID I PIG FRY?

WANG STANDS UP AT THE REGISTERS

CAP: HUH

VJ: YOU READY..

CAP SLOWLY GETS UP..THEY WALK TO THE REGISTER...

VJ: JUST PAY HIM SO WE CAN LEAVE

CAP: WAIT..YOU DONT HAVE ANY MONEY?

VJ: NO...I WILL SPOT YOU NEXT TIME BRO

CAP: GRRRR...

CAP HANDS WANG HIS DEBT CARD

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS ASLEEP IN HIS BED..ALL THE BLOOD IS GONE BUT HES COVERED IN BANDAGES AND BRUISES...ON HIS WALL IS THE NOTE VICKIE LEFT FOR HIM AT THE SMOOTHIE BAR...

(IN ALEJANDROS ROOM) JESSICA AND ALEJANDRO ARE IN BED..JESSICA IS ASLEEP..ALEJANDRO IS STARING OUT AT THE WALL...

(FLASH BACK) AT THE PAINTBALL FIELD.. UVU TRIES TO PUSH VJ OFF BUT HE CANT..ALEJANDRO WALKS OVER UVU...UVU LOOKS AT ALEJANDRO...ALEJANDRO LOOKS DOWN AND HIT BOOTS AND SMILES..

UVU: YOU BETTER DO IT..BECAUSE..IF YOU DONT..ILL KILL YOU..THEN THE FAT ONE..THEN THE OTHERS..AND THEN JESSICA

ALEJANDRO: ..HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT-

UVU: MIKE IN MAINTENANCE MADE US READ BIOS ON ALL OF YOU..IM GOING TO SNAP JESSICAS NECK LIKE A TWIG

ALEJANDRO KICKS UVU IN THE MOUTH..HE SPITS OUT BLOOD..ALEJANDRO STARTS STOMPING ON UVUS HEAD..BLOOD STARTS SPLATTERING OUT OF UVUS FACE..HE STOPS..  
UVUS HEAD IS CAVED IN...

ALEJANDRO STARTS CRYING..

ALEJANDRO: NO..NO NO...

(PRESENT) JESSICA WAKES UP..SHE LOOKS AT ALEJANDRO..

JESSICA: HEY..YOU OKAY?

ALEJANDRO: ..I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT I DID...

JESSICA: YOU DID WHAT YOU HAD TO DO..HE WAS BROUGHT THERE TO KILL YOU..YOU DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE..

ALEJANDRO: YA..I GUESS

JESSICA: YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS..YOU CAN EITHER LET THIS EAT YOU UP INSIDE..OR LEARN TO LIVE WITH THIS, JUST ACCEPT IT..

ALEJANDRO: OKAY YOUR RIGHT.. IM GOING TO BE A NEW ALEJANDRO

(TIME ELASP) 2 WEEKS LATER..CAP IS AT MAGIC MART PUSHING A DUSTMOP...HE RUNS INTO BRENT...

BRENT: HEY CAPTAIN COOL..YOU HAVE A GOOD 2 WEEKS OFF...

CAP: UHH HEY...BRENT...HOW ARE

BRENT: HEY...WHERE DO PIGS GO ON WEEKENDS?

CAP: ...A PIGPIN?

BRENT: PIGNICS

CAP THE ALIEN INSIDE BRENTS CHEST STRECHES OUT IT GROWLS AT CAP...

CAP: (NERVOUS) HAHAHA GOT TO GO!

CAP RUNS OFF... (TIME ELASP) CAP IS WALKING IN ELECTRONICS...HE WALKS BY THE ELECTRONIC COUNTER..KENNETH IS LYING THERE AS GRAPE BOY PICKS GRAPES OFF AND FEEDS IT TO HIM..KENNETH LAUGHS AND CLAPS AS HE DOES IT...

CAP: EVERYONE IN THIS STORE IS CRAZY

ALEJANDRO APPEARS BEHIND CAP

ALEJANDRO: HEY MAN!

CAP: AHH OH HEY DUDE...

KENNETH LOOKS OVER AND SEES THEM..HE GETS UP... AND WALKS TO THEM...

KENNETH: AHH CAPTAIN COOL AND ALEJANDRO..I SEE YOU TWO ARE BACK FROM YOUR..INJURIES..I HEARD ABOUT THAT...

CAP: YEAH...ITS ALL BECAUSE OF MIKE IN MAINTEANANCE..IF I EVER FIND HIM ILL KILL HIM!

KENNETH: HES RIGHT THERE

KENNETH POINTS TO MIKE IN MAINTENANCE, HES ON THE SCRUBBER FLIPPING CAPTAIN COOL OFF...

CAP: GRRRRR! GO TO HELL YOU BASTARD!

KENNETH: MORE IMPORTANLY ME! I HEARD ABOUT YOU GUYS FIGHTING AT THE PAINTBALL FIELD...YOU GUYS SEEM STRONG..NOT AS STRONG AS ME OF COURSE HAHA

ALEJANDRO: BULL SHIT!

KENNETH: I WAS IN THE WORLD MILITARY THANK YOU!

CAP: GET TO THE POINT

KENNETH: ANYWAYS I GOT TO DO THE BIGGEST MODELING COMPETITION OF MY CAREER...THE ONE THAT WILL MAKE MY DREAM COME TRUE..  
BUT ITS IN A SKETCHY NEIGHBORHOOD..AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU GUYS WOULD BE MY BODYGUARDS...IVE ALREADY GOT ONE OTHER GUY TO DO IT..

CAP: YOU NEED 3 BODY GAURDS..WHAT IS THE NEIGHBORHOOD IN HELL

KENNETH: NO..ITS TURKEY CREEK..

CAP: THATS ONE OF THE NICEST AREAS IN THE CITY

KENNETH: UGG I SAW A HOMELESS PERSON THERE AND HE ALMOST BUMPED INTO ME...TO BE HONEST THE ONLY REASON IM GETTING THREE BODYGUARDS IS BECAUSE MY RIVAL HAS THREE...SO IM TOLD...

ALEJANDRO: WHATS IN IT FOR US...

KENNETH HOLDS OUT 2 AUTOGRAPH PICTURES OF HIM..

ALEJANDRO: AUTOGRAPHS?

KENNETH: ALSO THE PLACE WILL BE FILLED WITH HOT MODELS..

CAP: YEAHH I GUESS

ALEJANDRO: HECK YEAH IM IN

CAP: I STILL GET THE PICTURE TO RIGHT?

(TIME ELASP) CAP WALKS DOWN THE STREET...HE HAS ON A FANCY WHITE BUTTON UP SHIRT BLACK SHORTS AND RIDDLER CONVERSE...  
CAP: LOOKIN SMOOTH...

HE SEES ALEJANDRO AND KENNETH WALK UP TO HIM.. ALEJANDRO IS WEARING A BLACK T-SHIRT WITH A CRADEL OF FILTH ALBULM COVER...

ALEJANDRO: HEY MAN!

KENNETH: AHH CAPTAIN COOL! YOU HAVE ARRIVED!

CAP: I HAVE..

KENNETH: THE 3RD GUY AND GRAPE BOY ARE ALREADY INSIDE..

(TIME ELASP) INSIDE A GIANT FANCY BUILIDNG...THERE IS ALOT OF PEOPLE INSIDE, A DJ A BAR AND A RUNWAY ...

GRAPE BOY AND VJ WALKS TOWARDS THEM, VJ IS WEARING SUNGLASSES...

CAP: VJ!?

VJ: YEAH..IM A BODYGUARD TOO MAN...

CAP: YOU REALLY DO KNOW EVERYONE

VJ: KENNETHS MY COUSIN

CAPS FACE TURNS PALE...

CAP: NO WAY!

CAP GOES BACK TO NORMAL

KENNETH: OKAY..THIS IS IT..MY DREAM CAN BE MEET HERE...THE WINNER GETS THE TITAL OF THE WORLDS MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN...

ALEJANDRO: OH JESUS THATS WHAT YOUR EGO NEEDS...

KENNETH: THERES ONE PERSON WHO STANDS IN MY WAY...FANCY PANTS

(IN A BACKSTAGE ROOM) THERES 3 GUYS ON A COUCH..THERES SOMEONE SITTING IN THE CHAIR...

GUY IN CHAIR: UHHH THAT KENNETH BRANNER..HES ALWAYS IN MY WAY...AND THATS WHY YOU THREE ARE HERE..YOU BETTER HELP ME WIN!

THE GUY IN THE CHAIR IS FANCY PANTS, HES 6FT 3 SHORT BLONDE HAIR HES MUSCULAR BUILD, HE HAS WORK PANTS NO SHIRT, THERES 3 GUYS ON THE COUCH..THE 1ST GUY IS A VERY MUSCULAR BLACK GUY WITH SHORT HAIR A RED BUTTON UP SHIRT..HES ANTON AGE 37...ONE IS A CHUBBY MAN WITH LONG HAIR HE HAS WHITE PANTS BLACK T SHIRT..HES HOLDING A CHAIN POCKET WATCH HES MR. MEADOW, AND THE LAST GUY IS 7FT TALL MUSCULAR MAN WITH A BEARD, HES BARON...

FANCY PANTS: UHHH I WISH I KNEW WHAT THAT DINOSAUR KENNETH WAS UP TO...

MR. MEADOWS LEANS UP...

MR. MEADOWS: YOU SEEK A ANSWER..WHICH I HAVE..

MR. MEADOWS DANGLES HIS WATCH AND SPINS IT AROUND..IT TURNS INTO A BLUE BALL..INSIDE THE BALL YOU CAN SEE KENNETH AND THE GANG

MR. MEADOWS: I CAN TELL...THEY ARE A SPECIAL GROUP OF PEOPLE... I CAN FELL THERE SOULS..HAHA I SENSE EVIL IN ONE OF THEM HAHAHA

FANCY PANTS: HOW DO I WIN..FREAK..

MEADOWS CHANGES THE ORB BACK TO A WATCH AND HE PUTS IT IN HIS SLEEVE...

MEADOWS: HMMM.. YOU KNOW..I WOULD KILL YOU..BUT I FEEL YOUR LIFE FORCE DOESNT HAVE MUCH LONGER...

FANCY: YOUR AN IDIOT...NOT WORTH THE 10 GRAND I SPENT ON YOU!

MEADOW: HAHA BYE

MEADOWS BURST INTO FLAMES AND DISAPPEARS...BARON CHUGS A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY...BARON GETS UP..

BARON: (GERMAN) OKAY..YOU WANT ME TO KICK THERE ASS...

FANCY PANTS: NO..YOUR MOSTLY FOR SHOW

BARON SHATTERS THE BOTTLE WITH HIS HAND..

BARON: (GERMAN) I AM NO MANS TROPHEY..IM LEAVING

BARON LEAVES...FANCY PANTS LOOKS AT ANTON

FANCY PANTS: YOU LEAVING TOO?

ANTON: ...NO..I AGREED TO BE YOUR BODYGUARD...AND IM GOING TO COMPLETE MY JOB..

FANCY PANTS: WELL! IM GLAD ONE OF YOU IS PROFESSIONAL

(SHOWROOM FLOOR) THE GROUP IS LOOKING AROUND..A FAT WOMAN WALKS UP BEHIND CAPTAIN COOL..SHE LOOKS DOWN AND SEES HIS CALF MUSCLES..HER EYES GET BIG

GIRL: HOT DAMN!

THE GROUP TURNS TO LOOK AT HER..

ALEJANDRO: YEAH HES A DUMBASS AINT HE

GIRL: HIS CALF MUSCLES ARE AMAZING...

CAP LOOKS BACK AT HIS CALF MUSCLES..HIS EYES GET BIG

CAP: HOLY SHIT HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THAT!

KENNETH: YOU HAVE MY FACE OF THE CALF MUSCLES

CAP LOOKS BACK AT KENNETH..HIS EYES ARE WATERING

CAP: YOU REALLY MEAN THAT...

KENNETH: I DO

CAP: THANKS BUD...

KENNETH: NOW LETS WIN THIS THING...

(TIME ELASP) 10 MEN ARE IN A BACK ROOM..FANCY PANTS AND KENNETH ARE ONE OF THEM, THE OTHERS ARE REALLY GOOD LOOKING GUYS...

FANCY PANTS WALKS OVER TO KENNETH...

FANCY PANTS: ONLY ONE OF US..CAN BE THE WORLDS MOST BEAUTIFUAL PERSON..AND ITS GOING TO BE ME!

KENNETH: LISTEN FANCY PANTS..YOU MAY HAVE NICE PANTS..BUT MY WHOLE BODY.. IS PERFECT!

FANCY PANTS: WE'LL SEE

(SHOW ROOM FLOOR) A GUY WALKS OUT ON STAGE..HE HAS CRAZY SPIKEY HAIR BLUE SUNGLASSES, A WHITE BUTTON UP SHIRT WITH A FANCY WHITE JACKET OVER IT AND A STAR TATTOO ON HIS LEFT HAND HES SILVER STAR...THE CROWD CHEERS AS HE WALKS ON STAGE

STAR: HELLO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN..I AM YOUR HOST! THE FAMOUS ROCK LEGEND! SILVER STAR!

THE CROWD CHEERS..

STAR: TONIGHT..WE FIND OUT WHO THE WORLDS SEXIEST MAN IS..WE NARROWED IT DOWN TO 10 MEN...LETS TAKE A LOOK

ALL 10 MEN WALK ON STAGE

STAR: HERES HOW THIS WILL WORK..EACH MAN WILL GET 2 MINIUTES TO SHOW THERE STUFF..OUR JUDGES WILL PICK 2..AND THOSE 2 WILL GET ANOTHER CHANCE TO SHOW WHOS THE SEXIEST..AND THEN THE JUDGES WILL PICK A WINNER FROM THERE...OHH ARE WE READY TO ROCK!

THE CROWD CHEERS...

STAR: THEN LETS BRING THEM OUT...

THE SONG SCATMUSIC BY SCATMAN JOHN STARTS PLAYING... THE 10 SEXY MEN STEP OUT ON STAGE... THEY START SHOWING OFF...KENNETH AND FANCY PANTS ARE UP FRONT OF THEM...THEY FLEX...

CAP: I HOPE THIS ISNT 3 HOURS OF LOOKING AT MENS JUNK

(3 HOURS LATER) VJ: WEVE BEEN LOOKING AT MENS JUNK FOR 3 HOURS CAPTAIN COOL..ARE WE GAY

CAP: ...ASK ME IN THE MORNING..

SILVER STAR WALKS OUT ON STAGE...(SONG STOPS)

SILVER STAR: ALRIGHT...NOW..ITS TIME TO LEARN WHO ARE TWO FINALIST ARE...

SILVER STAR OPENS A ENVALOPE...

SILVER STAR: OKAY..AND THEY ARE...KENNETH BRANNER AND FANCY PANTS!

(THE CROWD GOES WILD) CAP AND THE CREW CHEER... A FEW FEET BEHIND THEM IS ANTON..HES WATCHING THE STAGE...

SILVER STAR: OKAY..NOW FOR OUR LAST TWO PERFORMANCES...FIRST UP..FANCY PANTS...

THE LIGHTS GO OUT...A SMALL LIGHT SHINES DOWN ON FANCY PANTS LOOKING AT THE GROUND...THE SONG TOXIC BY BRITTNEY SPEARS COMES ON... HE LOOKS UP AT THE CROWD..HE STARTS DANCEING WITH THE MUSIC...

CAP: IS THIS A MODELING SHOW OR A STRIP CLUB..

VJ: (CRYING) AM I GAY!? I WATCHED A DUDES BALLS FALL OUT OF HIS THONG EARLIER...

FANCY PANTS BASEBALL SLIDES ON STAGE..HE STARTS HOPPING UP AND DOWN AND HE JUMPS BACK UP..THE GIRLS SCREAM.. HE TURNS AROUND AND LOOKS BACK AT THE GIRLS AND SMILE..THEY SCREAM..FANCY PANTS STARTS TO DANCE..HIS PANTS START SPARKLING

VJ: CAPTAIN COOL..I NEED TO KNOW...AM I SUCKING HIS DICK LATER!

CAP PULLS OUT HIS PHONE.. HE TYPES SOMETHING IN..HE SHOWS THE PHONE TO VJ..ITS A PICTURE OF A FAT WHITE GIRLS ASS..

VJ: DAMMNN! IM STRAIGHT AS FUCK! THANKS CAPTAIN COOL

CAP: SHUT UP

FANCY PANTS PUTS HIS HANDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD HE WALKS BACKWARDS..HE DROPS TO HIS KNEES AND LOOKS AT THE CELLING..  
WATER SPLASHES DOWN ON HIM AND THE SONG ENDS...CROWD STARTS CLAPPING..SILVER STAR WALKS OUT ON STAGE...HE CLAPS ALONG WITH THEM...SILVER STAR HOLDS UP HIS MICROPHONE...FANCY PANTS GETS UP...

SILVER: THAT WAS AWESOME..KENNETH HAS HIS WORK CUT OUT FOR HIM TONIGHT...HOW DO YOU FEEL FANCY PANTS...

FANCY: I FEEL LIKE A MILLION BUCKS..AND I THINK I KILLED IT..SO I HOPE THAT BITCH KEENTH FUCKING SHITS HIMSELF TONIGHT..

SILVER: OHH OKAY THEN...

FANCY PANTS LEAVES THE STAGE...

SILVER: WELL...LETS SEE IF HE SHITS HIMSELF..ITS KENNETH BRANER

THE LIGHTS GO OUT...A RED LIGHT SHINES DOWN ON A RONAN SAMURAI ON STAGE...THE SONG RISING SUN BY CFO$ STARTS PLAYING..  
THE SAMURAI WALKS ACROSS THE STAGE...HE GETS TO THE EDGE OF THE STAGE... WHEN THE SONG STOPS AND STARTS BACK AGAIN..THE SAMURAI OUTFIT SHATTERS AND KENNETH IS UNDERNEATH IT WEARING NOTHING BUT A JAPANESE LOINCLOTH..HE STARTS DOING ACROBATIC DANCES...THE STAGE IS COVERED IN RED MIST...HE DANCES AROUND THE STAGE..EVERYONES JAWS ARE DROPPED... KENNETH DOES A JAPANESE TRADITIONAL DANCE... HE THROWS HIS HANDS UP IN THE AIR AND THE SONG STOPS...THE LIGHTS GO BACK TO NORMAL...THE CROWD GOES WILD...

CROWD: KENNETH! KENNETH! KENNETH!

SILVER STAR COMES ON STAGE...

SILVER: KENNETH...THAT WAS AWESOME...HOW DO YOU FEEL

KENNETH: LIKE MY DREAM..IS FINALLY ABOUT TO COME TRUE...

SILVER: ALRIGHT...FANCY PANTS..PLEASE COME ON STAGE...

FANCY PANTS WALKS OUT ON STAGE...

SILVER STAR HOLDS HIS HANDS UP..A ENVELOPE DROPS IN HIS HANDS

SILVER STAR: HELL YEAH..

SILVER STAR OPENS IT UP

SILVER: AND..THE WINNER..OF THIS SHOW..THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE..KENNETH BRANNER

THE CROWD GOES WILD...KENNETH DROPS TO HIS KNEES CRYING..GRAPE BOY RUNS UP ON STAGE..KENNETH PUSHES HIM DOWN OFF THE STAGE

KENNETH JUMPS UP...HE SMILES... FANCY PANTS ROUND HOUSE KICKS KENNETH OFF THE STAGE AND THREW A WALL...FANCY PANTS SHOOTS AN ENERGY BLAST UP AT THE CELLING...THE CELLING BLOWS UP...FANCY PANTS FLIES UP IN THE SKY..HE LIFTS HIS HANDS UP IN THE SKY BLACK ELECTRICTY STARTS TO COME OUT OF FROM HIS HANDS...IT CREATES A LARGE BLACK ENERGY BALL

FANCY: TIME FOR MY FAMOUS ATTACK... DEATHS END

CAP, ALEJANDRO, AND VJ JUMP ON STAGE

VJ: GET DOWN HERE SO WE CAN KICK YOUR ASS...

ANTON JUMPS ON STAGE WITH THEM...

ANTON: YOU HAFT TO GO THREW ME FIRST...

CAP: WE CAN TAKE ON THIS GUY, THEN WE DEFEAT FANCY PANTS

ANTON: NOT GONNA HAPPEN..

VJ CHARGES AT ANTON..ANTON JUMPS OVER VJ.. ALEJANDRO GRABS ANTON..ANTON BREAKS FREE AND GRABS ALEJANDRO AND DOES A BELLY 2 BELLY..ANTON GETS UP...CAP JUMPS UP AND KICKS AT ANTONS HEAD..ANTON GRABS CAPS LEG AND THROWS HIM DOWN ON THE GROUND..  
ANTON STILL HOLDING CAPS LEG...

CAP: CALF BREAK

CAP FLEXES HIS CALF MUSCLES, ANTONS HANDS LOOSES ITS GRIP..

ANTON: NICE CAL-

VJ JUMPS OVER CAP AND TACKLES ANTON TO THE GROUND..VJ PUNCHES ANTON IN THE MOUTH..ANTON PUSHES VJ IN THE STOMACHE..VJ FLIES UP IN THE AIR..ANTON ROLLS OVER AND GETS UP..VJ FLIES BACK DOWN..AS HE DOES ANTON KICKS VJ AND HE FLIES INTO THE CROWD...  
ALEJANDRO PUTS ANTON IN A FULL NELSON...ANTON STRUGGLES..CAP JUMPS IN FRONT OF ANTON..HE PULLS OUT A TACK

CAP: TACK ATTACK!

CAP FLICKS A TACK IN ANTONS EYE..HE SCREAMS..ALEJANDRO PUSHES ANTON

CAP: ROCK EM SOCK EM UPPER CUT

CAP UPPERCUTS ANTON AND HE FLIES TO THE GROUND...

CAP: DUDE! DID YOU SEE THAT! I-

ANTON KICKS CAP IN THE BALLS..CAP STUMBLES OFF THE STAGE..ALEJANDRO KICKS DOWN AT ANTONS HEAD..ANTON GRABS HIS FOOT...HE LEG SWEEPS ALEJANDRO HE FALLS...ANTON GETS UP..HE GRABS ALEJANDROS LEG AND FLINGS HIM INTO THE CROWD...ANTON SMILES...  
VJ IS BEHIND HIM...

VJ: OHH..YOU THINK YOUR HOT SHIT..JUST BECAUSE YOUR BIG AND BLACK...WELL..IM BIGGER..NOT BLACKER..BUT IM BIGGER

ANTON TURNS AROUND

ANTON: DO YOU GOT A POINT?

VJ: YA..IMA KICK YO ASS

VJ CHARGES AT ANTON..THEY LOCK UP...ANTON STARTS PUSHING VJ BACKWARDS..ANTON SMILES..SO DOES VJ

ANTON: ..WHAT

CAP IS BEHIND VJ..HE CHARGES AT THEM

CAP: TACK ATTACK!

CAP JUMPS ON VJS BACK..HE FLICKS A TACK IN EACH HAND INTO BOTH OF ANTONS EYES..ANTON SCREAMS...VJ PUSHES ANTON BACK..VJ KNEES ANTON IN THE STOMACHE..HE THROWS HIM UP IN A POWER BOMB..HE THROWS HIM DOWN INTO THE CROWD SHATTERING A TABLE..

THE CROWD GOES WILD..CAP AND VJ HIGH FIVE EACH OTHER

CAP: NOW WE JUST NEED TO DEFEAT FANCY-

THEY BOTH LOOKS UP...FANCY PANTS HAS A GIANT BLACK ENERGY BALL...THATS THE SIZE OF A BUILDING...

FANCY: OH HEY BOYS...WHEN YOU REACH HELL..TELL KENNETH..CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING THE SEXIEST MAN..IN HELL

KENNETH WALKS UP ON STAGE...KENNETH STILL WEARING THE LOINCLOTH

CAP: EWW..YET YUM

KENNETH: ILL HANDLE THIS YOU GUYS

VJ: HOW?

KENNETH: HEY..I TOLD YOU GUYS I WAS IN THE WORLD MILITARY..

FANCY PANTS: DEATHS END!

FANCY PANTS THROWS THE BALL..KENNETH JUMPS UP IN THE AIR..HE GRABS THE BALL...HE PUSHES IT BACK..

FANCY: NO NO NOOOOOO!

THE BALL HITS FANCY PANTS AND HE DISINTEGRATES...THE BALL EXPLODES IN THE SKY..KENNETH LANDS DOWN...

KENNETH: HECK YA

SILVER STAR WALKS ON STAGE WITH A GOLDEN TROPHY AND HANDS IT TO HIM..KENNETH HOLDS UP THE TROPHY IN THE AIR..CAP, ALEJANDRO,  
AND VJ THROW HIM UP ON THERE SHOULDERS... (TIME ELASP) THERE ALL OUTSIDE TALKING TO COPS..2 COPS PUT ANTON IN THE BACK OF A SQUAD CAR... 2 COPS WALK UP TO CAPTAIN COOL...ONE HAS CURLY BROWN HAIR DARK SUNGLASSES HES OFFICER MCBRIDE THE OTHER HAS BLACK HAIR DARK SUNGLASSES AND A MUSTACHE..HE OFFICER MCGROOM... THEY WALK OVER TO VJ..

MCBRIDE: HEY WHATS GOING ON HERE...

VJ: WE SAVED THE DAY..

MCBRIDE: ILL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT

A COP WALKS OVER TO MCBRIDE

COP: THEY KIND OF DID..THAT EXPLOSION WOULD HAVE DESTROYED A CITY BLOCK...

MCBRIDE: OKAY...SO WE LOOKED AT THE CASE...AND...LOOKS LIKE YOU DID..

MCGROOM: BUT ONLY BECAUSE WE WERNT THERE

MCBRIDE: YEAH..BECAUSE IF WE WERE...WE WOULD HAVE KICKED THERE ASS...

VJ: YOU KNOW..I ONLY CAME TO THIS...BECAUSE KENNETH SAID THERE WOULD BE HOT GIRLS THERE...BUT THE ONLY HOT GIRL I SAW WAS ON CAPTAIN COOLS PHONE...

MCBRIDE: REALLY..

(TIME ELASP) MCBRIDE AND MCGROOM ARE IN FRONT OF CAPTAIN COOL

MCGROOM: CAN WE SEE IT

CAP: WHAT?

MCBRIDE: YOU KNOW

CAP: NO..IM..I WAS A BODYGUARD IM NOT GAY

MCBRIDE: NO! THAT GUY SAID THERE WAS THIS HOT GIRL ON YOUR PHONE...

CAP: A WHAT..OH...OH THAT

CAP PULLS OUT HIS PHONE..HE TYPES SOMETHING IN...CAP SHOWS THEM HIS PHONE AND THE PICTURE OF THE GIRL...

CAP: HERE IT IS..

MCGROOM: NICE

MCBRIDE: CAN YOU SEND ME THAT?

CAP: ITS THE INTERNET...THERES BILLIONS OF NAKED GIRLS ON THERE...

MCBRIDE: ...THEY ALL LOOK LIKE THAT?

CAP: SOME..HOW AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS WHAT PORN IS

MCGROOM: HORN?

CAP: PORN...HERE...HERES MY NUMBER...

MCGROOM AND MCBRIDE PULL OUT THERE PHONES..THEY TYPE IN HIS NUMBER...THEY BOTH SEND HIM A TEXT.. SAYING BUTT

CAP: REALLY..BOTH OF YOU SAID BUTT

CAP SENDS THE PICTURE TO BOTH OF THEM...

MCGROOM: SWEET...

MCBRIDE: AWWW YEAHH

A FAT BLACK MAN WALKS OVER TO THEM...HES CAPTAIN RILEY

MCBRIDE: HEY CAPTAIN..CAN WE GO HOME EARLY

CAPTAIN: WHY?

MCGROOM: TO LOOK AT THIS

THEY SHOW THE CAPTAIN THE PICTURE..

CAPTAIN: DAAAMN! IM STRAIGHT AS FUCK...BUT NO..LOOK AT PORN ON YOUR OWN TIME

THE CAPTAIN WALKS AWAY...

MCBRIDE: GUESS WE BETTER GET IN THE SQUAD CAR AND..PATROL THE CITY...

THEY WALK AWAY...

MCGROOM: BACK TO BACK..

MCBRIDE: YUP.

(TIME ELASP) 4 DAYS LATER... CAP IS PUSHING A BATHROOM CART..HE GOES INTO THE WOMENS BATHROOM.. HE GOES INSIDE...THERES PAPER EVERYWHERE...

CAP: JESUS CHRIST...ITS LIKE WOLVES LIVE IN HERE... KENNETH AND ALEJANDRO APPEAR BEHIND THEM...

ALEJANDRO: HEY MAN!

CAP: AHHHH!

CAP TURNS AROUND..

CAP: WHAT?

KENNETH: DID YOU HEAR THE BIG NEWS..TOMORROW..THERE HOSTING A FIGHT CLUB IN THE BASEMENT..

CAP: THIS PLACE HAS A BASEMENT

KENNETH: APPARENTLY..AND THE WINNER..WILL GET ONE WEEKS PAYED VACATION..

CAP: SIGN ME UP!

(TIME ELASP) NEXT DAY, CAP, KENNETH, ALEJANDRO, AND GRAPE BOY WALK DOWN IN A SPOOKY BASEMENT..THEY GET TO A GIANT WOODEN DOOR WITH TORCHES ON EACH SIDE...

KENNETH: I GUESS THIS IS IT...

ALEJANDRO OPENS THE DOORS...INSIDE IS A LARGE UNDERGROUND ARENA WITH A CAGED CIRCLE IN THE MIDDLE...UP IN THE RAFTERS IS GEORGE...

(TIME ELASP) KENNETH GRAPE BOY AND ALEJANDRO ARE IN THE FRONT ROW OF THE PACKED ARENA... GEORGE STANDS UP...

GEORGE: LISTEN UP..I THREW THIS TOURNAMENT TOGETHER TO SEE WHOS STRONGEST OF US..IVE GATHERED 8 PEOPLE OF MAGIC MART STAFF TO BEAT THE HOLY SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER HAHAHA! THE RULES..2 FIGHTERS WILL ENTER THE ARENA..THEY WILL FIGHT UNTIL THE OTHER IS DEFEATED..A FIGHTER IS DEFEATED ONLY WHEN..THEY ARE KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS.. TAP OUT..OR GIVE UP..OR DIE... LET ME TELL YOU WHO OUR FIGHTERS ARE...FIRST UP ..IS CHOW..

ON A GIANT SCREEN A PICTURE OF A ASIAN GUY IN PRODUCE WATERING SOME VEGETABLES..

GEORGE: CAROLIN

ON THE SCREEN A PICTURE OF CAROLIN WALKING AROUND WITH A BUGGY HOLDING HER SELF UP...

GEORGE: BRENT

A PICTURE OF BRENT TALKING TO SOME OLD COUPLE

GEORGE: SAM

A PICTURE OF A CHUBBY GUY WHOS 7FT TALL AND HAS CRAZY EYES IS HOLDING A BAG OF DOG FOOD, HES SAM AGE 22

GEORGE: LAQUINTON

A PICTURE OF LAQUINTON STALKING A SHELF

GEORGE: CAPTAIN COOL

A PICTURE OF CAPTAIN COOL SCRUBBING OUT A TOILET

GEORGE: THE NEW GUY WHO STARTED TODAY...XORO

A PICTURE OF A MAN WITH BLACK DREDS AND A GOTEA HOLDING 2 GUNS...

GOERGE: AND..FRANKIE

A PICTURE OF FRANKIE FLIPPING OFF A CAMERA...

GEORGE: NOW...ARE WE READY TO SEE SOME CRAZY ANTICS!

THE CROWD GOES WILD

GEORGE: GOOD BECAUSE THIS COUNTS AS EVERYONES LUNCH BREAKS..

KENNETH: XORO...I KNOW THAT NAME FROM SOMEWHERE...

GEORGE: HERE ARE THE MATCH UPS..FIRST..ITS XORO VERSUS CAPTAIN COOL...THEN LAQUINTON VS SAM..THEN CAROLIN VS CHOW THEN FRANKIE VERSUS BRENT...

(IN A DARK ROOM) ALL THE 8 FIGHTERS ARE IN THERE..CAP LOOKS OVER AT XORO..

CAP: WHO ARE YOU?

XORO: IM THE MAN WHOS GOING TO KILL YOU...

CAP: ...WHAT..I THOUGHT THIS WAS A NO KILLING TOURNAMENT...

XORO: HA SURE THING KID

GEORGE: (VOICE ONLY) OKAY..TIME FOR OUR FIRST FIGHT...XORO VERSUS CAPTAIN COOL...

XORO WALKS NEXT TO CAPTAIN COOL

XORO: READY TO SCRAP KID..

XORO WALKS TOWARDS THE EXIT

XORO: I KNOW I AM...

CAP FOLLOWS HIM OUT TO THE ARENA...

THE CROWD CHEERS... A GIRL WALKS OVER AND SITS NEXT TO KENNETH, SHE HAS BROWN HAIR IN A BUN..SHES LINDSEY AGE 23

LINDSEY: HEY GUYS

KENNETH: OH HEY...GUYS THIS IS LINDSEY..SHES NEW...

CAP WALKS TO THE GATE WALL THATS IN FRONT OF ALEJANDRO

ALEJANDRO: HEY MAN!

CAP: DUDE..IM SO-

GEORGE: BEGIN

CAP: ..FUCKED

XORO DASHES OVER AND SLAMS HIS FIST IN THE BACK OF HIS RIBS..CAP FALLS TO HIS KNEES..XORO GRABS CAP BY HIS HAIR AND FLINGS HIM ACROSS THE ARENA RIPPING OUT HIS LONG HAIR MAKING IT SHORT...CAP SLOWLY TRIES TO GET UP..XORO DASHES OVER AND HE SLAMS HIS HAND DOWN ON THE BACK OF CAPS HEAD SMASHING HIS FACE INTO THE GROUND...XORO LEANS IN TO CAPS EAR...

XORO: LISTEN...I KNOW YOUR ABOUT TO GIVE UP RIGHT NOW..BUT DONT WORRY...YOU WONT BE IN PAIN FOR MUCH LONG...YOU SEE..IM BEING PAID..TO KILL YOU

CAP: MIKE IN MAINTENANCE

XORO: BINGO!

XORO GRABS CAP BY THE BACK OF HIS SHIRT AND THROWS HIM IN THE CAGE...CAP STUMBLES FORWARD AND XORO GRABS HIM FROM THE BACK AND GERMAN SUPLEXS CAP.. XORO JUMPS UP

XORO: WHOS YOUR HERO NOW! SURE NOT THIS LOSER

CAP LOOKS UP..(CAPS POV) EVERYTHING IS BLURRY..XORO WALKS TOWARDS CAP..HE KICKS CAP IN THE FACE...(REGULAR VISION) CAP BODY IS SHAKING...CAP LOOKS AROUND THE CROWD..HE SEES MIKE IN MAINTENANCE LAUGHING IN THE CROWD..CAP SCREAMS.. XORO WALKS OVER AND GRABS CAP BY THE FRONT OF HIS SHIRT..CAP REACHES DOWN AND BITES THE VEINS IN XOROS WRIST BLOOD GUSHEES OUT AND XORO SCREAMS..HE LETS GO OF CAP AND LOOKS AT HIS WRIST...

XORO: YOU DIRTY LITTLE SNEAK! YOU BIT ME..

CAP REACHES IN HIS POCKET..HE PULLS OUT A THUMB TACK..

XORO LOOKS BACK OVER AT CAP..

XORO: YOU KNOW WHAT IM GOING O DO..IM GOING TO-

CAP: TACK ATTACK!

CAP FLICKS A THUMB TACK AT XOROS EYE..XORO CATCHES IT..HE THROWS IT IN THE CROWD...

XORO: NOT GOING TO WORK ON ME...I GOT A LIST OF YOUR MOVES...HE WROTE DOWN EVERY MOVE EVERY THING YOU DO IN A FIGHT.. YOUR PREDICTABLE..OF COURSE MOST OF THIS FIGHT YOU BEEN ON THE GROUND IN AGONY...

CAP: LET ME GET UP...ONE LAST CHANCE

XORO: FINE GET UP..

CAP SLOWLY TRIES TO GET UP...XORO KICKS CAP IN THE RIBS LAUNCHING HIM INTO THE CAGE WALL..

XORO: YOU DUMBASS! ASSASSINS DONT WANT FAIR FIGHTS..WE COME FOR THE MONEY..TRY FIGHTING A SAMURAI..

LINDSEY: HEY STOP IT! JUST END IT ALREADY

XORO LOOKS AT LINDSEY AND SMILES

XORO: HEY..HOW ABOUT AFTER THIS..ME AND YOU GO KNOCK SOME BOOTS SOMEWHERE HEHE

LINDSEY: IN YOUR DREAMS ASSHOLE!

XORO: FINE...ENJOY ME BREAKING YOUR FRIENDS NECK..

XORO LOOKS BACK OVER AND CAPS GONE...XORO LOOKS AROUND HE TURNS AROUND AND CAP KICKS HIM IN THE BALLS..XORO FALLS DOWN HOLDING HIS JUNK

XORO: THAT...WAS A CHEAP SHOT..

CAP: HEY..IM A SURVIVOR..WE DO WHAT IT TAKES TO LIVE..TRY FIGHTING A SAMURAI

XORO LAUGHS...

XORO: HEY...NOW I CAN SEE WHY HE WANTS YOU DEAD...YOUR A JACKASS

CAP: HOW MUCH IS HE PAYING YOU..I MEAN HE HAS THE SAME JOB AS ME..AND HE AINT GETTING PAID SHIT

XORO: HES ALREADY PAID ME 10 GRAND..THE OTHER 40 WILL BE PAYED AFTER THE JOB IS DONE...

CAP: I PROMISE YOU...HE DOESNT HAVE THE MONEY...THERES NO WAY..

XORO: ..MAYBE..

XORO GETS UP..CAP SWINGS AT XORO..XORO DODGES AND FLIPS CAP AROUND AND PUTS HIM IN A CHOKE HOLD..

XORO: TRY ANYTHING AND ILL SNAP YOUR NECK

CAP: NO PROBLEM...

XORO: MIKE! WHERES THE REST OF MY MONEY..I WANT IT NOW BEFORE I END THIS...

MIKE: JUST FINISH THE JOB

XORO: AT LEAST SHOW ME THE MONEY...

MIKE: JUST DO IT! YOU HAVE HIM! END IT!

XORO: YOU DONT HAVE IT...

MIKE: ...NO..THAT 10 GRAND WAS ALL I HAD..NOW PLEASE...CAN YOU JUST KILL THE BOY..

XORO: NOPE

XORO PUSHES CAP TO THE GROUND...

XORO: I GIVE UP.. HE WINS...

GEORGE: ARE YOU SURE?

XORO: YEAH..AND I QUIT

GEORGE: AND..THE WINNER IS..CAPTAIN COOL!

THE CROWD CHEERS...CAP GETS UP...XORO LEANS IN TO CAP

XORO: GOOD LUCK KID

(TIME ELASP) MIKE IS OUTSIDE IN THE PARKING LOT..HE RUNS TO HIS VAN..XOROS BEHIND HIM..MIKE TURNS TO HIM...

XORO: SORRY BRO...BUT CANT FINISH A JOB UNLESS THE PAYS RIGHT..

MIKE: THAT KID THINKS HES A HERO..I NEED TO SHOW HIM THERE IS NO SUCH THING..YOU DRESS UP LIKE A HERO AND CALL YOURSELF ONE..  
BUT YOUR NO BETTER THEN ANYONE

XORO: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT

(IN THE ARENA)

LINDSEY GRABS KENNETHS HAND AND TRIES TO HOLD IT, KENNETH MOVES HIS HAND...

KENNETH: EWW NO I DONT HOLD HANDS..IT GETS SWEATY AND GROSS

LINDSEY: OHH SORRY..

GRAPE BOY: ANOTHER GRAPE SIR

KENNETH: OF COURSE YOU FOOL

GEORGE: NOW TIME FOR OUR NEXT MATCH! SAM VERSUS LAQUINTON..

THE 2 GUYS WALK OUT TO THE ARENA...

SAM: LORD...FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT IM ABOUT TO DO

GEORGE: FIGHT

LAQUINTON CHARGES AT SAM..SAM GRABS LAQUINTONS HEAD AND SNAPS HIS NECK...LAQUINTON FALLS TO THE GROUND DEAD...LINDSEY STARTS CRYING...

LINDSEY: OH GOD

KENNETH: UMM DONT GET TEARS ON ME

SAM PICKS UP LAQUINTONS BODY...HE WALKS OUT...

GEORGE: OKAY THAT MATCH SURE DID TURN SOME HEADS..LETS GET THE NEXT FIGHT STARTED..CHOW..VERSUS..CAROLIN

THE 2 WALK OUT..CAROLIN HAS A BUGGY..

CHOW: I FEEL BAD FIGHTING YOU..ITS WRONG TO BEAT UP THE HANDICAPPED...

CAROLIN: NO ITS FINE HUN ILL CLOOBER YA

CHOW: NOT SURE WHAT YOU JUST SAID...BUT..I NEED THIS WEEKS PAID VACATION..

GEORGE: FIGHT!

CHOW RUNS TOWARDS CAROLIN..HE JUMPS UP ON HER BUGGY AND JUMPS UP AND KICKS HER IN THE FACE, AND HE JUMPS OVER HER...CAROLIN SPINS AROUND..

CAROLIN: YOU SHOULDNT HAVE DONE THAT

CHOW: I..DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR SAYING TO ME...

CAROLIN THROWS HER BUGGY AT CHOW..CHOW JUMPS OVER IT AND CHARGES AT CAROLIN..HE JUMPS UP AND ROUNDHOUSE KICKS HER IN THE MOUTH SHE FALLS TO THE GROUND, WHEN SHE FALLS SHE FARTS...

CHOW: PLEASE..JUST..GIVE UP YOUR NO MATCH

CAROLIN: OH YEAH..ILL SHOW YOU

CAROLIN CRAWLS TO HIM AND GRABS HIS LEG, SHE BITES A CHUNK OF HIS LEG OFF, HE SCREAMS AND BLOOD GUSHES OUT

CHOW: I GIVE! I GIVE!

CAROLIN STOPS AND GETS UP...CHOW DROPS TO THE GROUND CRYING...

GEORGE SMILES

GEORGE: GOD DAMN I LOVE MY JOB

JAY WALKS UP BEHIND GEORGE

JAY: HEY..UHH ARE WE ALOUD TO BE DOING THIS

GEORGE: BITCH SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH..OKAY..TIME FOR THE NEXT MATCH..FRANKIE VERSUS BRENT!

THE TWO WALK OUT TO THE ARENA..THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER

BRENT: HEY FRANKIE..I NAMED MY HERNIA WALTER...HEY FRANKIE WHY DID THE COWBOY GET A WEINER DOG..HE WANTED TO GET A LONG LITTLE DOGGIE HAHAHA..GET IT..FRANKIE..FRANKIE..

FRANKIES FIST CLENCH..

BRENT: SO..IM KNITTING WALTER A SWEATER...

GEORGE: BEGIN!

FRANKIE CHARGES AT BRENT

BRENT: IM THINKING OF A COOL TIGGER DESIGN

FRANKIE JUMPS UP AND SUPERMAN PUNCHES BRENT IN THE MOUTH..HE FALLS TO THE GROUND AND SPITS UP BLOOD...HE LOOKS BACK AT FRANKIE CRYING..

BRENT: FRANKIE WHY!

FRANKIE WALKS OVER AND KICKS HIM IN THE FACE AND KNOCKS HIM OUT...

GEORGE: AND THERE YOU HAVE IT..FRANKIE WINS THIS ROUND...WERE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK..THEN THE SEMI FINALS WILL START..

(TIME ELASP) SAM FRANKIE CAP AND CAROLIN ARE SITTING IN THE BACK ROOM... SAMS READING THE BIBLE...

CAP: MAN...IM I THE ONLY ONE WHO TOOK A REAL ASS BEATING IN OUR FIGHT

CAROLIN: HEY I GOT BEAT UP TOO

CAP: THE FUCK DID SHE JUST SAY...

(ARENA) KENNETH IS STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CAGE WITH NO SHIRT ON..HE HOLDS UP A WHITE SIGN THAT SAYS SEMIFINALS...

LINDSEY: HES SO..HOT!

GRAPE BOY: YEAH..

(TIME ELASP) GEORGE: ALL RIGHT YOU SONS OF BITCHES..LETS GET READY 2 RUMBLE! OUR NEXT MATCH UP..ITS CAPTAIN COOL..VERSUS SAM!

THE TWO GUYS STEP OUT ON THE ARENA...THEY FACE EACH OTHER..

GEORGE: LETS GET IT ON!

CAP CHARGES AT SAM, SAM GRABS AT CAP, CAP SLIDES UNDERNEATH SAM...HE SPINS AROUND AND KICKS SAM IN THE BALLS. SAM GRABS CAP BY HIS NECK AND LIFTS HIM UP OFF THE GROUND...

SAM: PLEASE GOD..FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT IM ABOUT TO-

CAP: TACK ATTACK

CAP THROWS A TACK IN SAMS MOUTH..HE STARTS GASPING..

CAP: I MISSED..

SAM LETS GO OF CAP...CAP GRABS SAMS SHIRT

CAP: ROCK EM SOCK EM UPPERCUT!

CAP UPPERCUTS SAM..CAP FALLS TO THE GROUND... ...SAM SPITS OUT SOME BLOOD...

SAM: BIBLE THUMP

SAM RUSHES OVER AND SMACKS CAP IN THE FACE WITH HIS FOREARM..CAP FLIES BACK...SAM RUSHES OVER GRABS CAP BY HIS SHIRT AND SLAMS HIM AGAINST THE CAGE..HE SLIDES HIS FACE ACROSS THE CAGE...CAP GRABS HIS ARM, HE BITES OFF HIS THUMB AND SPITS IT OFF IN THE CROWD...SAM DROPS CAP AND STUMBLES BACK...HE LOOKS AT HIS HAND GUSHING BLOOD...HE LOOKS BACK OVER CAP JUMPS UP IN THE AIR..

CAP: BIBLE THUMP

CAP SMASHES HIS FOREARM IN SAMS FACE, SAM FALLS TO THE GROUND...HE LOOKS UP AT THE SKY LIGHTS...

SAM: GOD..IM NOT SURE IF I CAN CONTINUE FOR MUCH LONGER...GOD..PLEASE..ANSWER M-

CAP JUMPS ON TOP OF SAM AND STARTS PUNCHING HIM IN THE FACE..SAM THROWS CAP 20 FEET UP IN THE AIR..SAM GETS UP..

CAP: TACK ATTACK

CAP THROWS 2 TACKS ONE LANDS IN EACH EYE..HE SCREAMS AND HOLDS HIS EYE CAP FLIES DOWN AND KICKS SAM IN THE HEAD, SAM FALLS DOWN UNCONSCIOUS...

GEORGE:OHHH AND CAPTAIN COOL WINS AND GOES TO THE FINALS..

THE CROWD CHEERS...(TIME ELASP) IN A SMALL ROOM, CAP IS LAYING ON A TABLE AND LISA IS PUTTING ICE ON CAPS FACE

LISA: YOU TOOK QUITE A BEATING TODAY..

CAP: YEAH..I WANT THAT WEEKS PAID VACATION..MORE THEN ANYTHING..

LISA: I UNDERSTAND...BUT YOUR GOING TO GET REALLY HURT IF YOU KEEP GOING...

CAP: TO LATE TO GIVE UP NOW..

(ARENA) GEORGE: OKAY..NOW ITS TIME FOR THE NEXT MATCH..ITS FRANKIE VERSUS CAROLIN!

THE 2 WALK OUT...

GEORGE: WHO WILL WIN..WILL IT BE FRANKIE OR THE BUGGY GREMLIN CAROLIN..TIME TO FIND OUT...BEGIN!

CAROLIN: IMA RUN YOU DOWN

CAROLIN CHARGES AT FRANKIE WITH HER BUGGY...FRANKIE KICKS THE BUGGY AND CAROLIN FLIES 10 FEET BACK...CAROLIN ROLLS AROUND ON THE GROUND TRYING TO GET UP...FRANKIE WALKS OVER AND KICKS HER IN THE HEAD..KNOCKING HER OUT

GEORGE: ALRIGHT AND CAROLIN IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT...TIME FOR THE FINAL FIGHT..JUST BRING HIM OUT NOW!

FRANK AND CARL WALK OVER AND PICK UP CAROLIN AND THROW HER IN THE BUGGY... THEY DRIVE HER OUT OF THE RING..CAPTAIN COOL WALKS OUT...

GEORGE: OH ITS MOTHER VERSUS SON IN THE FINAL ROUND...WHO WILL WIN.. THIS IS IT THE LAST MATCH WINNER TAKE ALL! LETS GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD! FIGHT!

FRANKIE AND CAP WALK TOWARDS EACH OTHER

CAP: GIVE UP NOW..I REALLY DONT WANT TO BEAT YOUR ASS

FRANKIE: THATS FUNNY I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THE SAME THING..

CAP: NOT GONNA HAPPEN..JUST GIVE UP NOW BEFORE-

FRANKIE SWINGS AT CAP, CAP CATHCES HER FIST..CAP KICKS HER IN THE HIP SHE FALLS TO HER KNEES..CAP THROWS HER AGAINST THE CAGE

GEORGE: WHAT A DOUCHE BAG HITTING HIS OWN MOM LIKE THAT

CAP: WHAT

THE CROWD STARTS BOOING HIM

CAP: NO...ITS A TOURNAMENT...ITS ALL GOOD..

CAP TURNS TO THE CROWD

CAP: NO GUYS ITS GOOD..ITS A TOURNAMENT

FRANKIE JUMPS ON CAPS BACK AND STARTS PUNCHING HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD

FRANKIE: I WANT THAT VACATION..

CAP THROWS FRANKIE OVER HIS SHOULDER...

CAP: TIME TO BREAK DOWN THE WALLS

CAP PUTS FRANKIE IN THE WALLS OF JERICHO...FRANKIE SCREAMS REACHING FOR THE GATE...

FRANKIE: MY BACK...LET ME OUT YOU SACK OF SHIT I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU

CAP: ILL LET YOU OUT..BUT YOU GOT TO GIVE UP...

FRANKIE: I CANT

CARA RUNS OVER TO THE CAGE...

CARA: FRANKIE DONT GIVE UP!

FRANKIE: I DONT THINK I CAN..

CAP LOOKS BACK AT CARA

CAP: UHH HEY

CARA WAVES AT CAP

CARA: HEY CAPTAIN COOL!

CARA SLIDES A METAL PIPE THREW THE GATE

CARA: HERE BASH IN HIS HEAD WITH THIS

CAP: WAIT WHAT?

FRANKIE GRABS THE PIPE.. FRANKIE HITS CAP IN THE BACK OF THE LEG, HE FALLS TO HIS KNEES LETTING GO OF THE SUBMISSION... FRANKIE SMACKS CAP UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH THE PIPE KNOCKING HIM OUT

GEORGE: OHH AND HE IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT..

LINDSEY: HEY YOUR FRIEND ALMOST WON..

KENNETH: YEAH..NOT EVERYONE CAN BE A CHAMPION OF CUTENESS LIKE ME

GEORGE: HE IS DOWN AND OUT.. FRANKIE WINS THE MAGIC MART CLUB TOURNAMENT AND GETS A WEEKS PAID VACATION..BY THE WAY LETS ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT CAPTAIN COOL GOT HIS ASS WHOOPED BY HIS OWN MOM WHAT A BITCH

(TIME ELASP) 7:20 AM..FRANKIE AND CAP ARE IN THE CAR...FRANKIE IS DRIVING AND SMILING...

FRANKIE: ...SO..HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

CAP: SHUT IT!

FRANKIE: SO..IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER...I INVITED SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS TO GO TO A BAR WITH US THIS SATURDAY FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY

CAP: I HATE BARS..IM NOT EVEN 21 ILL BE 19 IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO GET IN THE BAR

FRANKIE: YOU WILL BE ALRIGHT..YOU LOOK ALOT OLDER THEN YOU ARE

CAP: I KNOW..I LOOK LIKE IM 30..

(TIME ELASP) 10PM, 3 DAYS LATER.. CAP, VJ, FRANKIE, MIKEY, CARA, ALEJANDRO, JESSICA, KENNETH, GRAPE BOY, LINDSEY, BRYON WHO IS PLAYING CLASH OF CLANS..THE SONG SPOKESMAN BY GOLDFINGER IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND..LINDSEY IS SITTING NEXT TO KENNETH STARING AT HIM..

VJ: EVERYONE..I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING...TODAY IS CAPTAIN COOLS BIRTHDAY...AND.. I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW...HES A BIG OL FAGOT

EVERYONE LAUGHS EXCEPT CAPTAIN COOL...

CAPTAIN COOL: WHAT KIND OF SPEECH WAS THAT...

CARA: SO HOWS YOUR VACATION SO FAR FRANKIE

FRANKIE: SO FAR ITS BEEN AWESOME

VJ: I CANT BELEIVE FRANKIE KICKED YOUR ASS MAN

CAP: FIRST OFF SHE HAD A STEEL PIPE..AND THEN BASHED IN MY HEAD WITH IT..WHICH STILL HURTS BY THE WAY

VJ: QUIT YA BITCHEN

VJ LOOKS OVER AT BRYON

VJ: HEY ARNT YOU GOING TO DRINK

BRYON: NO..ME DRINKING IS A BAD IDEA...TRUST ME

LINDSEY LEANS IN NEAR KENNETHS EAR

LINDSEY: HEY KENNETH..I WAS WONDERING..IF MAYBE..YOU WOULD LIKE TO GO OUT SOMETIME..

KENNETH: NAH...IM A WILD STALLION..I CANT BE TIED DOWN

LINDSEY: OHH...I SEE

GRAPE BOY: BUT SIR..I WOULD SUGGEST SETTLING DOWN..YOUR NOT A SPRING CHICKEN ANYMORE I-

KENNETH: SHUT IT GRAPE BOY YOU SAY ONE MORE GOD DAMN WORD IM GOING TO PUT MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS... IM THE WORLDS SEXIEST MAN.. IM A STAR BABY! IN FACT..YOUR FIRED! (SONG ENDS)

VJ: WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY...

GRAPE BOY: BUT..IVE..BEEN WORKING FOR YOU..FOR 8 YEARS NOW...

KENNETH: WELL THATS TO BAD..IM THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE ANYONE CAN BE MY GRAPE BOY...

GRAPE BOY AND LINDSEY RUN OUT THE BAR CRYING...

JESSICA: AWKWARD

JESSICA AND ALEJANDRO WALK OVER TO CAP...CAP LOOKS PISSED

JESSICA: ARE YOU STILL MAD ABOUT THE FIGHT

CAP: NO...YEAH..

JESSICA: WELL IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER I HEARD YOU DID REALLY GOOD IN THE OTHER FIGHTS...

CARA: WELL..LOOK CAPTAIN COOL..HOW ABOUT ME AND MIKEY TAKE YOU OUT TO DRINK MOONSHINE ONE DAY AT THE MOONSHINE FACTORY

CAP: IM NOT 21

MIKEY: YEAH BUT WE ARE...AND YOU CAN WATCH US DRINK

VJ: AND ILL BE GOING..TO WATCH..SINCE IM NOT 21 EITHER...

CAP: SURE..WE'LL GO..

VJ: I KNOW WHAT MAKES CAPTAIN FEEL BETTER...

VJ JUMPS UP ON A STOOL..HE BENDS OVER AND PULLS HIS PANTS DOWN..THERES A FACE ON HIS ASS WITH PAINTED ON EYES...VJ GRABS EACH ASS CHEEK..  
AND STARTS SQUISHING THEM TOGEHTER..ZOOM IN ON HIS ASS

VJ: (VOICE ONLY) EHH HEY CAPTIAN COOL..IM VJS ASS..WHY YOU BEING SUCH A TOTAL ASS..I SHOULD KNOW WHAT ONE LOOKS LIKE

CAP: WELL...I DONT KNOW..GUESS I REALLY WANTED TO WIN THE TOURNAMENT...

VJ: OHH THATS WHATS BOTHERING YOU...I THOUGHT IT WAS THE FACT THAT YOU DONT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND..OR THE FACT YOUR A BITCH ASS FAGOT..OR..THE FACT THAT YOUR TALKING TO A GIANT ASS...OR THE FACT-

THE STOOL BREAKS UNDER VJS WEIGHT AND HE FALLS TO THE GROUND EVERYONE LAUGHS

JESSICA: I LIKE TO POINT OUT...THAT HE HAD THAT PAINTED ON HIS ASS..THIS ENTIRE TIME

(NEXT DAY) OUTSIDE ON A GRASSY HILL OFFICER MCBRIDE AND MCGROOM ARE SITTING IN A POLICE CAR EATING HAMBURGERS..

MCGROOM: THIS IS REALLY GOOD

GIRL: AHHHHHH!

MCBRIDE: SHIT

A WOMAN COVERED IN BLOOD STARTS RUNNING TOWARDS THEM

MCBRIDE: 5 BUCKS SAYS SHES GOING TO WANT OUR HELP

SHE RUNS UP TO THERE CAR AND STARTS BEATING ON MCBRIDES WINDOW...

MCGROOM: YOU WERE RIGHT,

MCBRIDE ROWS DOWN HIS WINDOW AND LOOKS AT HER

MCBRIDE: ..WHAT?

GIRL: ..MY..MY HUSBAND...HE WAS MURDERED..

MCBRIDE: OKAY..UMM GIVE US 20 MORE MINIUTES..YOU SEE WERE ON OUR LUNCH BREAK AND WHEN THAT ENDS WE CAN-

GIRL: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!

MCBRIDE: ..WHAT

GIRL: I DIDNT EVEN KNOW COPS GOT LUNCH BREAKS

MCBRIDE LOOKS OVER AT MCGROOM .  
MCBRIDE: SHE DIDNT EVEN KNOW WE GOT LUNCH BREAKS

MCBRIDE LOOKS BACK AT HER

MCBRIDE: WHERE DO YOU WORK

GIRL: (CRYING) WHAT..MY HUSBAND JUST GOT KILLED..PLEASE-

MCBRIDE: WHERE!

GIRL: I WORK AT A BANK

MCBRIDE: AND DO YOU GET LUNCH BREAKS

GIRL: ..YES..

MCGROOM FINISHES HIS BURGER

MCBRIDE: AND SO DO WE..

GIRL: ..PLEASE..I BEG OF YOU

MCBRIDE GETS OUT THE CAR..HE THROWS HIS BURGER DOWN THE HILL

MCBRIDE: OHH OKAY..SO WHERES HE AT HUH..I DONT HAVE A LUNCH BREAK NOW! I DONT SEE HIM..WHERES THE BAD GUY

GIRL: DOWN..THE ..HILL..HE WAS IN THE BACK OF OUR CAR...AND (SOB)

MCGROOM GETS OUT THE CAR..HE WALKS DOWN THE HILL AND STARTS EATING MCBRIDES BURGER

GIRL: AND HE SLIT MY HUSBANDS THROAT..AND THINK..HES THE GUY EVERYONES TALKING ABOUT..THE RAGDOLL KILLER

MCBRIDE: OH ITS THE RAGDOLL KILLER..CASE CLOSED..WHY DO YOU NEED US..ON OUR FUCKING LUNCH BREAK

GIRL: FUCK YOU..IM JUST GOING TO CALL THE COPS

THE GIRL PULLS OUT HER PHONE..SHE DIALS 911

MCBRIDE: WHY WASNT THAT YOUR FIRST OPTION

GIRL: HELLO..

PHONE: 911 EMERGENCIES

GIRL: HEY..MY HUSBAND WAS JUST MURDERED..PLEASE HELP

PHONE: ...IM SORRY..WERE ON OUR LUNCH BREAK RIGHT NOW PLEASE CALL BACK LATER

GIRL: MOTHERFUCKER!

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS WALKING THREW MAGIC MART WITH A TRASH BIN...HE WALKS BY THE CEREAL ISLE.. BILL WALKS TOWARDS HIM

CAP: AHH ZOMBIE

FRANKIE WALKS OFF AN ISLE

FRANKIE: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAFT TO TELL YOU..THATS BILL...NOT A ZOMBIE

BILL: GREOAJDAMODO

CAP: THATS NOT A LANGUAGE..HES A FUCKING ZOMBIE

FRANKIE: NO..HES JUST OLD

BILL STARES BLANKLY AT CAP...

CAP: HE WANTS..MY BRAINS...

FRANKIE: NO HE DONT...HES JUST CREEPY.

CAP WALKS ON... BRENT WALKS OUT IN FRONT OF CAP...

BRENT: HEY CAPTAIN COOL..IS YOUR MOM AROUND..MAN SHE HITS HARD...

CAP: YEAH I JUST PASSED HER...

BRENT: OH YEAH..HEY DID YOU HEAR THIS ONE..WHY ISNT THERE GAMBLING IN AFRICA...TOO MANY CHEETAHS..

CAP: GOD DAMN IT BRENT

BRENT: WALTER GOT A KICK OUT OF THAT ONE..

THE THING IN BRENTS CHEST STRECHES OUT AND LAUGHS..

CAP: GAAAA

KENNETH WALKS OVER

KENNETH: GUYS..I..THINK IM..STARVING..I HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING..SINCE...I ATE THOSE GRAPES..FROM GRAPE BOY..MAYBE..I WAS TO HARSH ON HIM...

THE ALIEN LOOKS OVER AT KENNETH...ITS MOUTH DROPS...IT RIPS OUT OF BRENTS CHEST..BLOOD GUSHES ALL OVER THE GROUND..A SMALL LITTLE WORM ALIEN SLITHERS UP KENNETHS LEG AND UP HIS CHEST..IT HITS KENNETH IN THE FACE AND KNOCKS HIM ON THE GROUND..IT STARTS BITING HIS FACE AND BLOOD STARTS SPEWING OUT ALL OVER THE GROUND..IT RIPS A WHOLE IN HIS FACE AND SLITHERS INSIDE OF IT..  
KENNETH AND BRENT ARE BOTH PASSED OUT IN A POOL OF BLOOD...

ENTERCOM: I NEED MAINTENANCE TO GROCERY FOR A SPILL PLEASE

(TIME ELASP) KENNETH IS IN A HOSPITAL BED WITH HIS FACE WRAPPED UP IN BANDAGES...HE WAKES UP..HE STARTS UNRAVALING THE BANDAGES..HE GRABS A MIRROR AND LOOKS IN IT...THERES A GIANT BUMP ON HIS FACE...

KENNETH: OHHH...OHH GOD... NO... NOOOOOO!

KENNETH THROWS THE MIRROR AGAINST THE WALL... A ZOOM IN ON HIS FACE...THE SCREEN GOES BLACK (FLASHBACK) 1923 KENNETH (LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME MINUS THE GIANT BUMP) GETS OFF A BUS OF SOLDIERS...THEY LINE UP IN FRONT OF A SERGEANT..

SERGEANT: ALRIGHT LADIES..YOU ALL WILL DO WHAT I SAY FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL MONTHS..YOU WILL BREATHE EAT AND SHIT WHEN I SAY...AND NOT ANYTIME BEF-

THE SERGEANT WALKS TOWARDS KENNETH...

SERGEANT: HOT DAMM YOU ARE A HOT PIECE OF ASS...

KENNETH: THANK YOU..

SERGEANT: IN GOOD CONSCIOUS I CANT ALLOW YOU TO FIGHT...YOUR TO DAMN FINE TO DIE..BUT YOU OTHER FUGLY MOTHERFUCKERS ARNT ..

KENNTH: YOU SEE SIR..AS A CHILD..IVE HAD 2 DREAMS...TO BE A MAJOR MEMBER OF THE WORLD MILITARY..AND TO BE THE WORLDS SEXIEST MAN ALIVE...

SERGEANT: WELL CONSIDER ONE OF YOUR DREAMS MET...BUT THE OTHER ONE..NOT A CHANCE IN HELL...

KENNETH: THEN THIS POINT ON...ILL FOCUS MY ENTIRE LIFE..ON BEING THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE

SERGEANT HOLDS KENNETHS FACE...

SERGEANT: YOU WILL...YOU WILL

(PRESENT) KENNETH LOOKS UP AT THE CELLING...HE STARTS CRYING...

CAP: (IN KENNETHS HEAD) YOU KNOW KENNETH...SOMETHING CAN HAPPEN TO YOU ONE DAY AND MAKE YOU LOOK WEIRD.. OR WORSE

KENNETH: HE..HE..HE JINXED ME

(IN ANOTHER ROOM) BRENT IS IN A HOSPITAL BED..HIS CHEST IS WRAPPED UP IN BANDAGES...BRENT WAKES UP...HE LOOKS DOWN

BRENT: WALTER..WALTER YOU STILL THERE..WALTER...NO!

BRENT CLOSES HIS EYES... (FLASH BACK) 1956.. 2 GUYS WITH BROWN BEARDS AND CURLY HAIR ARE OUTSIDE MILKING COWS..ONE IS LENT AND THE OTHER IS KENT.

KENT: HAHA HEY LENT HERES ONE FOR YA...WHATS A CATS FAVORITE TREAT..

LENT: WHAT KENT?

KENT: MICE KRISPIES

LENT: HAHAHA HEY WHAT DID THE PSYCHIATRIST SAY WHEN A MAN WEARING NOTHING BUT SARAN WRAP WALKED INTO HIS OFFICE..

KENT: WHAT?

LENT: I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS

KENT: HAHAHA

(TIME ELASP) KENT AND LENT GO INSIDE A HOUSE..THEY WALK IN A ROOM FILLED WITH BOOKS..IN THE ROOM BRENT IS READING A BOOK..HE HAS ON GLASSES AND A GREEN SWEATER...

LENT: HEY BRENT..WHY DONT YOU WORK OUTSIDE AND MAKE JOKES WITH US

BRENT: IM READING UP ON ROCKET ENGINEERING SO I CAN GO WORK FOR NASA..

KENT WALKS OVER AND FARTS IN BRENTS FACE..KENT AND LENT LAUGH

LENT: WHY DONT YOU EVER LAUGH BRENT

BRENT: IM TO BUSY FOR A IMMATURE NINCOMPOOPS LIKE YOU...

KENT: OHHH...WELL COME HELP US FEED THE HOARSES...

BRENT: FINE..BUT THEN ITS BACK TO THE BOOKS FOR ME..

(TIME ELASP) THE 3 ARE OUTSIDE WITH SOME HOARSES FEEDING THEM HAY...

LENT: HEY..WONT DONT YOU WRITE WITH A BROKEN PENCIL

KENT: WHY?

LENT: ITS POINTLESS

THE 2 GUYS LAUGH...BRENT REST HIS ARMS ON A HORSES ASS..

BRENT: YOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS...

KENT: HEY BRENT HOW ABOUT THIS ONE.. WHATS BROWN AND STICKY

LENT: HAHA WHAT A BUTT?

KENT: NO A STICK

THE TWO LAUGH.. BRENT GETS UP AND SLAPS THE HORSES ASS

BRENT: NOW GOSH DARN IT THIS IS ASININE IVE HAD ENOUGH-

THE HORSE JUMPS UP AND KICKS BRENT IN THE HEAD HE FLIES 60 FEET AWAY...LENT AND KENT RUN OVER TO BRENT..

KENT: WHY GOSH BRENT ARE YOU OKAY?

BRENT LEANS UP..HIS GLASSES SHATTER...

LENT: BRENT?

BRENT: ...HEY...WHAT DID THE TRAFFIC LIGHT SAY TO THE CAR...DONT LOOK IM CHANGING...

THE 3 OF THEM LAUGH..BRENT GETS UP..

LENT: YOUR JOKING

BRENT: AND IT FEELS GOOD..I DONT EVER WANT TO STOP TELLING JOKES HAHAHA

KENT: TELL ANOTHER

BRENT: WHAT HAPPENS TO PASTORS WHO EAT CHILI DOGS...THEY HAVE TO SIT IN THEIR OWN PEW HAHA

THEY ALL START LAUGHING...(PRESENT) BRENT SMILES..BRENT WAKES UP...

BRENT: THAT WAS A GOOD ONE HAHAHA

(PRESENT)BRENTS HOSPITAL ROOM.. A WOMAN WITH BLONDE HAIR AND BIG BOOBS WALKS IN...SHES NIKKIE AGE 24

NIKKIE: BABY YOUR OKAY!

NIKKIE RUNS OVER AND KISSES BRENT ON THE LIPS

BRENT: HEY THERE HONEY BUN YOU OKAY

NIKKIE: YEAH..I TALKED TO YOUR DOCTOR HE SAYS YOUR GOING TO MAKE IT...

BRENT: YEAH... ITS GOING TO TAKE A WHILE FOR ME TO HEAL..BUT ILL MAKE IT

NIKKIE: I GOT JUST THE MEDICINE YOU NEED..I HEARD THIS ONE YESTERDAY ..WHAT DO GHOST WEAR WHEN IT RAINS?

BRENT: ...WHAT?

NIKKIE: BOOOOOTS!

THEY LAUGH

BRENT: THAT WAS A GOOD ONE

(TIME ELASP) 9PM..MIKE IN MAINTENANCE IS IN A BAR.. HES DRINKING A BEER..A SKINNY MAN IN A BROWN SUIT SITS DOWN NEXT TO HIM...

MAN: HEY..IVE SEEN YOU BEFORE...

MIKE: NO YOU HAVEN'T...

MAN: YEAH..YOU WERE AT THE CONFERENCE OF EVIL.. YOUR THE JANITOR

MIKE: YOU GO TO THE MEETINGS

MAN: YEAH...IM ONE OF THE GROUPS LAWYERS..

MIKE: YEAH..I HATE LAWYERS...

MAN: FUNNY ENOUGH..ME TOO...YOU KNOW I HEARD YOU BEEN WORKING WITH THEODORE WALTS

MIKE: NOT ANYMORE..

MAN: REALLY..YOU BETTER HOPE YOU DIDNT CROSS HIM. I HEAR HES REAL PARANOID..THAT HE DOESNT USE BANKS..HE KEEPS IT ALL IN A SAFE SOMEWHERE..

MIKE: REALLY...I REALLY HATE LAWYERS... I LOST A LAWSUIT ONCE...I DIDNT HAVE THE RIGHT SUBPOENA DUCES TECUM

MAN: THE WHAT?

MIKE SMILES AND FINISHES HIS BEER..HE PULLS OUT A KNIFE AND SLITS THE MANS THROAT, HE FALLS TO THE GROUND BLEEDING OUT..MIKE LEANS IN TOWARDS HIM...

MIKE: I DONT LIKE ASSASSINS EITHER...

MIKE JAMS THE KNIFE IN THE SIDE OF THE MANS HEAD... MIKE GETS UP AND SLAMS A 20 ON THE TABLE... AND WALKS OUT THE BAR

(FLASHBACK) 5 YEARS AGO...CAP IS ON A BUS..HES LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW.. HE LOOKS AT THE SUN... HE SMILES...SOMEONE TAPS HIM ON HIS SHOULDER FROM THE SEAT IN FRONT OF HIM..CAP LOOKS OVER AND A BLONDE GIRL SMACKS HIM IN THE FACE WITH A FLIP FLOP..

CAP: AHHH SHIT

GIRL: HEY CAPTAIN BITCH... HOW DO YOU LIKE MY SHOE...

CAP: IM NOT THE BITCH HERE

GIRL: WHAT DID YOU SAY

SHE SMACKS CAP 5 MORE TIMES IN THE HEAD WITH THE SHOE..SHE LIFTS HER SHOE UP IN THE AIR...

KID: I BET YOU WONT HIT HIM

CAP COVERS HIS HANDS OVER HIS MOUTH

CAP: I BET YOU WONT SHAKE HIS HAND AND WALK AWAY

SHE SWINGS DOWN HER SHOE AND A RED BINDER SMACKS HER ACROSS THE FACE, IT KNOCKS HER FACE INTO THE WINDOW BLOOD AND TEETH FLY OUT HER MOUTH...SHE FALLS TO THE GROUND.. CAP LOOKS OVER AND A SMALL GUY IS THERE..HES BALD SKINNY AND 5FT EVEN..HES JOEY AGE 17...

JOEY: YOU OKAY MAN...

CAP: YEAH...THANKS JOEY

JOEY: NO PROBLEM..MAN YOU GOT TO START DEFENDING YOURSELF MAN...

CAP: HOW..I DONT HAVE A RED BINDER

JOEY: HAHA OKAY MAN..HERE..

JOEY HANDS CAP HIS RED BINDER...

CAP: MAN...THANKS...WHEN I GROW UP.. I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE YOU..

(PRESENT) CAP IS ASLEEP IN HIS ROOM..FRANKIE WALKS IN..

FRANKIE: TIME TO GET READY FOR WORK..

CAP GETS UP AND EXITS THE ROOM..ON HIS WALL HANGS JOEYS RED BINDER...

(TIME ELASP) CAP WALKS INTO THE MAGIC MART... CAP WALKS TO THE BACK OF THE STORE...HE GOES IN THE BACK.. HE SEES JOEY STANDING NEXT TO GEORGE

GEORGE: HAHAHA YOUR HILARIOUS!

JOEY: THEN THE GRANDMA STARTS TICKLING THE CLOWNS BALLS AND...

JOEY LOOKS OVER..HE SMILES

JOEY: CAPTAIN COOL...I OWE YOU A SKULL FUCKING

CAP: I DONT KNOW HOW YOU OWE ME THAT...BUT HEY MAN..

GEORGE: YOU KNOW THIS CLOWN JOEY...

JOEY: I DO..I USED TO SAVE HIS ASS BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL ALL THE TIME...

GEORGE: YEAH I SAY YOU WOULD HAVE HAD TO..LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT A NEW MAINTENANCE GUY

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS PUSHING A DUSTMOP THREW ELECTRONICS..HE GOES INTO PHOTOLAB AND PUTS IT ON THE WALL...HE GOES IN THE MENS BATHROOM..HE GOES TO THE URINAL..HE STARTS PISSING..THE DOOR OPENS AND GEORGE WALKS IN...HE LOOKS AT CAP...HE WALKS FORWARD EXTENDS OUT HIS ARMS AND WALKS TO ANOTHER URINAL WHILE MAKING AIR PLANE SOUNDS...HE GETS TO THE URINAL AND STARTS PISSING..

GEORGE: YOU JEWISH..

CAP: YEAH

GEORGE: YEAH I COULD FUCKING TELL..

GEORGE FARTS...CAP ZIPS UP HIS PANTS AND WALKS OVER AND WASHES HIS HANDS...

GEORGE: HEY..HITLER..HE MESSED UP..ILL GIVE YA THAT..BUT..YOU GOT TO RESPECT HIS STRATEGY GAME

CAP: YUP..

(TIME ELASP) CAP AND JOEY ARE WALKING THREW THE STORE

CAP: SO HOW DO YOU LIKE THE JOB SO FAR

JOEY: ITS OKAY..IM USED TO IT..I WORKED AT TOY SHACK AS A JANITOR

CAP: OH COOL

JOEY: ITS ABOUT THE SAME..EXCEPT THIS PLACE HAS THE MORALE OF AN ABORTION CLINIC ...

CAP LOOKS OVER AT JOEY..THEY SEE ALEJANDRO STANDING NEXT TO THE CLOSED SUB SHOP..THEY WALK TO HIM..

ALEJANDRO: HEY MAN!

CAP: THIS IS MY FRIEND ALEJANDRO..THIS IS MY FRIEND JOEY

THEY SHAKE HANDS...

JOEY: SO..ARE WE GOING TO FORM A CREW OR WHAT..

ALEJANDRO: A CREW

JOEY: A MAINTENANCE CREW..GROUP..WE BREAK TOGETHER..HANGOUT.. BECOME BROTHERS..

CAP: YEAH!

JOEY: SHOULD I ASK MIKE IN MAINTENANCE IF HE WANTS TO JOIN

CAP: NO!

JOEY: YOU DONT LIKE HIM?

CAP: HES TRIED TO KILL ME.. ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS

JOEY: YEAH..NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT..I THINK HE DOES HATE YOU

MIKE DRIVES BY ON THE SCRUBBER FLIPPING CAP OFF...

ALEJANDRO: SO A CREW HUH

CAP: WE SHALL CALL OURSELVES..THE FUNKY BUNCH

ALEJANDRO: NO

JOEY: WHY NOT..LET ASS QUEEN HAVE IT...NOW WE JUST GOT TO FIND US A CLUB HOUSE..

THE LIGHTS IN THE SUB SHOP COME ON..THE GATE OPENS...

CAP: THIS IS IT..A NEW ERA BEGINS..

END


	4. Chapter 4- The funky bunch

COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA EPISODE 4 - THE FUNKY BUNCH

THE GATE OPENS TO THE SUBSHOP..ALEJANDRO JOEY AND CAPTAIN COOL LOOK AT THE SUBSHOP...

CAP: OUR OWN CLUB HOUSE

CAP STEPS ONE FOOT FORWARD, A RUSH OF WIND FLIES BY THEM AND GOES INSIDE THE SUBSHOP..INSIDE A MAN SITS DOWN, HE HAS A BLACK FADORA A GREY SHIRT AND A BLACK JACKET..HES JR

THE THREE GUYS GO INSIDE...INSIDE BEHIND THE SUBSHOP COUNTER IS A MAN WITH LONG BLACK HAIR HES ADAM AGE 27...

ADAM: HELLO GUYS..WELCOME TO THE SUBSHOP

JR GETS UP AND WALKS TOWARDS THEM, HE EXTENDS OUT HIS HAND

JR: HEY GUYS..MY NAME IS JR

CAP GRABS JRS HAND AND SHAKES IT..

CAP: UHH HEY...IM CAPTAIN COOL, THATS JOEY AND ALEJANDRO..

JR: YEAH OKAY..

JR SITS DOWN IN A CHAIR..THEY GO TO THE BACK OF THE STORE..CAP SITS IN THE LAST BOOTH SEAT IN THE STORE...ALEJANDRO SITS IN THE SEAT IN FRONT OF HIM...JOEY GRABS A CHAIR AND SITS NEXT TO THEM...

CAP: MAN..I LOVE THIS PLACE...

ALEJANDRO: ..SO WERE A CREW NOW..WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

CAP: I DUNNO?

JOEY: WE SHOULD CRUISE THE HIGH SCHOOLS FOR FRESHMAN GIRLS...

CAP: I GOT IT...WE BECOME PRIVATE EYES

ALEJANDRO: WHAT?

JOEY: YA..I LIKE THIS..WE TAKE ON CHEATING SPOUSE CASES...FOLLOW THEM..WATCH THEM HAVE SEX! ...

CAP: YEAAH...THAT COULD BE PART OF IT I GUESS...AND MURDER CASES TOO!

ALEJANDRO: I GUESS...

JOEY: LETS DO IT TO IT!

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS ON HIS LAP TOP IN HIS ROOM, HES ON CRAIGS LIST..HES TYPING OUT A POST

CAP: OKAY..HERE WE GO... HELLO..WERE THE FUNKY BUNCH... A GROUP OF PRIVATE EYES..AND WE'LL DO ANYTHING TO GET THE JOB DONE...

CAP HITS ENTER..

CAP: AND SEND..NOTHING CAN GO WRONG...

(TIME ELASP) 7AM.. CAP AND ALEJANDRO ARE OUTSIDE MAGIC MART SITTING ON SOME BUGGIES...

CAP: COME ON COME ON...WE WOULD HAVE OUR FIRST CASE ON THE ONE DAY JOEY IS OFF WORK..THE ONLY ONE OF US WHO HAS A CAR..

ALEJANDRO: HE'LL BE HERE SOON MAN...

CAP: MAN..I KNOW THIS IS RANDOM..YOU NEED SOME MORE PERSONALITY

A BLUE CRAPPY SPORTS CAR DRIVES TOWARDS THEM..THERES GREEN BLUE AND RED FLASHING LIGHTS UNDER THE CAR...

ALEJANDRO: WHAT KIND OF DOUCHE BAG WOULD DRIVE THAT-

THE CAR PULLS UP AND JOEY STICKS HIS HEAD OUT THE WINDOW...

JOEY: HEY COCKSUCKERS READY TO GO

CAP: WE SURE ARE!

(TIME ELASP) CAP JOEY AND ALEJANDRO ARE IN THE CAR...CAP IS IN THE BACK WITH HIS LAP TOP..

JOEY: SO COCK MUFFINS, WHATS OUR FIRST CASE

CAP: OKAY..SO THIS GUY SAYS HE HAS A JOB FOR US...HE SAYS WE NEED TO BE REAL DISCRETE..SO IM THINKING..MAYBE THIS WILL BE A BIG CASE YOU KNOW..HUSH HUSH

JOEY: SEEMS LEGIT

(TIME ELASP) JOEYS CAR PULLS UP TO A TRAILER..THEY GET OUT OF THE CAR

CAP: READY BOYS

THE THREE OF THEM GO INSIDE...THEY RUN BACK OUTSIDE...THEY GET BACK IN THE CAR...

ALEJANDRO: SO MAYBE MENTION NO BLOWJOBS ON THE ADD

CAP: YEAH..YEAH..GOOD IDEA

CAP IS ON CRAIGSLIST...HE WRITES A NEW ADD..HELLO WE ARE THE FUNKY BUNCH...WERE A GROUP OF DETECTIVES..WE DONT DO BLOWJOBS...  
OR ANY BUTT STUFF..UNLESS YOUR A GIRL...BUT MOSTLY DETECTIVE STUFF...

CAP: AND SEND

CAP GETS A NEW MESSAGE

CAP: WE GOT A NEW CASE!

CAP OPENS UP THE MESSAGE

CAP: HELLO...MY NAME IS JEEVES AND I LIVE AT THE COOLSVILLE MANOR...THERES SOME STRANGE NOISES GOING ON...CAN YOU GUYS COME CHECK IT OUT...

JOEY: WELL

CAP: THE FUNKY BUNCH WILL TAKE THE CASE!

(TIME ELASP) 10PM, JOEYS CAR PULLS UP TO A SPOOKY GIANT MANSION..THERES A GIANT METAL GATE AND A SIGN THAT SAYS COOLSVILLE MANOR...PURPLE LIGHTNING STRIKES IN THE DISTANCE

ALEJANDRO: WELL WE FINALLY MADE IT...

JOEY: IM GONNA GET LAID IN THERE...

CAP: HOW DO YOU KNOW...

JOEY: I CAN ALWAYS TELL BEFORE WALKING INTO SOME PLACE IF IM GONA GET LAID IN THERE OR NOT..ITS HAPPENING...

CAP: HUH...I HOPE IM GOING TO GET LAID TOO

JOEY: YOUR NOT...JUST ME...

ALEJANDRO: WELL..LETS GO...

JOEY: WAIT..BEFORE WE GO...I GOT US SOMETHING

(TIME ELASP) THEY GET OUT OF THE CAR..THEY HAVE ON BROWN TRENCH COATS AND DEERSTALKER HATS..CAP HAS A MAGNIFYING GLASS...  
THEY OPEN THE FRONT GATES TO THE MANOR...AND WALK INSIDE...THE GATES SHUT BACK BEHIND THEM...

ALEJANDRO: UMMMM...THAT CANT BE GOOD..

CAP: NO ITS THE WIND...LETS GO

THEY GET TO THE FRONT DOOR...CAP KNOCKS ON THE FRONT DOOR...HE KNOCKS HARDER..THE FRONT DOOR FALLS OF ITS HINDGES...

CAP: HEY..WERE THE FUNKY BUNCH..SORRY ABOUT THE DOOR...

THEY WALK INSIDE SLOWLY..ITS DARK... THE DOOR RISES BACK UP AND PUTS ITSELF BACK TOGETHER..THE BOYS TURN AROUND...AND A BALD MIDGET WEARING A TUXEDO IS THERE...

JEEVES: HELLO.. I AM JEEVES..I AM THE CARETAKER OF THIS PLACE

CAP: BUTLER

JEEVES: CARETAKER!

CAP: OH YOU SCARED US TO DEATH JEEVES..I AM CAPTAIN COOL

JOEY: AND IM JOEY

ALEJANDRO: HEY MAN! IM ALEJANDRO

JOEY: ANY LADIES IN THIS HOUSE HOLD?

JEEVES: NO..ITS JUST ME...THATS THE PROBLEM.. I HEAR STRANGE NOISES HERE..

CAP: LIKE GHOST

JEEVES: PERHAPS..

ALEJANDRO: I AINT SCARED OF NO GHOST

JEEVES: GOOD... WELL..ILL LEAVE YOU TO IT..

CAP: ABOUT THE PAYMENT..

JEEVES: I TELL YOU WHAT..IF YOU SURVIVE THIS...WITHOUT RUNNING AWAY...AND GET RID OF THE GHOST..YOU CAN OWN THIS HOUSE...

CAP: OH SHIT REALLY! LETS GO BOYS

THEY WALK FORWARD...THEY STOP

FUNKY BUNCH: SURVIVE!?

THEY TURN BACK TO JEEVES AND HES GONE...

ALEJANDRO: JOEY..YOUR DADS GONE

JOEY: THATS NOT MY DAD...

THERES A LOUD THUMPING SOUND COMING FROM A DOOR...

CAP: UHHH WHAT IS THAT

ALEJANDRO: MANY OF THE STRANGE NOISES IM GUESSING...

THEY WALK OVER TO THE DOOR SLOWLY..CAP REACHES FOR THE DOORKNOB...(RESIDENT EVIL 1 STYLE) A ZOOM IN ON THE DOOR KNOB, IT TURNS SLOWLY AND OPENS..VJ FALLS OUT THE CLOSET AND TO THE GROUND WITH HIS PANTS AROUND HIS ANKLES...

CAP: VJ!

ALEJANDRO: HEY JOEY..MAYBE THATS WHO YOUR GOING TO BE SLEEPING WITH TONIGHT

JOEY: ITS GOING TO BE YOU IF YOU DONT SHUT THE COCKSUCKER OF YOURS UP

VJ: ILL NEVER ANSWER A CRAIGSLIST ADD AGAIN

VJ GETS UP AND PULLS HIS PANTS UP

CAP: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

VJ: UHH DONT WORRY ABOUT IT..BUT WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE..

CAP: NO WAY..IF WE CAN FIGURE OUT HOW TO STOP THE CRAZYNESS..WE GET THIS HOUSE!

VJ: ITS NOT WORTH IT..THIS PLACE IS SCARY..ITS NOT WORTH IT..SOME SUPER NATURAL SHIT HAPPENS HERE

CAP: WE'VE DELT WITH THE SUPER NATURAL ALOT IN OUR PAST

VJ: OHH YEAH..

ALEJANDRO: EXPLAIN?

CAP: AND BESIDES..THE ONLY CREEPY SUPER NATURAL THING IVE SEEN SO FAR WAS A MIDGET

ALEJANDRO: WHAT ABOUT THAT

ALEJANDRO POINTS AT A GHOST OF A MAN WITH HIS NECK RIPPED OPEN

ALL THE GUYS: AHHHHH!

THE SONG RECIPE FOR MY LOVE BY AUSTIN ROBERTS STARTS PLAYING, THE BOYS RUN UPSTAIRS.. THE GHOST IS CHASING THEM..THEY RUN DOWN A LONG HALLWAY FILLED WITH DOORS..THE GANG OPEN A DOOR AND RUN INSIDE..THE GHOST OPENS THE SAME DOOR AND GOES INSIDE.  
CAP EXITS ANOTHER DOOR..HE LOOKS AROUND AND GOES IN ANOTHER DOOR...ALEJANDRO EXITS ANOTHER DOOR AND SNEAKS OUT..HE LOOKS AROUND..THE GHOST EXITS ANOTHER DOOR..HE SEES ALEJANDRO..ALEJANDRO RUNS THREW ANOTHER DOOR AND THE GHOST FOLLOWS HIM..  
JOEY EXITS A ROOM..HE OPENS A DOOR AND THE GHOST IS THERE..HE SLAMS THE DOOR IN HIS FACE..HE WALKS TO THE NEXT DOOR AND OPENS IT AND CAP IS THERE..HE SHUTS THE DOOR IN FRONT OF HIM...JOEY WALKS TO THE NEXT DOOR AND OPENS IT AND RUNS INSIDE..VJ EXITS A ROOM HE LOOKS AROUND...HE STOPS AND PULLS OUT HIS PHONE..THE DOOR IN FRONT OF VJ OPENS, CAP ALEJANDRO AND JOEY RUN OUT AND RUN INTO VJ...THEY FALL DOWN..A GREEN RING FLIES OUT OF VJS BELLY BUTTON (SONG ENDS) CAP PICKS IT UP

CAP: THE HELL IS THIS

VJ: I DUNNO..I FOUND IT IN A CHEST...

CAP: WHY DID YOU STICK IT IN YOUR BELLYBUTTON...

VJ: WHY DO YOU STICK DICKS UP YOUR ASS!

CAP: I DONT!

VJ: ME NEITHER

THE GHOST APPEARS BEHIND HIM

GHOST: RAWWR

CAP: SHUT UP

CAP THROWS THE RING AT VJ, IT HITS HIS STOMACHE AND FLIES INTO THE GHOST'S OPEN NECK WOUND...HE STARTS TO SHAKE...

GHOST: RAAAAAA (GASP)

THE GHOST BURST INTO LIGHT AND FLIES TO THE SKY

JOEY: I KNEW HE WAS A PUNK

JEEVES ENTERS THREW ONE OF THE DOORS

CAP: WELL WE STOPPED THE GHOST..I GUESS THIS HOUSE IS MINE

JEEVES: NOT QUIET...THERES 5 MORE GHOST HERE YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF..

CAP: 5..YOU SAID ONE

JEEVES: I SAID STOP ALL THE STRANGE NOISES...I MEAN...YOU COULD ALWAYS LEAVE...AND I KEEP THE HOUSE

CAP: NO..THIS HOUSE..WILL BE MINE!

VJ: SO YOU KNEW THERE WAS GHOST HERE THIS ENTIRE TIME

JEEVES: YES..I FIGURED IF I TOLD YOU THE TRUTH YOU WOULD NEVER SHOW UP

CAP: SO...THERES ONLY SIX GHOST..WELL FIVE NOW..

JEEVES: NO..THERES MORE..BUT THERES FIVE EVIL GHOST..THE REST ARE FRIENDLY

VJ: HOW WILL WE KNOW THE DIFFERANCE?

JEEVES: BECAUSE..THEY WILL PROBABLY TRY TO KILL YOU...

CAP: HOW DO WE KILL GHOST WITHOUT MORE RINGS...

JEEVES: THERES MORE RINGS HIDDEN THREW OUT THE HOUSE...THE MASTER HIDDEN THEM THREW OUT THE HOUSE...

VJ: WELL..MY CRAIGSLIST ADD SAID THERES A SEXY LITTLE BLONDE BITCH HERE.. I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET HER TODAY

JOEY: THATS THE ONE IM SLEEPING WITH

VJ: DO WHAT?

JEEVES: YOU MUST BE TALKING ABOUT SUGAR

JOEY AND VJ: WHERE IS SHE?

JEEVES: SHE WILL FIND YOU...IF SHE WANTS YOU...

CAP: LETS GO HUNT SOME GHOST

JEEVES: HAHA..WATCH OUT...THE MASTER DOESNT LIKE STRANGERS IN HIS HOUSE

CAP: MY HOUSE...

JEEVES: GOOD LUCK BOYS...HAPPY HUNTING

JEEVES WALKS AWAY...

CAP: ALRIGHT BOYS YOU HEARD HIM...5 GHOST...THAT MEANS WE NEED TO SPLIT UP TO COVER MORE GROUND..

VJ: I DONT KNOW..WOULDNT IT BE SAFER IF WE STICKED TOGETHER

CAP: DONT BE A TYPICAL BLACK GUY IN A SPOOKY PLACE VJ...WE NEED TO BE TOUGH...

VJ: OKAY

(IN A DARK ROOM) SIX SILHOUETTES ARE WATCHING THEM ON A CRYSTAL BALL...ONE OF THE SILHOUETTES WALKS OUT OF THE SHADOWS..ITS A GHOST,  
HE HAS SPIKEY BLACK HAIR, HES BLUE, HE HAS ON A BLACK TUXEDO, DRESS PANTS AND SHOES..HES THE MASTER

MASTER: THAT LITTLE BASTARD IS OUT TRYING TO SEND US TO THE OTHER SIDE...HE SENT IN SOME TWO BIT TEAM TO GET RID OF US..HA!

SILHOUETTE: (OLDER FEMALE) THEY ALREADY KILLED BUCKY

MASTER: IT LOOKS LIKE THERE SPLITTING UP...EACH OF YOU TAKE OUT ONE OF THEM...

(TIME ELASP) ALEJANDRO IS WALKING THREW THE MANSION.. HE GETS TO A LARGE PINK DOOR WITH SPARKLES ON IT...

ALEJANDRO: THIS DOOR LOOKS IMPORTANT...

ALEJANDRO WALKS IN..ITS A LITTLE GIRLS ROOM..THERES A GIANT DOLLHOUSE..THERES CRAYON DRAWN PICTURES ALL OVER THE ROOM...ONE OF THEM IS SIGNED BY ABBY

ALEJANDRO: HUH..INTERESTING...

A LITTLE GIRL LAUGHS... ALEJANDRO LOOKS AROUND

ALEJANDRO: HELLO?

A SILHOUETTE RUNS BEHIND ALEJANDRO...ALEJANDRO TURNS AROUND..

ALEJANDRO: HELLO...

ALEJANDRO TURNS BACK AROUND..A LITTLE NINE YEAR OLD GHOST GIRL IN A BLUE DRESS IS THERE...SHES ABBY

ABBY: COME PLAY WITH ME

ALEJANDRO: UHHHH

ABBY HOLDS OUT HER HAND AND GREEN MAGIC FLIES AT ALEJANDRO...ALEJANDRO SHRINKS TO ABOUT EIGHT INCHES...ABBY GETS IN THE FLOOR...

ABBY: MY NEW DOLLY...

ALEJANDRO: UHH NO...

ABBY: YES

ABBY SMACKS ALEJANDRO ACROSS THE ROOM...ALEJANDRO IS BRUISED UP...ABBY GRABS ALEJANDRO...

ALEJANDRO: OHHH NO...

(TIME ELASP) ALEJANDRO IS IN THE DOLL HOUSE..THERES FOUR OTHER SMALL PEOPLE IN THERE..THREE GIRLS AND ONE GUY...

ABBY: HEY DOLLIES..THIS IS ALEJANDRO

THERE HEADS MOVE AND LOOK AT ALEJANDRO...

GUY 1: OH GREAT..ANOTHER GUY! JUST WHAT WE NEED

ALEJANDRO: AHHH THERE ALIVE

ABBY: YES..OF COURSE...THEY WERE OTHER PEOPLE WONDERING AROUND MY HOUSE...JUST LIKE YOU

GIRL: HEY IM KINDY

GUY 1: MARTH

GUY 2: LOVE CHILD

GUY 3: XALDO

ALEJANDRO: LOVE CHILD? XALDO

XALDO: IM SPANISH

LOVE CHILD: THATS MY NEW NAME..BUT ITS NOT MY BIRTH NAME...I RENAMED MYSELF THAT BACK IN THE 60S...

ABBY: ON THE LAST EPISODE OF KINDYS DREAM HOUSE... XALDO WAS COUGHT KINDY CHEATING ON HIM WITH LOVE CHILD...AGAIN...

ALEJANDRO: WHATS THIS?

ABBY: ITS MY REALITY SHOW...NOW SHUT IT!

ABBY PUTS LOVE CHILD AND KINDY IN THE BEDROOM IN BED, AND XALDO STANDING IN THE ROOM

ABBY: AND ACTION!

XALDO: REALLY! AGAIN KINDY

KINDY: IM SORRY...BUT..ITS HARD BEING THE ONLY GIRL IN THE WORLD...

XALDO: THAT BULLSHIT...THERES ONLY 3 GUYS IN THE WORLD..AND IF I HAFT TO.. ILL KILL THE OTHER TWO JUST SO I CAN BE WITH YOU..I WILL

XALDO PULLS OUT A FIRE AXE...

XALDO: GOODBYE LOVE CHILD

LOVE CHILD: CHILL MAN!

KINDY: WAIT..THERES NOT ONLY THREE GUYS LEFT... THERES FOUR

XALDO: ANOTHER GUY

KINDY: MY TWIN BROTHER

ALEJANDRO APPEARS BEHIND XALDO..XALDO TURNS AROUND..ALEJANDRO PUNCHES XALDO IN THE FACE AND KNOCKS HIM OUT...

ALEJANDRO: YOU OKAY SIS..

KINDY: I AM NOW BIG BROTHER

KINDY JUMPS OUT OF BED AND HUGS ALEJANDRO...SHE LOOKS UP AT HIM...THEY KISS..ALEJANDRO LOOKS UP AT ABBY

ALEJANDRO: THIS IS KIND OF MESSED UP KID...

ABBY: SHUT IT

ALEJANDRO: I ALSO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AT HOME...

XALDO WAKES UP

XALDO: CAN YOU BRING HER HERE

ALEJANDRO: NO!

ABBY: PLAY ALONG..OR ILL RIP BOTH YOUR ARMS OFF

KINDY: ITS STEVE ALL OVER AGAIN...

ALEJANDRO: OKAY..I LOVE YOU SISTER..IN MORE WAYS THEN ONE..APPARENTLY

KINDY: LETS RUN-

LOVE CHILD: UHHH..DO I STILL NEED TO BE HERE...

ABBY: SHUT IT.. YOUR RUINING IT!

LOVE CHILD: IM JUST SAYING

ABBY: THATS IT!

ABBY REACHES HER ARM IN THE ROOM, KNOCKING ALEJANDRO AND KINDY ACROSS THE ROOM, ALEJANDROS HEAD HITS A TREASURE CHEST...IT POPS OPEN.. ABBY GRABS LOVE CHILD...

ABBY: THEN ALEJANDRO GOT MAD...AND CHOPPED UP LOVE CHILD..TO BITS

LOVE CHILD: ...UHH WAIT

ALEJANDRO LOOKS IN THE CHEST...THERES A GREEN RING..  
ABBY: FIRST THING...ALEJANDRO CUTS OFF LOVE CHILDS ARM..  
ABBY RIPS LOVE CHILDS ARM OFF, HE SCREAMS...BLOOD POORS OUT OF HIS ARM...LOVE CHILD SCREAMS...

LOVE CHILD: YOU STUPID BITCH!

SHE PULLS OUT A LIGHTER AND CAUTERIZES THE WOUND..LOVE CHILD SCREAMS...ALEJANDRO WALKS OVER..

ABBY: BACK TO PLACE DOLL!

ALEJANDRO THROWS THE RING IN ABBYS MOUTH..SHE STARTS CHOKING...HER EYES TURN GREEN..SHE FLIES UP INTO THE SKY...ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE RETURN TO NORMAL SIZE..THE DOLL HOUSE SHATTERS...LOVE CHILD IS SWEATING...HE LOOKS OVER AT HIS ARM...

XALDO: YOU OKAY LOVE CHILD

LOVE CHILD: THAT BITCH MAN...SHE...SHE RIPPED OFF MY ARM...

ALEJANDRO: WELL...LETS GET OUT OF HERE...

(TIME ELASP) VJ IS WALKING DOWN A HALLWAY...HES GETS TO A STAIRWELL...THE STAIRS ARE OLD AND FALLING APART..

VJ: SEEMS SAFE...

VJ RUNS UP THE STAIRS..IT COLLAPSES...HE FALLS DOWN A GIANT HOLE...

VJ: AHHHHHHH!

(IN A EMPTEY PARKING LOT) VJ AND CAPTAIN COOL ARE IN THE SIN EATER ...

VJ: SEE THIS IS WHY I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE SO EARLY...WE HAVE 30 MINIUTES BEFORE HASTINGS OPENS

CAP: BUT..IT GIVES US PLENTY OF TIME FOR QUALITY TIME...

VJ: GAY!...DUDE..ITS HOT AS HELL IN HERE..

CAP: ITS YOUR CAR..TURN ON THE AIR...

VJ: THATS TO COLD

VJ CRACKS THE WINDOW...VJ CLOSES HIS EYES

VJ: ALRIGHT FAGOT BOY..IM NAPPING...DONT WAKE ME

A SPIDER CRAWLS IN THE WINDOW...

CAP: UHHH..UMMM..OH NO...VJS SCARED TO DEATH OF SPIDERS

IT CRAWLS ON THE CELLING OF THE CAR..IT HANGS DOWN ON A SPIDER WEB ABOVE VJS HEAD...

CAP: UHH VJ

VJ: I TOLD YOU..DONT WAKE ME..

VJ OPENS HIS EYES...HE SEES THE SPIDER

VJ: GAAA! CAPTAIN COOL HELP!

CAP: DUDE ITS JUST A SPIDER...WHAT CAN IT DO?

THE SPIDER JUMPS DOWN..IT STARTS SHREDING OFF VJS CLOTHES..VJS NAKED...IT FLIPS VJS AROUND...

VJ: HELP ME CAPTAIN COOL! HES RAPING ME!

CAP: UHHHH! ARE YOU SURE!

VJ: NO...BUT IF I WAS HIM I WOULD BE...CAPTAIN COOL...YOU GOT TO GET HIM OUT!

CAP: UHH I DONT KNOW..HOW?

VJ LOOKS OVER AT CAPTAIN COOL CRYING

VJ: (CRYING) PLEASE...BEST BUDDY

CAP: HUFF...ALRIGHT

CAP SCOOTS CLOSER..HE LOOKS IN VJS ASS...ITS GIGANTIC...

CAP: JESUS CHRIST..YOUR ASS IS THE SIZE OF A CITY

VJ: HAHA YEAH I KNOW RIGHT

CAP: OKAY...HERE WE GO

CAP STICKS HIS FINGER IN VJS BUTT...

VJ: NOOOOOOO! THAT HURTS...

CAP: HOW..I SHOULD BE ABLE TO STICK A CAR IN HERE

VJ: THE FINGER...ITS TO MUCH! YOUR GONNA HAFT TO USE YOUR TONGUE...

CAP: NOPE...NOT GONNA HAPPEN...

VJ: PLEASE...IF SOMEONE OR SOMETHING TRIES TO RAPE YOU...ILL STOP THEM...SO THIS IS LIKE A GET OUT OF RAPE FREE CARD...

CAP: OHHH..NO...I CANT..

VJ: ...PA PA PA PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME..

CAP: IM GOING TO REGRET THIS!

CAP STICKS HIS TOUNGE IN VJS ASS...VJ SMILES...

CAP: DID I GET IT?

VJ: NO..NOT YET

VJ LOOKS OVER...THE SPIDER IS ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE WINDOW...VJ ROLLS UP THE WINDOW

VJ: YOUR GETTING CLOSE BUDDY...

VJ LOOKS OVER AT THE WINDOW...A OLD LADY IS STARING AT THEM...

VJ: UH OH...THIS PROBABLY LOOKS WEIRD...I KNOW

VJ STARTS MASTERBATING

VJ: THERE...MAKES IT LOOK LESS AKWARD...

VJ WAVES AT HER..

(IN A KITCHEN) VJ WAKES UP...TIED TO A CHAIR...  
VJ: HUH...

VJ LOOKS AROUND...

VOICE: (CAJUN ACCENT) NOW LOOKIE HERE NOW

A FAT GHOST IN A CHEFS OUTFIT WALKS IN...HES MARTY

VJ: UHHH A GHOST...

MARTY: OH NOW WE BOTH SHOULD BE ONE REAL SOON...

VJ: WHERE AM I

MARTY: YOU IN FAMOUS CHEF MARTYS KITCHEN! GETTING READY FOR THE MEAL OF A LIFE TIME

VJ: AHH SWEET! WHAT ARE YOU MAKING

MARTY: GUMBO..AND YOUR THE MAIN INGREDIANT...

VJ: HUH...IS IT FUNNY THAT IM STILL KIND OF EXCITED...

MARTY: NO CHILD...EVEN THOUGH YOUR LIFE ENDS HERE...EVERYONE SHOULD BE EXCITED ABOUT MY GUMBO

VJ: WAIT...CAN GHOST EAT?

MARTY: NO..BUT..THEY DO

VJ TURNS AROUND...THERES SIX GIANT SPIDERS SITTING IN A WEB...EACH SPIDER HAS ITS OWN COLOR..BLUE, RED, GREEN, PINK, WHITE, ORANGE

VJ: NOPE

VJ FLEXES HIS BODY, RIPS THE ROPE AND BUST OUT AND GETS OUT

MARTY: OH MY WORD

VJ RUNS AWAY

MARTY: GO GET HIM MY BABIES

THE SPIDERS RUN AFTER HIM

MARTY: LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULER! HAHAHA!

(TIME ELASP) VJ RUNS DOWN A HALLWAY...THE SPIDERS CHASE AFTER HIM...

VJ RUNS IN A ROOM...THE SPIDERS RUSH IN AFTER HIM...VJS GONE...THE SPIDERS LOOK AROUND...A GRANDFATHER CLOCK TIPS OVER...AND IT LANDS ON TOP OF THE PINK SPIDER AND SQUASHES IT...VJ IS THERE BEHIND THE CLOCK...THEY LOOK AT HIM

VJ: AHHHH I HATE SPIDERS!

VJ TURNS AROUND AND RUNS THREW THE WALL...THE SPIDERS CHASE AFTER HIM...HE RUNS UP A STAIRWELL...THE SPIDERS RUN IN A STAIRWELL...A BOWLING BALL DROPS DOWN AND SQUASHES THE GREEN SPIDER...THEY LOOK UP AND SEE VJ...

VJ: YOU GUYS MAD?

THEY RUN UP THE STAIRS AFTER HIM, VJ TAKES OFF...THE SPIDERS GET TO A NEW FLOOR...THEY LOOK AROUND...THEY GET TO A LARGE ROOM WITH A LARGE DOUBLE DOOR WITH A CREST ON IT..THE CREST HAS FOUR DESIGNS ON IT..ONE IS OF A DRAGON, ONE IS OF A KNIGHT, ONE IS OF A KING, AND ONE IS OF A CASTLE...THE SPIDERS OPEN UP THE DOORS AND GO IN...THEY LOOK AROUND...THERES A BUNCH OF KNIGHT ARMOR AND ANCIENT WEAPONS LAYING AROUND...ONE OF THE KNIGHTS IS REALLY FAT...THEY WALK AROUND...THE FAT KNIGHT GRABS A MACE AND THROWS IT AT THE ORANGE SPIDER SQUASHING IT...THEY LOOK OVER AT HIM...

VJ: SHOULDNT HAVE THROWN THAT...

VJ GRABS A SWORD..

VJ: COME AT ME BRO!

THE SPIDERS SHOOT SPIDER WEBS AROUND VJS LEGS...THEY WRAP IT AROUND HIM TIGHT...THE BLUE AND RED SPIDERS RUN UP TO HIM...VJ FALLS DOWN AND SQUASHES THE RED SPIDER...VJ SWINGS THE SWORD CUTTING THE BLUE SPIDER IN HALF...SOMETHING IS GLOWING INSIDE THE GUTS OF THE BLUE SPIDER...

VJ: THERES SOMETHING IN THAT SPIDER

...VJ SLOWLY GRABS IT AND PUTS IT IN HIS BELLY BUTTON

VJ: KEEP THIS FOR LATER

THE WHITE SPIDER SHOOTS WEBS..AROUND VJS ARMS AND TORSO...THE SPIDER WALKS IN FRONT OF VJS FACE...

VJ: GAAAAAAAAA!

THE SPIDER SHOOTS WEBS OVER VJS FACE...(TIME ELASP) THE WHITE SPIDER VERY SLOWLY DRAGS VJ BACK INTO THE KITCHEN...MARTY SMILES ` AND GRABS HIS HANDS...

MARTY: AHHH YES...YOU HAVE COUGHT THE LITTLE BOGGA...WHERE THE OTHERS...OH NO..THERE DEAD...

MARTY GRABS A KITCHEN KNIFE...

MARTY: THEN I GUESS WE BETTER MAKE YOU THE BEST GUMBO...OF ALL TIME!

(TIME ELASP) VJ IS NAKED IN A GIANT POT OF GUMBO ON TOP OF A OVEN...

MARTY IS CUTTING UP SOME ONIONS..

MARTY: YOU KILLED FIVE OF MY CHILDERN...YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW PISSED I REALLY AM...

VJ: DUDE..LETS TALK ABOUT THIS..I HAVEN'T WASHED MY BALLS IN LIKE TWO DAYS..AND ITS STEWING IN YOUR GUMBO...

MARTY: MY CHILD WONT MIND..

VJ PULLS OUT A GREEN RING FROM HIS BELLY BUTTON...

VJ: YOU KNOW..I FOUND SOMETHING...INSIDE ONE OF YOUR SPIDERS

MARTY STOPS CUTTING ONIONS...HE LOOKS AT VJ..

MARTY: WHAT?

VJ: ITS IN MY HAND

MARTY WALKS TO THE POT..HE LOOKS AT VJS HAND...HIS HAND IS CLOSED

MARTY: SHOW ME

VJ HOLDS UP HIS HAND...HE JAMS THE RING IN MARTYS EYE...

MARTY: AHHHHH YOU DIRTY LITTLE

MARTY FLIES UP IN THE SKY...

VJ: THANK GOD THATS-

THE SPIDER JUMPS IN THE POT WITH VJ

VJ: GAAAAAA!

VJ TRIES TO PUSH THE SPIDER OUT, IT STARTS SNAPPING AT HIM..VJ STARTS PISSING ALL OVER THE POT...

VJ: GET OFF ME...I FUCKING HATE SPIDERS!

VJ AND THE POT FALL OFF THE OVEN..VJ LANDS DOWN SQUISHING THE SPIDER..VJ JUMPS UP NAKED COVERED IN GUMBO AND SPIDER GUTS..VJ PUSHES IT OFF OF HIM...

VJ: I GOT TO TELL THE OTHERS OF MY EPIC VICTORY OVER THESE SPIDERS

(IN A LONG HALLWAY) JOEY IS WALKING..THERES DOORS EVERYWHERE...HE GETS TO A LARGE PINK DOOR...JOEY SEES IT...THERES A SIGN ON THE DOOR..IT SAYS SUGARS ROOM

JOEY: WAIT! THATS THE NAME OF THAT GIRL VJ WAS TALKING ABOUT..

JOEY ENTERS THE ROOM...INSIDE THE ROOM IS A ROCKING CHAIR A LARGE PINK BED AND OLD PHOTOS SURRONDING THE ROOM..JOEY WALKS TO SOME OF THE PHOTOS..ONE OF THE PHOTOS IS OF A BLONDE GIRL IN A OLD TIME ONE PIECE SWIM SUIT

JOEY: OHH DAMN GIRL

THERES A PICTURE OF THE MASTER ALIVE SHAKING HANDS WITH JAMES GARFIELD, THERES A PICTURE OF THE BLONDE GIRL HUGGING KENNETH

WOMAN VOICE: (BEHIND JOEY) HEY THERE MR

JOEY TURNS AROUND..THERES A OLD LADY GHOST SITTING IN THE ROCKING CHAIR...

JOEY: HAVE YOU SEEN THAT BLONDE GIRL IN THE PICTURE..HER NAME IS SUGAR...

LADY: YES...THATS ME..

JOEY: OHH...SHIT...

SUGAR: HEY..IM JUST AS FREAKY NOW DEAD THEN I WAS ALIVE..

JOEY: REALLY? OOHH RIGHT

JOEY GETS NAKED

SUGAR: HOLY SHIT KID IM DEAD ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO DO THIS?

JOEY: THATS NEVER STOPPED ME BEFORE

(TIME ELASP) JOEY AND SUGAR ARE HAVING SEX...

JOEY: I DONT KNOW HOW THIS IS POSSIBLE...BUT THIS IS THE BEST SEX IVE EVER HAD!

(TIME ELASP) JOEY AND SUGAR ARE CUDDLED UP UNDER THE COVERS BOTH SMOKING CIGARETTES...

JOEY: HEY...

SUGAR: YEAH...

JOEY: IM SUPPOSED TO BE HUNTING GHOST DOWN...

SUGAR: I KNOW...WE WATCHED YOU...

JOEY: WE?

SUGAR: ME..ABBY, MARTY, BARNEY, AND THE MASTER

JOEY: OHHH...

SUGAR: I KNEW YOU WERE SWEET THOUGH...WEIRD..BUT SWEET

JOEY: I DONT WANT TO SEND YOU TO THE OTHER SIDE

SUGAR: HONEY...YOU GOT TO DO IT..IVE BEEN ALIVE FOR A LONG TIME... ITS TIME I GO...OPEN THE DOOR

SUGAR POINTS AT A DRESSER DOOR..JOEY WALKS OVER TO IT..HE OPENS IT...INSIDE IS A GREEN RING...JOEY LOOKS BACK AT SUGAR

JOEY: ONE LAST TIME BEFORE YOU GO?

SUGAR SMILES AND PATS THE BED...SUGAR PUTS OUT HER CIGARETTE IN A ASHTRAY ON A TABLE NEXT TO THE BED..

SUGAR: COME ON SWEET THANG

JOEY SMILES...THE SONG BRICK HOUSE BY COMMODORES...JOEY SLOWLY STRUTS TOWARDS THE BED...HE PUTS OUT THE CIGARETTE IN THE ASHTRAY JUMPS ON TOP OF THE BED...HE STARTS DANCING ON THE BED OVER HER...SHE GRABS HIM AND PULLS HIM ON TOP OF HER...  
THEY START HAVING SEX... (TIME ELASP) THE CAMERA PANS TO THE SIDE OF THE BED..THE BED IS SHAKING...

SUGAR: OHHH JOEY!

JOEY: OHHH YEAH...GRAAAA

THE BED STARTS SHAKING REAL FAST...THE BED LEGS SNAP AND THE BED SLAMS TO THE GROUND...

SUGAR: MY LAST TIME...WAS THE BEST TIME (SONG STOPS) (TIME ELASP) SUGAR IS SITTING IN THE ROCKING CHAIR WEARING A BATH ROBE..  
JOEY IS ONLY WEARING A PAIR OF JEANS..JOEY IS HOLDING THE RING...

JOEY: ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT THIS?

SUGAR: ITS FOR YOU BABY...GO AHEAD...

JOEY PUTS THE RING AGAINST HER FOREHEAD...SUGAR SCREAMS...HER EYES LIGHT UP GREEN...SHE FLIES UP TO THE SKY...

JOEY: GOODBYE...MY SUGAR...

(OUTSIDE IN A LARGE GARDEN AREA) 4AM... CAPTAIN COOL IS WALKING AROUND...THERES WIND BLOWING...

VOICE: WELL ANDY WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

CAP: HELLO?

VOICE: WELL SOME OF US GOT IT, SOME OF US AINT

CAP: WHO IS THAT?

BARNEY: HE BUTTERED HER UP AND SHE EGGED HIM ON

CAP: I KNOW THAT VOICE...

THE GHOST OF BARNEY FIFE APPEARS...

CAP: OH MY GOD...ITS BARNEY!

BARNEY: NOW WHO ARE YOU?

CAP: IM CAPTAIN COOL!

BARNEY: NEAT...WELL WHAT YA DOIN HERE

CAP: TRYING TO CLAIM THE MANSION AS MY OWN

BARNEY: OH I SEE..YA I REMEMBER YOU...YOU TOOK DOWN THE GUY WITH THE HOLE IN HIS THROAT...

CAP: I DID...

BARNEY: YOU SEE..I HATE IT HERE...I WISH I COULD MOVE ON TO THE OTHER SIDE...YOU SEE... THE GREEN RINGS..THEY DONT WORK ON ME..IVE TRIED...I JUST WANT TO GO TO THE OTHER SIDE...AND HOPEFULLY PEOPLE WOULD RECOGNIZE ME AGAIN...

CAP: I RECOGNIZED YOU

BARNEY: OH YOU DONT MATTER...I JUST WANT TO FEEL IMPORTANT AGAIN...

CAP: I THINK I KNOW HOW TO I CAN HELP YOU..

BARNEY: HOW?

(TIME ELASP) CAP IS HOLDING A MICROPHONE.. WORDS APPEAR AT THE BOTTOM LEFT HAND OF THE SCREEN, AS CAPTAIN COOL IT SAYS

COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA HAUNTED THE BEST OF COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA COOL KIDS WITH ASTHMA RECORDS

THE MUSIC FROM WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE BY BON JOVI STARTS PLAYING...

CAP: IM STUCK HERE ALL ALONE, INSIDE THIS HAUNTED HOUSE, SPIDERS AND GHOST CLAIM THIS PLACE, BUT SOON I WILL, OWN THIS PLACE..  
BUT THERES ONE THING..STUCK IN MY WAY.. HES A DEAPUTEY, IN MAYBERRY HE LIVED..IM HAUNTED! BY BARNEY FIFE...

BARNEY: NIP IT IN THE BUD

CAP: HES THE LAWMAN..WHO CARRIES ONE BULLET IN HIS GUN, HE DOESNT DO IT FOR MONEY HE JUST DOES IT FOR FUN..HE WORKS ALL DAY UNDER THE SUN! CRIMINALS TREMBLE OF THE MENTION OF HIS NAME! HES NOT IN IT FOR THE FAME! HES A DEPUTY IN MAYBERRY..IM HAUNTED BY BARNEY FIFE, IM HAUNTED! BY BARNEY FIFE

BARNEY: THERES TWO KINDS OF DEPUTY...QUICK AND DEAD...

A GHOST STARTS PLAYING GUITAR SOLO

BARNEY: THATS MY TRIGGER FINGER...YOU DAMAGE THAT...AND ILL HAFT TO QUIT THE BUSINESS

CAP: HES A DEPUTY.. IN MAYBERRY! IM HAUNTED! HAUNTED!...BY BARNEY FIFE! ...HES THE COOLEST COP IN THE AFTER LIFE...HELL HE WAS ALSO THE COOLEST COP ALIVE..HES THE RIGHT HAND MAN TO ANDY THE BOYS IN BLUE, HE GOES HOME EVERY NIGHT TO THELMA LOU, HES THE BRILLIANT MASTER MIND, HE ALWAYS GETS THE JOB DONE! DONT FORGET HE DID HIS PART TO LICK THE DREADED HUN! OH YEAH HES A DEPUTY..IN MAYBERRY! IM HAUNTED..HAUNTED! BY BARNEY FIFE! HES A DEPUTY IN MAYBERRY..IM HAUNTED BY BARNEY FIFE!  
HES A DEPUTY! WITH ANDY ON HIS SIDE! YEESS IM HAUNTED! BY BARNEY FIFE! OHH BARNEY FIFE! BARNEY FIFE! BARNEY FIFE!  
BARNEY..FIFE... (SONG ENDS)

BARNEY: WELL THAT WAS THE BEST SONG I EVER DID HEAR.. I GIVE YA THAT...

BARNEYS EYES TURN GREEN

BARNEY: THAK YOU

BARNEY FLIES UP TO THE SKY...

CAP DROPS THE MICROPHONE...

CAP: THAT...HAD TO BE THE COOLEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE...

THE MASTER IS ON THE ROOF WATCHING CAPTAIN COOL...

MASTER: WELL DONE CAPTAIN COOL...YOU AND YOUR LITTLE PALS HAVE TOOK OUT MY LOVED ONES...THIS IS MY MANOR..AND BEFORE THE NIGHT IS OVER..YOU WILL BE PERMANENT HOUSE HOLD MEMBERS HERE

CAP: I KNOW..BECAUSE AFTER I SEND YOU TO THE OTHER SIDE...THIS PLACE WILL BE MINE!

THE MASTER TOSSES A KEY TO CAPTAIN COOL...CAPTAIN COOL MISSES IT...HE LOOKS AROUND FOR IT ON THE GROUND...

MASTER: OVER THERE...

CAP: WHERE?

MASTER: BEHIND YOU

CAP TURNS AROUND...HE LOOKS AROUND...

MASTER: YOU ALMOST STEPPED ON IT! YOU CAN TOUCH IT

CAP: I DONT SEE IT!

MASTER: JESUS...

THE MASTER HANDS GLOW GREEN..THE KEY LIFTS UP OFF THE GROUND AND FLIES IN FRONT OF CAPS FACE..CAP GRABS IT...

CAP: GOT IT

MASTER: COME.. TO THE DANCE HALL WHEN YOUR READY TO FACE ME...HAHAHAHAHA

THE MASTER WALKS AWAY...

CAP PUTS THE KEY IN HIS POCKET...

(TIME ELASP) ALEJANDRO, XALDO, KINDY, MANDY, AND LOVE CHILD ARE WALKING DOWN A LONG HALLWAY...LOVE CHILD IS SWEATING HOLDING HIS ARM...HES SWEATING...THEY GET TO A ELEVATOR...ALEJADRO PRESSES A BUTTON..THE ELEVTOR DOOR OPENS... THEY GET INSIDE...THERES 666 FLOORS TO THE MANOR

KINDY: THERES NO WAY

ALEJANDRO: HOW MANY FLOOR ARE THERE?

LOVE CHILD: OHHH MAN...I DONT KNOW..IVE BEEN IN THAT LITTLE GIRLS ROOM FOR AT LEAST FOR 40 YEARS...I LOST COUNT AFTER THAT

MARTH: WELL...WHICH FLOOR

XALDO: PERHAPS THE TOP FLOOR

ALEJANDRO: THERES NOW WAY WERE GOING TO FLOOR 666...

KINDY: HOW ABOUT 1...

ALEJANDRO: THAT WORKS...

ALEJANDRO HITS THE ONE BUTTON...THE LIGHTS FLICKER...THE LIGHTS GO OFF...THEY COME BACK ON...THE MASTER IS IN THE ELEVATOR...  
HE PULLS OUT A SHARP KNIFE FROM HIS GLOVE...HE JAMS THE KNIFE IN MARTHS THROAT...HE REPEATEDLY STABS HIM IN THE NECK..BLOOD SPRAYS ALL OVER THE ELEVATOR...KINDY SCREAMS...ALEJANDRO RUSHES OVER..THE MASTER PUSHES ALEJANDRO IN THE CHEST..ALEJANDRO FLIES BACK AGAINST THE WALL... ALEJANDRO IS KNOCKED OUT.. MARTH DIES...LOVE CHILD IS ON THE GROUND CRYING...XALDO RUNS OVER AND GRABS THE MASTER BY THE BACK...THE MASTER STABS XALDO IN HIS LEG...XALDO SCREAMS...THE MASTER RIPS OUT THE BLADE...THE LIGHTS FLICKER...THE LIGHTS GO OUT...THE LIGHTS COME BACK ON...THE MASTER IS GONE...XALDO IS ON THE GROUND HOLDING HIS LEG AS BLOOD GUSHES OUT...KINDY WALKS OVER TO XALDO...SHE STARTS CRYING... THE GHOST OF MARTH RISES OUT OF MARTHS BODY..

MARTH: HOLY SHIT..IM...IM A GHOST!

LOVE CHILD: MAN...I NEVER SHOULD HAVE COME HERE...

THE ELEVATOR STOPS..IT STOPS ON FLOOR 13...THE DOORS OPEN...LOVE CHILD RUNS OUT THE ELEVATOR...(TIME ELASP) ALEJANDRO AND KINDY HOLD UP XALDO...LOVE CHILD WALKS IN FRONT OF THEM...

LOVE CHILD: MAN..WE SHOULD...STOP..AND REST FOR A WHILE...

ALEJANDRO: YEAH...WE CAN BANDAGE UP XALDO TOO

XALDO: SOUNDS GOOD TO ME

LOVE CHILD GOES TO A NEON GREEN DOOR...LOVE CHILD OPENS THE DOOR..INSIDE IS A ROOM FILLED WITH ZOMBIES...THEY GRAB LOVE CHILD AND PULL HIM INSIDE...THEY START BITING HIM AND RIPPING HIM APART...LOVE CHILD SCREAMS

LOVE CHILD: NOOOO! PLEASE! HELP ME!

ALEJANDRO SLAMS THE DOOR SHUT...

KINDY: LOVE CHILD!

ALEJANDRO: ITS TO LATE FOR HIM NOW...

THEY KEEP GOING...THEY START RUNNING FASTER NOW...XALDO FALLS TO THE GROUND

KINDY: NOOO!

A SKELETON WALKS OUT OF A BLUE NEON DOOR, HE HAS A SWORD...XALDO TRIES TO CRAWL AWAY... THE SKELETON STABS XALDO THREW HIS SKULL...BLOOD SPEWS OUT HIS FACE..THE FLOOR CRUMBLES UNDER ALEJANDRO HE FALLS DOWN A HOLE...HE LOOKS UP..KINDY REACHES OUT HER HAND FOR HIM...THE SKELTON STABS HER THREW THE CHEST...BLOOD SPEWS OUT OF HER CHEST...(DARKNESS)

(TIME ELASP) VJ IS WALKING DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS..VJ IS DRESSED AGAIN...

VJ: I REALLY FUCKING HATE THIS PLACE

VJ GETS TO THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS..THERES A METAL DOOR..IT HAS A SIGN THAT SAYS DO NOT ENTER..VJ KNOCKS OFF THE SIGN

VJ: OPPPS..WHAT DID IT SAY...

VJ OPENS THE DOOR..ITS COMPLETE DARKNESS..HE GOES INSIDE

(IN A LONG HALLWAY) CAP IS WALKING...HE PASSES KNIGHTS ARMOR...ONE OF THEM LOOKS OVER AT CAP...CAP LOOKS OVER AT IT..THE KNIGHT LOOK BACK...CAP WALKS OVER TO IT...HE KNOCKS ON ITS CHEST...ITS HEAD FALLS OFF AND HITS CAP IN THE HEAD..CAP STUMBLES BACK...HE HOLDS HIS HEAD...CAP SHAKES HIS HEAD...JOEY JUMPS OUT OF THE KNIGHTS ARMOR AND LANDS DOWN ON THE GROUND

JOEY: TA- DA

CAP SMILES

CAP: JOEY!

JOEY: COCK BRAIN!

CAP: LETS GO... WERE ALMOST TO THE DANCE HALL...

JOEY: RIGHT LETS GO!

THEY RUN OFF...THEY GET TO A GIANT GOLDEN DOOR...CAP PULLS OUT THE KEY...CAP UNLOCKS THE GOLDEN DOOR...THE DOOR OPENS..THEY WALK IN...INSIDE IS A GIANT DANCE HALL...INSIDE THE MASTER IS SITTING IN A FANCY BLUE CHAIR...

MASTER: AHHH...CAPTAIN COOL AND JOEY..THE GANGS ALL HERE

CAP: WHAT?

THE MATER POINTS AT VJ AND ALEJANDRO ARE INSIDE A COFFIN SITTING UP ON THE WALL...

CAP: NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONT TO THEM

MASTER: THERE UNDER A SPELL...THEY CANT WAKE UP UNTIL I TELL THEM TOO

CAP: WAKE EM UP!

MASTER: NO..YOU GUYS TOOK OUT MY FAMILY..IM NOW..GOING TO KILL YOU...

JOEY: DONT MAKE US OUT TO BE THE BAD GUYS..JEEVES TOLD US YOU WERE EVIL!

MASTER: EVIL...IM NOT THE EVIL ONE..HE IS

(FLASHBACK) 1932- THE MASTER WAKES UP IN HIS BED AS A HUMAN..HE STRECHES OUT HIS ARMS...

MASTER: ALRIGHT...ANOTHER DAY OF BEING ME...

(TIME ELASP) MASTER ENTERS A DINING ROOM WITH A TABLE THAT STRETCHES 100 FEET...HE SITS DOWN...AT THE TABLE GRANNY SUGAR IS THERE WHOS HUMAN, THE GUY WITH A HOLE IN HIS NECK IS THERE WHOS HUMAN AND HAS NO HOLE IN HIS NECK..HES BUCKY, THERES ABBY WHO IS HUMAN. AND A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE WOMAN WEARING A PURPLE DRESS SHES LORA... THE MASTER WALKS IN...HE WALKS OVER TO LORA AND ABBY AND HUGS THEM..

MASTER: GOOD MORNING EVERYONE...HONEY..ABBY..

GRANNY: GOOD MORNING SON

MASTER: GOOD MORNING MOM..COUSIN BUCKY

BUCKY: GOOD MORNING COUSIN

THE MASTER SITS DOWN IN A CHAIR...MARTY (HUMAN) WALKS IN WITH PLATES OF FOOD..HE WALKS OVER TO THE TABEL AND PUTS FOOD IN FRONT OF EVERYONE...

MARTY: OHH THIS IS GOING TO BE A BREAKFEAST TO REMEMBER...OHH OMELTE WITH CHEESE AND MUSHROOMS..HEHE OH YES YOU ALL WILL LOVE MARTY TODAY

MASTER: SIT MARTY EAT WITH US...

MARTY: OHH WHAT A HONOR..

MARTY SITS DOWN AT THE TABEL...

SUGAR: SHOULD I GET THE NEW BUTLER..LET HIM SIT WITH US

MASTER: JEEVES...UMMM

ABBY: HE CREEPS ME OUT

MARTY: HE MAY BE LITTLE...BUT HES AS MEAN AS A MOMMA GATOR BOY..

MASTER: WELL..HES BEEN WORKING FOR US FOR A MONTH NOW..I THINK ITS TIME...

MARTY: I KNOW WHERE IS, ILL GO GET HIM

MARTY GETS UP AND EXITS THE ROOM...

BUCKY: SO...STILL NO WORD FROM MR. WRATH?

MASTER: NO...I GUESS ALL IS FORGIVEN..IVE HELPED HIM BUILT HIS EMPIRE..I THINK ITS ONLY FAIR I GOT WHAT I DID..

BUCKY: LETS HOPE HE THINKS SO TOO

LORA: NO BUSINESS TALK AT THE TABLE...

MARTY WALKS BACK IN THE TABLE...

MARTY: HE SAID NO...AND NOT TO BOTHER HIM AGAIN...

MARTY SITS DOWN AT THE TABLE...

BUCKY: LOOK...ILL LOOK AROUND...MAKE SURE HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS...

(IN ANOTHER ROOM) JEEVES IS WALKING DOWN A HALL...HE GETS TO A ROOM...HE GOES INSIDE..THERES A SUITCASE HE OPENS IT..INSIDE ITS FILLED GUNS AND AMMO...JEEVES SMILES...

JEEVES: TODAY...THEY'VE LIVED LONG ENOUGH...

(TIME ELASP) JEEVES EXITS HIS ROOM...HE WALKS DOWN THE HALL..BUCKY SNEAKS IN JEEVES ROOM...HE LOOKS AROUND...HE GRABS HIS PILLOW CASE AND PUTS HIS HAND INSIDE..HE PULLS OUT A PIECE OF PAPER...HE OPENS IT..IT READS JEEVES YOUR TARGET IS HENRY MASTER A MILLIONARE IN COOLSVILLE... HE LIVES IN A MANOR THERE.. KILL HIM AND HIS FAMILY...BUCKY STARTS SWEATING..ITS SIGNED ARNOLD WRATH BUCKY DROPS THE PAPER..THE DOOR SHUTS..JEEVES IS THERE POINTING A GUN AT BUCKY...

BUCKY: IF YOU SHOOT THAT...THEY WILL HEAR YOU AND KNOW EVERYTHING

JEEVES: THERE ALL OUTSIDE IN THE GARDEN...THEY WONT HEAR A THING

BUCKY: NO WAIT

JEEVES SHOOTS BUCKY IN THE THROAT HE FALLS DOWN BLOOD GUSHING OUT HIS NECK...HE HOLDS HIS NECK...

JEEVES: DONT YOU WORRY...YOUR FAMILY WILL DIE TODAY TOO...

BUCKY DIES...(TIME ELASP) THAT NIGHT... (IN THE KITCHEN) MARTY IS COOKING UP SOME FOOD...HES CUTTING SOME ONIONS...

MARTY: OHH IT IS FINALLY FINISHED

JEEVES APPEARS BEHIND MARTY

MARTY: OHH GOD...YOU SCARED ME...

JEEVES: IS THE DISH..FINISHED?

MARTY: IT IS...

JEEVES: GOOD

JEEVES PULLS OUT A NEEDLE AND INJECTS IT IN MARTYS LEG

MARTY: WHAT IN HELL ARE YOU DOIN?

JEEVES: GIVE IT A SECOND

MARTY: NOW IVE HAD ENOUGH..IM...SO...

MARTY FALLS DOWN..JEEVES GRABS HIM BY HIS NECK AS HE FALLS...JEEVES PULLS OUT A KNIFE..HE JAMS IT IN MARTYS CHEST...BLOOD POORS OUT...

(IN THE DINING ROOM) JEEVES BRINGS OUT A TRAY WITH FOOD ON IT...HE PUTS IT DOWN ON THE TABLE...

JEEVES: HERE WE GO...

MASTER: HEY JEEVES..WHY DONT YOU SIT WITH US...

JEEVES: NO

JEEVES WALKS AWAY...

MASTER: HEY..JEEVES..HAVE YOU SEEN BUCKY

JEEVES: NO...

JEVES EXITS THE ROOM...

EVERYONE GRABS THERE FOOD...LORA LOOKS DOWN AT THE FOOD...ITS SOUP...

ABBY: MOMMY CAN I HAVE SOME CRACKERS

LORA: LOOKS LIKE MARTY FORGOT TO GET ABBY HER CRACKERS..ILL GET THEM...

LORA GETS UP AND WALKS IN THE KITCHEN...LORA LOOKS AROUND... SHE SEES A SPECK OF BLOOD ON THE GROUND...

LORA: BLOOD...

LORA WALKS OVER TO A CLOSET DOOR...SHE OPENS IT...MARTYS DEAD BODY IS INSIDE...

LORA: NO...NOT AGAIN...BUT...THAT MEANS

LORA RUNS BACK IN THE OTHER ROOM...EVERYONE IS LYING FACE FIRST ON THE TABLE..DEAD...

LORA: NO!

SHE RUNS TO ABBY...SHES DEAD..SHE LOOKS OVER AT MASTER..HES DEAD...

LORA RUNS OUTSIDE...ITS POORING RAIN...JEEVES IS PUTTING HIS BAGS IN A CAR...

LORA: WHERE YOU GOING YOU SON OF A BITCH

JEEVES: YOU DIDNT LIKE YOUR SOUP

LORA: NO!

LORA SHOOTS OUT A BALL OF ENERGY OUT OF HER HAND BLOWING UP JEEVES CAR...JEEVES FLIES AWAY...(TIME ELASP)  
JEEVES WAKES UP... HIS SHIRT AND PANTS ARE RIPPED UP AND HES COVERED IN BLOOD..HIS LEFT LEG IS BROKEN...JEEVES LOOKS AROUND LORA IS OVER HIM

JEEVES: YOUR A WITCH...I DIDNT THINK THEY WERE MANY LEFT

LORA SHOOTS ELECTRICTY OUT OF HER FINGER TIPS AT JEEVES...JEEVES SCREAMS...

JEEVES: PLEASE STOP...

LORA: YOU KILLED MY FAMILY!

LORA STOPS ELECTRICUTING HIM...HER ARM TURNS TO METAL SPIKE..SHE SLAMS HER SPIKE THREW JEEVES HIP..JEEVES SCREAMS AS BLOOD POORS OUT... LORA PICKS UP JEEVES BY THE THROAT...HER BODY TURNS PURPLE...SHE SHOOTS A WAVE OF PURPLE MAGIC AT THE MANSION...

JEEVES: WHAT DID YOU DO?

LORA STARTS SWEATING...

LORA: I MADE IT TO WHERE ANYONE WHO HAS DIED IN THIS PLACE IN THE LAST 24 HOURS...AND ANYTIME AFTER..WILL REMAIN HERE..AS GHOST...

JEEVES: SO YOU CAN STILL SEE YOUR FAMILY...

LORA: YES...

JEEVES: THEY WILL TEAR THIS PLACE DOWN...ONCE THEY FIND OUT...

LORA: YOUR RIGHT...I DONT HAVE MUCH POWER LEFT...BUT I HAVE ENOUGHT TO FIX THIS...

LORA TURNS JEEVES BODY PURPLE...HIS EYES GLOW PURPLE

LORA: YOU WILL SERVE MY FAMILY...AS THERE BUTLER...FOR ALL ETERNITY...AND IF YOU TRY TO LEAVE THE PROPERTY..YOUR FLESH WILL MELT IN THE SUN...

JEEVES: OKAY

LORA: YOU WILL START..BY BURYING EVERYONE...INCLUDING ME

JEEVES: GOT IT...RIGHT AWAY...

JEEVES HOBBLES AWAY...

JEEVES: YOU USED TO MUCH MAGIC AT ONCE DIDN'T YOU

LORA: YES...

LORA FALLS DOWN DEAD...

(TIME ELASP) THERE ARE SIX GRAVES... JEEVES IS STANDING THERE WITH A SHOVEL...MASTER, MARTY, BUCKY, ABBY, AND SUGAR ARE WATCHING HIM FROM A WINDOW AS GHOST...

ABBY: IS MOMMY GOING TO BE A GHOST TOO?

MASTER: IM AFRAID NOT...SHE..DID NOT DIE INSIDE THE HOUSE..

(PRESENT) CAP AND JOEY ARE LOOKING AT MASTER

MASTER: NOW...ITS JUST ME...YOU SENT MY FAMILY TO THE OTHER SIDE!

CAP: WE HAD NO IDEA...

MASTER: TOO LATE BOYS..ONCE IVE COLLECTED YOU ALL...IM GOING TO KILL YOU ALL..AND YOU WILL LIVE HERE UNDER THIS ROOF..FOREVER...

WIND STARTS BLOWING AROUND THEM...MASTER STARTS FLYING IN THE AIR...

MASTER: HAHA NO WAY YOU CAN HANDLE MY POWER

THE MASTER FLIES DOWN AND PUNCHES CAP IN THE FACE, CAP FALLS TO THE GROUND

CAP: DERR

JOEY RUNS AT THE MASTER...THE MASTER KNEES JOEY IN THE THROAT..JOEY COUGHS UP SALIVA AND STUMBLES BACK..THE MASTER GRABS JOEY BY HIS HEAD AND SLAMS HIM DOWN INTO THE MASTERS KNEES...JOEY FLIES BACK TO THE GROUND...

CAP GETS UP...

CAP: WAIT..WHY WAS BARNEY FIFE HERE?

MASTER: HE JUST WONDERED UP HERE ONE DAY...AND I WAS A REALLY BIG FAN OF HIS

CAP PUNCHES AT THE MASTER..HIS FIST GOES THREW HIS FACE...

MASTER: NOT GOING TO WORK ON ME

THE MASTER PUNCHES CAP IN THE RIBS..CAP FALLS TO HIS KNEES...THE MASTER LIFTS HIS FIST UP IN THE AIR...JOEY STARTS PISSING ON THE MASTER..THE MASTER LOOKS OVER AT JOEY..JOEY IS LAUGHING AT HIM

MASTER: YOU FILTHY LITTLE BOY

THE MASTER SLAPS JOEY THREW THE WALL...THE MASTER SLAMS CAP DOWN ON THE GROUND AND STARTS CHOAKING HIM...

MASTER: DONT FEEL BAD..YOU WILL LOVE IT HERE!

JEEVES IS IN THE ROOM..CAP LOOKS OVER AT HIM...JEEVES THROWS A GREEN RING TO CAP...THE MASTER LOOKS OVER AT JEEVES...

MASTER: WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU SON OF A BITCH

JEEVES: FOR YOU TO DIE

THE MASTER LOOKS BACK AT CAP..CAP PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE WITH THE RING ON...THE MASTER FLIES BACK...HIS EYES STARTS GLOWING GREEN...HE LOOKS OVER AT JEEVES

MASTER: NOOO!

JEEVES: GOODBYE...FINALLY MY CONTRACT IS OVER

MASTER: BEFORE I GO...I HAVE ONE LAST COMMAND FOR YOU..KILL YOURSELF...

THE MASTER FLIES UP TO THE SKY...JEEVES PULLS OUT A PISTOL FROM HIS BACK POCKET

CAP: NO!

JEEVES: SON OF A BITCH..I WAS SO CLOSE

JEEVES SHOOTS HIMSELF IN THE HEART..JEEVES FLIES BACK...BLOOD POORING OUT HIS CHEST...CAP RUNS OVER TO HIM...JOEY CLIMBS THREW THE HOLE IN THE WALL...ALEJANDRO AND VJ WAKE UP...THEY GET OUT OF THE COFFINS...

VJ: WHAT HAPPENED?

JEEVES LOOKS AT THEM AS THEY SURROUND HIM...

CAP: SO..IS THIS PLACE MINE NOW?

JEEVES: YES KID...IT IS...

JEEVES DIES...

JEEVES EXITS HIS BODY AS A GHOST...

JEEVES: I FINALLY WAS FREE FROM THAT CURSE...AND I DIED

JOEY: YOU TURNED OUT TO BE A REAL DOUCHE BAG IN THE END...

JEEVES: WELL SINCE IM DEAD..ILL WRITE UP THE NEW DEED TO THE HOUSE TO YOU CAPTAIN COOL

CAPS FACE TURNS RED...

CAP: SO COOL...

(TIME ELASP) THERE IN A STUDY..JEEVES IS SITTING AT A DESK..SIGNING SOME PAPER WORK...

JEEVES: SEEING AS HOW I WAS ALIVE..THEY SIGNED ME AS THE OWNER OF THE HOUSE..TO MAKE IT FEEL AS IF SOMEONE STILL LIVED HERE...

JEEVES HANDS THE DEED TO CAPTAIN COOL..

CAP: NICE! CAP PUTS IT IN HIS POCKET..

JEEVES: COME HERE AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE BOYS..I WILL BE HERE..

JEEVES OPENS UP A DREWER..HE PULLS OUT A GOLDEN KEY AND HANDS IT TO CAPTAIN COOL...

CAP: THANKS JEEVES

VJ: I WANT A KEY

JEEVES: WELL..ODDS ARE IF YOU COME HERE..ILL BE HERE..I CANT REALLY LEAVE!

ALEJANDRO: CAN WE..I WANT TO GO TO BED

JOEY: ME TOO..IM BEAT..

JEEVES: AHH YES...ILL SHOW YOU THE WAY...

(TIME ELASP) THERE AT THE FRONT DOOR.. CAP OPENS THE DOOR...ITS BRIGHT AND SUNNY OUTSIDE

THEY GO OUTSIDE...

JOEY: OHH I MISS YOU THE SUN..

THE DOORS SHUT...

(TIME ELASP) 9PM, THE SONG PUT A FLOWER IN YOUR POCKET BY THE ARCS START PLAYING, ALEJANDRO IS ASLEEP IN BED NEXT TO JESSICA (HE HAS A FLASH BACK) HE SEES WHEN THE MASTER KILLS MARTH, THEN HE SEES LOVE CHILD BEING RIPPED APART BY ZOMBIES, THEN HE SEES XALDO BEING KILLED, THEN KINDY...(REALITY) A TEAR ROLLS DOWN HIS FACE (IN JOEYS ROOM) JOEY IS SLEEPING IN A TINY BED IN THE NUDE.. (FLASH BACK) JOEY SEES HIMSELF SLEEPING WITH SUGAR...THEN HE SEES HIMSELF PUTTING THE RING ON HER HEAD...(BACK TO REALITY)  
JOEY HOLDS HIS PILLOW.. (IN VJS ROOM) VJ IS ASLEEP IN BED...(FLASHBACK) HE SEES HIMSELF BEING CHASED BY SPIDERS... (REALITY) VJ IS HOLDING A STUFFED SNORLAX.. (IN CAPS ROOM) CAP IS ASLEEP WEARING WEIRD AL PAJAMAS (FLASH BACK) THEN HE SEES JEEVES HANDING HIM THE DEED AND KEY..(REALITY) CAP WAKES UP SMILING END 


End file.
